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So where the Hell did the toaster oven go?!?! Now, I am not one to vehemently complain about barbaric office conditions in the land of cubes, but this has gone too far. Too far I say!
I hate eating lunches at the office. I abhor the whole process of nuking something in the microwave so I can slop down some craptastic “meal” just so I can make it to dinner. Lunch in the office always sucks. Always. The only times it does not just absolutely blow is when I can finagle myself into a lunch meeting where lunch is provided.
At least that was the case until they brought in the toaster oven. Ah, the glorious toaster oven. An oft maligned and misunderstood piece of kitchen equipment. It works like an electric oven, but it is small enough that you do not have to worry about preheating. It is a wonderfully glorious device that browns and crisps frozen food while cooking it all the way through. Instead of getting from a frozen stick to a floppy eggroll in 5 minutes, I got crispy wonderful tasty Asian morsels in 15 minutes. Instead of getting rubbery French bread pizzas that taste like soggy pieces of cardboard, I got a toasty delectable French bread pizzas that tasted like firmer, non set out in the rain pieces of cardboard. Anyway… the machination of my bearable frozen lunches is now gone. Gone I tell you…. Gone
I do not care who says that Lean Pockets now have a crispier flakier crust. They can go straight to Hell, those lying bastards! Those microwave foodstuffs can not hold a candle to a frozen burrito lovingly brought to its gooey warm pinnacle by the workhorse toaster oven. I cannot help it if the other employees of the company did not understand how the toaster oven worked or how much better it was than their gimme-my-crappy-food-now-now-now microwave. You stopped the warm embrace of the toaster oven to my eggrolls by turning it off thinking the egg rolls were done and no one was watching them. I did not complain, even though I was constantly checking on them. You always thought something was burning whenever I turned on the toaster oven, but that fragrance you were detecting was a direct result of a little something called “cooking.”
They have taken my toaster oven away, and now I must sink to the level of a common grad student. Easy Mac it is…
To Recap:
Microwaves heat food by twisting water molecules back and forth and having those water molecules rub against one another to experience a molecular form of "friction"
Toaster ovens heat food because the heating element in the oven starts to glow red-hot, much like a conventional electric oven, the way God intended
I think I must have a tapeworm
I am stunningly hungry and I just ate lunch
I was hungry yesterday immediately after eating lunch
What’s up with that?
And what was up with Spain losing to France?
I hate eating lunches at the office. I abhor the whole process of nuking something in the microwave so I can slop down some craptastic “meal” just so I can make it to dinner. Lunch in the office always sucks. Always. The only times it does not just absolutely blow is when I can finagle myself into a lunch meeting where lunch is provided.
At least that was the case until they brought in the toaster oven. Ah, the glorious toaster oven. An oft maligned and misunderstood piece of kitchen equipment. It works like an electric oven, but it is small enough that you do not have to worry about preheating. It is a wonderfully glorious device that browns and crisps frozen food while cooking it all the way through. Instead of getting from a frozen stick to a floppy eggroll in 5 minutes, I got crispy wonderful tasty Asian morsels in 15 minutes. Instead of getting rubbery French bread pizzas that taste like soggy pieces of cardboard, I got a toasty delectable French bread pizzas that tasted like firmer, non set out in the rain pieces of cardboard. Anyway… the machination of my bearable frozen lunches is now gone. Gone I tell you…. Gone
I do not care who says that Lean Pockets now have a crispier flakier crust. They can go straight to Hell, those lying bastards! Those microwave foodstuffs can not hold a candle to a frozen burrito lovingly brought to its gooey warm pinnacle by the workhorse toaster oven. I cannot help it if the other employees of the company did not understand how the toaster oven worked or how much better it was than their gimme-my-crappy-food-now-now-now microwave. You stopped the warm embrace of the toaster oven to my eggrolls by turning it off thinking the egg rolls were done and no one was watching them. I did not complain, even though I was constantly checking on them. You always thought something was burning whenever I turned on the toaster oven, but that fragrance you were detecting was a direct result of a little something called “cooking.”
They have taken my toaster oven away, and now I must sink to the level of a common grad student. Easy Mac it is…
To Recap:
Microwaves heat food by twisting water molecules back and forth and having those water molecules rub against one another to experience a molecular form of "friction"
Toaster ovens heat food because the heating element in the oven starts to glow red-hot, much like a conventional electric oven, the way God intended
I think I must have a tapeworm
I am stunningly hungry and I just ate lunch
I was hungry yesterday immediately after eating lunch
What’s up with that?
And what was up with Spain losing to France?
Labels: mad ramblings, work
13 Comments:
I think this post is a really accurate representation of what really happens in your mind – as far as I can tell.
Wifey:
Sadly what goes on in my head is much more mundane and substantually less coherent. You should know that.
Unfortunately there are no food heating facilities in my office, but there is a very nice Cafe where you can get a hot meal every day for the bargain basment price of £2.50 I have no idea how much that is in dollars.
CG:
even if the exchange rate is around double, that is not bad at all for a lunch meal. I would love a cafe near that office that had cheap, good, hot food. All we really have near the offic eis chain stuff. Blek!
I like microwaving my food! Your glorious toaster over does one thing and one thing only. My microwave not only heats my food, but because of leaky sealings, it's also ensuring that I never father children (a little something God also took care of, but that's another story). Your toaster over is a lazy, lazy, lazy device. My microwave is a multi-tasking dynamo.
So there.
Wifey, I heart you big time.
Anon, if that is truly who you are:
There are many many reasons as to why you should not have children, and while the microwaves E.M. leakage is a service where you are concerned, there are some men out there that should have children. The toaster oven is not just for my more enjoyable lunch time, it is also for those men who want children.
I have your toaster. If you ever want to see it again you will await further instruction.
Toaster-Napper:
Why do I think I am being set up for a new Lifetime Movie of these events: "Gimme Back My Toaster-Oven!"
anon -
Oh, I heart you, too.
Wifey:
I am still here! I can see this! Why must you make a mocklery of our marriage in suchj a public forum.... WHY?!!?
We mock you because:
A) Our love is pure and true; and
B) You type things like "mocklery"
But getting back to your stomach. Is it possible you have an ulcer? Taken with the Toaster Oven news, maybe the universe is telling you to learn how to make sushi.
Atmikha
Anon:
Honestly, I am not trgeatened by your torrid platonic love for my wife. If I were worried about every person of various sexual orientations and genders who were completely and totally enraptured by my wonderful wife, I would never sleep. As it is, I only sleep occassionally and sporadically with varying results of rest, but I DO SLEEP!
Appliance Stealer:
Technically it is not my toaster oven, but I will play ball. The next post is all about the yeti, you evil
bastard!
Atmikha:
Sushi doesn't agree with me that well. But, more to the point, the people I know who have dealt with ulcers have stated that it is not an insataible hunger that drives them mad as much as a searing burning stomache of pain.
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