Yard Waste

The problem with me doing yard work is that, number 1, its is work, number 2, okay wait a second… Let me try this again.

There are problems with me doing yard work. These are, in no specific order:

Number 1: well, duh, it is work, and I am inherently lazy
Number 2: It is outside, and I am prone to sizzling in the sun
Number 3: I am allergic to grass. Yep, I am allergic to cut grass, causes my eyes to water and for me to get the sniffles. This tends to make me look sad whilst cutting grass, much like I am weeping for the lawn… “Why grass, why?!?!?” /sniff /sniff
Number 4: I am allergic to leaf mold, and our deck had a bunch of that crap
Number 5: I forgot was Number 5 was
Number 6: Did I mention that it is work and I am inherently lazy? Yes, yes, I did.
Number 7: There is no 7

Yesterday I had the pleasure of doing yard work. I am, of course, defining “pleasure” as a massive allergic reaction. I cut the grass, and it looked like every cut blade of grass was etched into my soul. Tears were streaming, and I was sniffling like Oprah at a funeral. It was not a pretty sight. Then, we finally cleaned out the last of our flower beds, and Wifey swept the inordinate amount of dead leaves off our deck. I then transported the leaves to our brush pile. I did mention I was allergic to leaf mold, right? Good, refer back to Number 4.

After going inside, I drank some cherry lemonade (tasty if you have never tried it) and waited for the leaf mold allergy to kick in. This reaction is a tricky one. Whilst cutting grass makes me blubber like Ole Yeller just got capped, leaf mold hits me 45 minutes after dealing with it. This reaction takes the form of the uncontrollable need to sleep. I must nap… simply must.

So 45 minutes post deck cleaning I am uncontrollably snoring on the couch, and Wifey and Little Man just think I don’t want to interact with them. Stupid allergies!

To Recap:
I hate mowing the grass…
I have to travel to Cleveland this week, but only for a day
That day is going to suck
Because I will be in Cleveland
Little Man has an allergist appointment tomorrow
The Yeti has contacted me…
It hasn’t been pretty
I still think he has a chip on his shoulder because people get him confused with a sasquatch
While I dislike the Yeti, and all he holds dear, at least he isn’t a wendigo
Thems wedigos are all bastards, the lot of them….
Making fun of mythological beasts on the Internet is about as dangerous as making fun of the Amish
For many of the same reasons