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So I have received an ultimatum (comments 7 and 12)
If you ever want to see it [the toaster oven] again you will write another post about the Yeti.
While it is the US’s stance not to negotiate with terrorists or give into terrorist demands, I am a pansy, so here it goes, but I better get my Toaster Oven back, or there will be Hell to pay! I am onto you, Appliance Stealer, I am onto you. I have a crack team of experts (not experts on crack, or experts about crack, mind, I mean a top-notch group of experts) waiting in the wings if this capitulations falls through. If I do not get my Toaster Oven back… (I will leave it as an open ended threat, those are more menacing)
My post about the Yeti:
The Yeti and I have not been in communication since my last Yeti post. This is unsurprising since I called the Yeti out on his less than sincere threat to gnaw on my bones. My history with the Yeti is a long and tiresome one, so I will instead give you a brief description of the Yeti.
Look and smell: The Yeti is a bipedal furry animal that stands around 8 foot tall. His face is a wind-chapped pink and, he is a foul smelling beast that rarely bathes. His coat/fur would be the palest of pale yellows if it were not for the amount of encrusted filth that resides in his hairy mantle. “Can his fur really be that disgusting?” you might ask. In a word, “Abso-frikkin-lutely.” You see, the Yeti is a messy eater, and by “messy” I do mean “a disturbingly in-efficient eating thing that has difficulties getting food in its mouth on the first try.” The Yeti has a tendency to smear food on its face and then slowly push that food toward its mouth. No one really understands why, but the Yeti is pretty consistent about this. This leads me to the next point of conversation.
Food: What exactly does a Yeti eat? Well, they are omnivorous beasts who live in an area with very little sustainable food stuffs. Therefore, the Yeti will consume things that most animals would consider taboo as food. Basically, if it ain’t moving fast enough to get out of the way of the surprisingly dull teeth that all Yetis have, it is considered food. This list includes, but is not limited to fowl, fauna, other smaller yetis, flowering plants, shrubs, vegetables, Sherpas, rich mountain climbers left on Everest to die, and sometimes paste. Yes, they are the cryptozoological equivalent of that kid in your kindergarden class.
How they move around: Yetis actually tip-toe everywhere. Much like they are trying to sneak around. It is rather comical to see an 8 foot tall befoul furred biped slinking around the mountains like an ineffective cartoon detective. Occasionally, Yeti’s drive around Nepal in Citroens, I have no idea why. They often have to remove the roofs of these cars to accommodate their pendulously large frames.
That is about all I have to say about the Yeti.
To Recap:
If I don’t see a toaster oven in the break room by Friday, the Appliance Stealer will have a reckoning
A reckoning I say
A Reckoning
I am glad the Appliance Stealer didn't ask for a post on the Orang-Pendek
We bought a Futon this weekend
It is surprisingly nice
I forgot to bring my lunch today
So, now I am really hungry
Geeking out on Friday was fun
The convention was not as spectaclish as last year
No one really wants to be at work today
Ginger beef for dinner tonight
Mmmmmm
If you ever want to see it [the toaster oven] again you will write another post about the Yeti.
While it is the US’s stance not to negotiate with terrorists or give into terrorist demands, I am a pansy, so here it goes, but I better get my Toaster Oven back, or there will be Hell to pay! I am onto you, Appliance Stealer, I am onto you. I have a crack team of experts (not experts on crack, or experts about crack, mind, I mean a top-notch group of experts) waiting in the wings if this capitulations falls through. If I do not get my Toaster Oven back… (I will leave it as an open ended threat, those are more menacing)
My post about the Yeti:
The Yeti and I have not been in communication since my last Yeti post. This is unsurprising since I called the Yeti out on his less than sincere threat to gnaw on my bones. My history with the Yeti is a long and tiresome one, so I will instead give you a brief description of the Yeti.
Look and smell: The Yeti is a bipedal furry animal that stands around 8 foot tall. His face is a wind-chapped pink and, he is a foul smelling beast that rarely bathes. His coat/fur would be the palest of pale yellows if it were not for the amount of encrusted filth that resides in his hairy mantle. “Can his fur really be that disgusting?” you might ask. In a word, “Abso-frikkin-lutely.” You see, the Yeti is a messy eater, and by “messy” I do mean “a disturbingly in-efficient eating thing that has difficulties getting food in its mouth on the first try.” The Yeti has a tendency to smear food on its face and then slowly push that food toward its mouth. No one really understands why, but the Yeti is pretty consistent about this. This leads me to the next point of conversation.
Food: What exactly does a Yeti eat? Well, they are omnivorous beasts who live in an area with very little sustainable food stuffs. Therefore, the Yeti will consume things that most animals would consider taboo as food. Basically, if it ain’t moving fast enough to get out of the way of the surprisingly dull teeth that all Yetis have, it is considered food. This list includes, but is not limited to fowl, fauna, other smaller yetis, flowering plants, shrubs, vegetables, Sherpas, rich mountain climbers left on Everest to die, and sometimes paste. Yes, they are the cryptozoological equivalent of that kid in your kindergarden class.
How they move around: Yetis actually tip-toe everywhere. Much like they are trying to sneak around. It is rather comical to see an 8 foot tall befoul furred biped slinking around the mountains like an ineffective cartoon detective. Occasionally, Yeti’s drive around Nepal in Citroens, I have no idea why. They often have to remove the roofs of these cars to accommodate their pendulously large frames.
That is about all I have to say about the Yeti.
To Recap:
If I don’t see a toaster oven in the break room by Friday, the Appliance Stealer will have a reckoning
A reckoning I say
A Reckoning
I am glad the Appliance Stealer didn't ask for a post on the Orang-Pendek
We bought a Futon this weekend
It is surprisingly nice
I forgot to bring my lunch today
So, now I am really hungry
Geeking out on Friday was fun
The convention was not as spectaclish as last year
No one really wants to be at work today
Ginger beef for dinner tonight
Mmmmmm
Labels: Yeti
4 Comments:
I think you missed the most important thing that the average person needs to know about the Yeti: Do NOT wake a sleeping Yeti.
Really. Don't. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.
Anon:
Yes, a groggy Yeti is an unhappy yeti. Let sleeping Yetis lie
now WHAT, may I ask, goes by the name of ginger beef?
I am not threatening your dish-washer, but if I were you, I'd see through this denial of a threat if I wanted all my appliances snoozing softly with me tonight...
Jude:
Ginger beef is a fuax chinese kind of meal. It is made with fresh ginger, beef, brocolli, garlic, beef broth, and molassas. It is basically stir fried and then put over a bed of rice, much like Chinese food. It is quite tasty.
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