God, I hope the Puritans were not right

Thinking about it, and taking into consideration all the changes that we have made since the birth of our wonderful baby boy, I hope and pray to God that the Puritans were incorrect in their adage, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” If the adage holds true, I am in Hell. Since little man came around we have only had our house completely clean once (for the 1st birthday party). Since then we have had a revolving schedule of clean rooms. I don’t want people to think that we don’t clean our bathroom and our kitchen for months at a time, we just never have them both clean at the same time. One week the kitchen is clean, and the next week the bathroom gets cleaned. Basically, what I am getting at, is that we need people, and by people I mean butler, cook, maid, and driver. That would make life soooo much easier, and again, the issue boils down to money. If we had money, we would have people. Alas and alack, money does not seem to be ours. Don’t get me wrong, we have enough money to make ends meet, but we do not have enough to make a butler, maid, cook, and drivers’ ends meet as well.

The little one started getting all snotty and sick last night…

(For the RPG-ers out there, and you know who you are…) so we are crossing our fingers again to dodge the +2 Bat of Wheezing (+2 to hit, with improved crit) once more. Unfortunately, since he is a young child, his CON is at a -2 causing his hit die to be kinda low. His size modifier does help him, so at least we got that going for us.

(For the non-RPG-ers out there, read the non-geeky. Question for the non-geeky out there, “What the hell are you reading my blog for anyway?”) We are afraid of the cold progressing into something more asthmatic in nature. His is already starting to have some retraction in his breathing, but we are hoping that it will not progress into something where heavy steroids are necessary.

Anyway…. The work bat, this a winged monster that haunts me in my waking and sleeping times…

Excuse me, Mr Blogger?
Yes, fine reader?
Why don’t you just refer to the winged monster as the “monster that constantly haunts you?”
Shut up! That’s why!

Anyway… The Work Bat, this is a winged monster that haunts me in my waking and sleeping times, is currently in active haunting, so I must go and blog no more today.

Holiday's seem like any other days

So holidays lose much of their flavor when you have to work through them.

Oh well, this pays the bills just fine and dandy. I will miss spending time with the boy, but I could get him a new pair of shoes. Yea! Me!

Currently, I am being the horrible task-master for my 2 intrepid cartographers as well. They are dutifully coming in on their holiday day off and plodding through getting this work done. This behavior is almost purely out of the goodness of their hearts, but they like getting paid extra as well.

On to something different… the little one is starting to sing and dance. He has got good pitch and his rhythm is pretty good as well. He likes Green Day, Joss Stone, the Gorillaz, and U2 as well as the Wiggles, Bear from Bear in the Big Blue House, and various Sesame Street Songs. Fairly eclectic tastes for an almost 2 year old. When Gorillaz come on the TV he puts his head down, stomps, and waves his arms about “like he just don’t care.” U2 is more of a bobbing motion than stomping. Joss Stone pretty much just captivates him. He just stares intently at the screen until her video is over. Green Day gets much the same response as Bear, a stompy feel-good happy time. The Wiggles and Sesame Street get some movement and some stomping, but let’s be clear, little man recognizes that they are kids’ music, and only gives them token lip service. He has sophisticated tastes, and is not easily swayed by kiddy stuff. He’s a big boy now.

Oh well, Back to work.

Glad it is a holiday weekend

I am sooo happy that this is a long weekend. That way I get to spend more time with my family, prop up my feet and relax.

Well, that is what it would have been like had our god-forsaken client not decided that he needed to come up with some new stuff that we need to work on prior to a meeting on Thursday. I could go on and on about the particulars, but I will not. (Turns out there were more than a few bored readers from my Hedges post.) Suffice it to say, on Friday the client asked the company to redesign some stuff for this meeting that will be occurring on Thursday. Thursday is less than 7 days away from Friday (last I checked), but the client wants to review our final products prior to them being used in the meeting on Thursday. Therefore we need to have everything ready for Wednesday. The team who will be doing the meeting will leave Wednesday afternoon at latest, so to give the client adequate review time, and us enough time to implement changes and print it out, so everything needs to be done by Tuesday. But the client also wants to review the redesign before we do any final graphic work on the stuff. One of the highway design people came in all day yesterday to do these designs, so the client has the information, but we are waiting on the client’s okay. Since this is a holiday weekend, the client will not be reachable until Tuesday. Does anyone else see an issue with this time schedule?

This seems to happen a bunch in my industry. The client asks for a litany of changes at the last moment and then becomes un-reachable for review, until it is too late. The only good part of this is that I get overtime. My wife has been more than understanding about this, but it still sucks. Stupid work.

50 Mill in small denomination coins please

Okay, I try not to get too political in this blog, because, well, I do not have the energy to do it correctly, so I would rather just spew useless crap verbage about nothingness. Now, the party involved in this rant happens to be the Ohio Republican party, but in all actuality it could be the Democratic party in Ohio as well. This is a story, a story about corruption....

Rant On....

There is this investor yahoo, Tom Noe, who somehow convinced Ohio Legislature to invest 50 million dollars in rare coins for the Bureau of Workers Compensation. Let me say that again…. 50 MILLION DOLLARS IN RARE COINS FOR WORKER”S COMP!!!!!! Okay, the fun does not stop there, oh no, that would be too easy. Now, they cannot find over $400,000 worth of the investment. Now, in all fairness 50 mil is not a huge portion of the Worker’s Comp budget, so the state has not truly lost a boat laod of money, but What the Hell!!!!!?! Who on earth authorized the investment of state tax payer money into rare coins? Turns out this story is just getting started.

The attorneys for the esteemed Mr. Noe have blocked the state from examining the collection, and have stated some such crap about the missing $400,000 is now invested into baseball cards and other “collectibles.” You know “collectibles” like Beanie Babies and Hot Wheels Cars and Hummel Figurines and such. I absolutely hate politics…

This was never a legitimate investment. In my humble opinion, this person basically was given a 50 million dollar loan with an undetermined payment date. There is no fixed interest rate with this loan, just a fictitious amount of rare coinage, that the state has never seen. I am surprise Mr. Noe did not tell the state that the missing $400,00 is due to “fluctuations in the collectibles market.”

Derail… The problem with collectibles is that they are only worth as much as someone is willing to pay for it. I bought a comic book once when I was a kid that was valued at $75.00 in 1988. I was young and stupid, and I clearly didn’t need the money. I just checked the value of that book today, just now, and 17 years later this fairly rare comic book from 18.5 years ago is now worth, according to a respected online comic book pricing guide, $75.00. So, it has appreciated in value exactly nothing in 17 years, and to top all that off, it is only worth that $75 if and only if I could find some loser to pay 75 smackers for it.

Back on track… This individual raised a bunch of money for the people in power and was rewarded with a gigantic interest free loan. Plain and simple. Do I think this is an issue that is solely a problem with the evil-money-grubbing-ways-of-the-richer-and-holier-than-thou Republican Party in Ohio? No, this story could have very well happened with an investor in the why-don’t-we-just-give-all-the-state-money-to-the-people-that-cannot-find-a-job-the-lazy-bastards Democratic Party in Ohio. The GOP happens to be the one in power at the moment.

Rant off

I am at work today, and that makes me sad. So now I had better get back to it.

Geeky Thursday

So, I am trying something new today for posting to this here blog. I am first writing this out in Microsoft Word… All hail the great Gatesean Powers!!!, and then copying it into Blogger. Before hand I would type everything out in the teeny tiny little text entry window Blogger provides and then copy everything into word for spell checking purposes. Then I copy all that into Blogger again for the final publish. So today, I will be attempting to remove one of my many laborious steps. So tell me if you notice anything different.

I now understand why George Lucas’s wife left that un-communicative son of a bitch. That man could not dialog his way out of a paper bag. To illustrate the point, he made three new movies to emphasize his lack of ability in the areas of human and, oddly enough, alien dialog. In movie one he had a talentless hack of a child actor ask “Are you an angel?” That just does not happen. In movie 2 he had some of the worst dialog ever made between 2 love interests. In movie 3 he had the love talk devolve into Seinfeldian “You’re Schmoopy.” “No, you’re Schmoopy.” “I am only Schmoopy, because you are Schmoopy.” Ladies, the man makes more money than most countries, but you could communicate easier with a box of Wheaties. I can only imagine the consternation of his wife whenever she tried to have a serious discussion with him. This is only alluding to his lack of effective communication, not even considering his bizarre ideas around the topic of love. That is a topic for another discussion.

The dialog in the Star Wars Movies absolutely sucks. It absolutely has sucked, absolutely sucks, and absolutely will suck from now until eternity. Lucas is an amazing editor, a passable executive producer/director, an okay screen writer, a horrible director, and an abyssimal dialogist. The only movie where the dialog worked for the Star Wars franchise was the one Lucas had the least involvement with.

Overall the latest Star Wars flick is an enjoyable romp through the Sci-Fi universe. I found it to be a nice little movie that really helped to bridge the gap between original series and the new series. He makes lots and lots of parallel images to the original series of movies, but there are some rather unnecessary ones as well. I am interested in taking some time out of my life and watching all 6 movies in order to see how the story plays out in succession, but that is the geek in me talking. The parent in me knows that there is no way in hell that I could get that amount of time together for that frivolous of an activity.

On to another matter entirely, it seems the little one has stopped his sleep strike, or, at least he took a day off of it yesterday. He slept wonderfully last night. It was very deep sleep, and I hope he feels nice and rested now.

I feel like I need something to rant about, but most everything right now seems to be really middle of the road intensity. Nothing is really riling me up in a way such to cause a rant of spectacular proportions. That being said, nothing is really going on that is gloriously divine either. So, all in all, it is pretty much a blah kind of intensity surrounding me. Consider it a sphere of mediocrity that is surrounding me.

In review: Removal of one step in the process has not made anything easier. M&M’s do melt in your hand, those lying bastards!!! Lucas is a horrid one on one communicator, even his interviews suck. Flannel shirts are in style for men who have more money than God. “You are only so beautiful because I love you so much” should never be dialog in a movie. “I came here to kick ass and chew Bubble gum, and I am, all out of bubble gum.” Should be dialog in more movies. Star Wars dialog sucks, you scruffy looking nerf herder! Who’s scruffy lookin! Movie was okay, but not earth shattering. Little one needs his sleep. I need something to rant about. Blah!

The need for speed

So,

Today's post will have to be done in a rather short period of time. That does not mean that it will definitely be a short post. To the contrary, it may be a laboriously long post that rambles on about nothing. In fact, if preceding posts are any sort of indication, that will most definitely be the case. Has anything of any import ever really been delivered to you, the reader, by me, the blogger, via this medium? I think not. More to the point, does this blogger have anything even remotely useful to humanity at large? Again, I think not. If that is so, and I suggest that it is, in fact, so, why do I continue to write in this, the most impersonal and useless of communication devices? Well, I will tell you in extreme exactitude why. Because useless crap needs to be discussed ad nauseum.

For instance, where are all the action shows on TV. The 80's were chock full of them. The poster child of said action shows was the A-Team. It announced its actionness via the bullet holes during the splash screen intro. Bullet holes denote action. I guess the modern equivalent to the 80's action show would be something like JAG, but JAG muddies the action waters by occasionally including courtroom drama. My action should not take place in a courtroom. Courtroom drama is what Law & Order is for. Other 80's action shows included, but are not limited to, Magnum PI, Simon and Simon, and The Equalizer (Side note: since the actual character that considered himself "the Equalizer" was British, shouldn't he have been called "the Equaliser"?). Anyway.... the action show is missing at the moment. ChiPs was not a police detective show, it was an action show, albeit a car crash action show.

What do we have now? CSI? CSI Miami? CSI Topeka, KS? Those are "who-done-it" mystery shows, they lack a certain "je ne sais crois." Actually, je sais crois, it is SHOOT-EM UP! It is the glorified violence that I crave, where the bad guys are all killed or captured, and none of the main good guys were ever harmed. The A-Team always had to fabricate a tank out of some oil drums and a golf cart, for their climactic battle at the end of the show. Invariably Magnum had to punch someone, kill some thugs or tackle the bad guy at the end of his show. MacGuyver had to immobilize someone with a balloon full of Cheezewhiz, duct tape, and gum at the end of his show. Someone was always whacked by the end of the Equalizer. Simon and Simon (could brothers BE any different? I think not) would always end in fisticuffs with the bad guys. Airwolf would always swoop in and blow up the bad guys' compound or take down the bad guy's flying ace's at the end of the show. Sure the good guys win in the myriad of CSI shows, but the interrogation room is not where I want my action to take place.

I am sure some of you are thinking, but what about 24? or Lost? Well, 24 is probably top be considered a good action show, but it would be better if it were called a day in the life of Jack Bauer and then we watched an entire day unfold in the uncut hour. But wait, doesn't that ruin the gimmick of the show? The gimmick was tired after the first season. No one, and I do mean no one, can do all of that crap in only 24 hours. If the show takes longer than 2 weeks to film, it cannot take place in a 24 hour time span. Get over it. By now the government would just say, "Whatever you say, Jack." Instead of, he is such a renegade; we need to control him, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway... I have to get back to work

The work bat cometh

So, at the moment, I am not sure whether the "work bat" is a bludgeoning tool swung by sadistic project managers, or a genetically mutated gargantuan flying mammal of blood-sucking. Either way wood product of flying leech, it ain't pretty. Sadly, I am of the opinion that this particular work bat in question is the scary scary flying kind with the loud flapping of leathery wings. I have a meeting at 9 am today that should determine just how little free-time that myself and my 2 intrepid cartographers have in the near future. My bet is: not a whole heckuva lot. Stupid work bats with their fangs and their screeching. Why oh why can't it be the Louisville Slugger type of work bat?

Anyway... I was talking with a friend here at work, and the topic of the Cheesecake Factory came up. She was having Cheesecake Factory cravings even though she had only been to said "factory" once. Oddly enough, last night during a phone call with my best friend who is living in Colorado Springs we chatted about the Cheesecake Factory as well. These conversations got me thinking.... The Cheesecake Factory does not actually manufacture its cheesecakes on the premises. In fact they do not actually make "their" cheesecakes at all. A second company bakes all of their cheesecakes and sells them to the "Factory" frozen. Maybe the Cheesecake Factory should be called the A Cheesecake Thawing and Serving Restaurant? Just for clarity's sake.

Anyway 2... The little one finally figured out what to do with writing implements. He has taken a step into the greater world of self expression. Instead of merely chewing on pens and pencils for nutritive sustenance, he found out that one end of writing implements will make marks when pressed against a surface. This surface happened to be the tile floor in our kitchen, instead of the myriad of papers and coloring books we have attempted to teach him to use, but that is secondary to his discovery.

Anyway 3… HGTV is starting to get a bit boring. They are relying too much on the save 6 shows. Design on a Dime, Divine Design, Decorating Cents, Designers Challenge, Landscapers Challenge and Decorating Cents. Yes, I know I already said Decorating Cents, but they have that show on, all the Goddamn time! Let’s see, how do I describe each of these shows?

Design on a Dime: There is a severely limited budget ($1000) and this team of three people has to update a room within that budget. It is an okay show, but there is an A Team and a B Team. If I got shafted with the B Team, I would complain loudly.
Divine Design: Candice Olsen, the gargantuan Canadian designer (she is like 8 ft 3 in) renovates rooms where money is no object and people are looking for style that will be so trendy that it will be out-of-date by the time the camera crews leave. Side note: Chico is the Man!
Designer’s Challenge: People who have more money than taste have 3 designers pitch ideas to them about renovating one room in their house. They usually pick the crappiest of the 3 pitches.
Landscapers Challenge: Other people who have more money than taste have 3 landscapers come up with ways to make their yards look pretty for a mere budget of $50,000. However will the landscapers come up with something for such a pittance?
And finally… Decorating Cents: or how to make crap with shit. It is on the list 2 times because it sucks so bad and is soo frikking cheap that they play it all the time. Every 3rd show is Decorating Cents.

Why HGTV!!!! WHY!?!!

So to recap:

The Work Bat is a warm-blooded bloodthirsty winged furry monster that will eventually kill me. Heavy work loads make baby Jesus cry. The Cheesecake Factory is neither a factory nor a cheesecake, discuss. Overstock.com commercials are playing up the “big O” a bit too much. The little one enjoyed drawing for a bit yesterday. HGTV is getting a bit boring lately. So in review, the channels from basic cable that have started to suck: Discovery Channel, TLC, History Channel, History International, and now HGTV. My life is an empty husk of work.

Questionnarie

Saw this questionnaire on a different blog, and I do love me some lists, and I do not feel like thinking up a topic today...

Keep in mind that I am attempting to keep some form of anonymity here...

Three names you go by:
1. Your Excellency
2. My Liege
3. The Honorable Howell T Heflin

Three screen names you have had:
1. mmmpig
2. Dimboanez the level 25 Undead Warrior in WoW
3. i8piggy

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. Corporealness
2. Legs
3. Taste buds

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Scottish
2. Irish
3. Boorish

Three things that scare you:
1. Big hairy spiders
2. Naked strangers
3. Bloggers

Three things you're wearing now:
1. Shirt
2. Shoes (I can get service at Burger King)
3. "Out my welcome"

Three of your favorite bands or musical artist:
1. Cake
2. Tool
3. A Perfect Circle

Three of your favorite songs:
1. Fish on: Primus
2. I Will Survive: Cake's cover
3. The Grudge: Tool

Three things you want in a relationship: Author's note: I am assuming an intimate relationship
1. Honesty
2. Communication
3. Fun

Two truths and a lie (which one is a lie?):
1. Euclidean Mathematics is supported by an undeniable truth, that 2 parallel lines will never intersect.
2. My best friends and I have been friends for over half our lives.
3. Penguins are cool

Three physical things about your preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. Not having a penis
2. Not having a penis
3. Not having a penis

Author's note: I like my penis fine and dandy and all, but I am not attracted to creatures sporting the maleness.

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Drawing
2. Watching TV
3. World of Warcrack err... Craft

Three things you want to do badly right now:
1. Play with my little boy at home, and not be at work
2. Sleep more
3. ummm... not be at work

Three careers you're considering:
1. Professional Blogger
2. Kept man (professional blogger)
3. Independently wealthy

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Ireland
2. New Zealand
3. Reality

Three kids' names you like: to make fun of...
1. Cecil (British pronunciation, please "sess-il")
2. Winthrop
3. Charles (you know why...)

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. See my little one grow up to be well-adjusted, happy, and healthy adult
2. Have more free time
3. Find a way to be immortal (List gets longer then....)

Three ways that you are a stereotypically boy or girl (choose your gender):
1. I would be a rather large girl, so I guess size
2. Facial Hair
3. Love of the Three Stooges

Three celebrity crushes:
1. Selma Hayek
2. Halle Berry
3. Don't really have a 3rd, them 2 is enough...

Getting your Geek on

So, experts estimate that 627 million dollars will be lost in productivity today and tomorrow due to the release of a movie. So many people will be calling off from work to go see the movie, that 627 million dollars worth of work will not be generated today and tomorrow. Hey, everybody this is a movie! IT is not the end-all be-all movie either. We are talking about a movie here that will be out for at least 2 months. You can watch it later. They will let you. I mean, we are not talking about a video game launch here, we are talking about a movie.

On a side note: no one at my work wanted to have a 3 hour "meeting" today at the local Movie-Plex 72.

Anyway... this article does not take into account just how much productivity has been lost due to people talking about seeing the movie, or anticipating the movie, or their own interpretations of how the movie should have been made, or how Lucas sucks as a director, or any of that jazz. By the way... every one knows Lucas sucks as a director, he made Howard the Duck. Hey, Lucas! Hire a writer and cut one of the fx scenes, Damnit!

Anyway 2... Work is not letting up; it is piling up, but not letting up. Upward movement is good, right?

Workity Work Work Work

The floodgates have opened. The other shoe has dropped. The kid gloves have come off. Work has heated up to a boiling frenzy. There is work to be done.

The calm before the storm is over, and now the storm, it is a'ragin'. I have 5 projects that have all decided to raise their respective ugly heads, and only 3 ugly heads to throw at the 5 projects. Chaos is reigning. Damn you chaos! Damn you to Hell!

Anyway... I am not much of an activist. I don't march, go to demonstrations, or any of that other crap, but I protest things that I think are wrong in more quite subtle ways. I try to point out in a healthy manner when someone is being inadvertently something-ist. For example... the word "gypped" is a racial slur against the Roma or Gypsies. When people use that word, I mention that it is a racial slur. Some people take that message in, some people say that it is such a small population that it doesn't matter or that the word has been used that way for sooooo long it has lost its meaning, etc... Anyway... that is how I try to affect social change.

Well, I am going to actively protest something by imposing my own boycott. I will be boycotting The Revenge of the Sith during its opening weekend because Lucas made a mockery of the Star Wars franchise with Attack of the Clones and The Phantom Menace. Lucas does not get any of my money to bolster his opening weekend box-office gross profit. I will wait until next week to see the movie. That'll show him. There will be a few less dollars in his room full of money at Skywalker Ranch that he rolls around naked in.

So to Mr. Lucas I say, I will only be watching this last movie, so I can get closure on this space opera. And when the DVD comes out, I will only buy it because I need to complete the set. So put that in your flannel shirt pocket and wear it, you bearded bastard!

Could someone please trim the hedges?

Okay, not all of you fine readers know what it is that I do in my professional life, so I am intending to give a bit of a job description for one particular aspect of my job…

I work in the transportation planning “industry.” Oddly enough, it is not very industrial, due to its lack of intense heat, steam, and randomly clanking noises, but I think people call it an industry for some reason. Anyway… when we are working on a large scale transportation project that will be receiving federal dollars as part of its funding during some portion of the project’s duration (read: big ole Interstate projects), there are certain rules that apply. Inevitably these large transportation projects have to open a NEPA document. The National Environmental Protection Agency documentation procedures Ensure that we, the consultant, and they, the client, do not screw up the environment too bad without first “proving” that we cannot avoid doing so. (And by “Ensure” I do mean the chocolaty beverage for old folk, and by “proving” I do mean waving our hands in the air saying, “there is nothing to see here.”)

Anyway… this process for the projects typically relates into a bevy of general solutions whittling away and evolving into one highly specific solution to a set of transportation needs. The typical progression looks something like:

You start out with Conceptual Alternatives: Broad brush strategies to solve the transportation issues without terribly much detail. This is the stage where we show that a Monorail is a silly idea.

You move on to Refined Alternatives: more detailed versions of the Conceptual Alternatives that did not suck when tested. These also sometimes involve pieces part of different Conceptual Alternatives amalgamated into one.

Next is some sort of Preferred Alternative/s: one or two strategies that seem to have the best cost benefit ratio for the transportation issues at hand.

And finally the Recommended Strategy: this is the solution that is determined to be the best. It moves forward to a completely different level of detail before construction can begin.

Each step requires more in depth study and data. So as the number of choices diminishes, the amount of detail increases. In general this type of system makes sense.

Currently, one of the studies that were are working on, has just gotten to the point where they are thinking about the first stage of alternatives analysis. This study is about to start formulating its Conceptual Alternatives, but before we can actually call any of the ideas “Conceptual Alternatives,” the needs to be consensus on them. Here is where all the hedging takes place…

We will generate and eventually take the Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternatives to the Steering Committee for their comment and review. How many hedges does one need. Basically, these are not-final possible not-complete ideas. The Steering Committee is basically made up of the projects funding sources, such as ODOT, various municipalities, Metropolitan Planning Organizations, etc…

After the Steering Committee we will make changes to the Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternatives, and then show the Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternatives to the Advisory Committee. Basically, these are not-final not-complete ideas. The Advisory Committee is made up of interested parties for the job such as the Sierra Club, school districts, chambers of commerce, etc… These people have no real say in what is going on, but they like to feel like they are involved.

The next step is to take the Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternatives and apply some of the recommendations of the Advisory Committee, um, well, recommended to create Draft Conceptual Alternatives to show to the general public at large. Basically, these are not-final ideas.

The public involvement meeting then becomes the rubber stamping process for the Draft Conceptual Alternatives to turn into the Conceptual Alternatives. Ideas

Each time we go through this process, I have to change a stinking title on a graphic, the title will continually get shorter, but when you start out with something like:

Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Consolidated Access Points
Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Transit, ITS, TSM Improvements
Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Arterial Improvements
Draft Potential Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: No Build

Evolved to…

Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Consolidated Access Points
Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Transit, ITS, TSM Improvements
Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: Arterial Improvements
Draft Preliminary Conceptual Alternative: No Build

Evolved to…

Draft Conceptual Alternative: Consolidated Access Points
Draft Conceptual Alternative: Transit, ITS, TSM Improvements
Draft Conceptual Alternative: Arterial Improvements
Draft Conceptual Alternative: No Build

Finally evolved to…

Conceptual Alternative: Consolidated Access Points
Conceptual Alternative: Transit, ITS, TSM Improvements
Conceptual Alternative: Arterial Improvements
Conceptual Alternative: No Build

The entire page is taken up simply by the titles. Eventually they will become

Draft Potential Preliminary Refined Alternative: Consolidated Access Points

Kill me.... Kill me now.

Still Allergic to Spuds

So, we confirmed it over the weekend. The little one is still allergic to potatoes, but he loves them something fierce. This weekend, due to lack of groceries, we had to partake of the fast food for a few meals. We had McDonald’s on Friday for lunch and the little one was mightily interested in the beautiful golden brown deep fried goodness that are McDonald's French fries. Usually we can keep Capt. Grubby Mitts from the fries, but on this occasion we were not able to. He had a few in his hand before we could stop him. Prior to him actually eating them, we decided that this might be a good time for a science experiment, and we began to test him for an allergy to potato again.

The results are in, and minor exposure to potatoes is okay, but there is definitely a reaction. With one exposure to potatoes the patient displays some gastro-intestinal issues. These issues manifest themselves in the form of, as described by the medical journals, "one amazingly stank ass." Diarrhea was not present, but the patient did have some gas that could fell a rhino at 40 paces. FYI: This gas seems to last for about 36 hours. To extend the experiment we decided to expose the patient to potatoes again at lunch on Sunday. Again, the patient was happy for the test, but the results definitely indicated a reaction. With 2 exposures to potatoes in less than a 48 hour time period, the patient continued exhibiting signs of "one amazingly stank ass" as well as itching and mild eczema. Diagnosis: Still allergic to potatoes. Other findings: as per Yoda: "Size matters not" when dealing with gaseous emanations... that boy's ass was rank.

Not only was the little one's butt quite rank, but he was farting like a retired person: loud and without abandon. He would light one up and then look to the wife and me for approval. It was something else. He should be feeling better by dinner time today. At least we hope, because our nasal passages cannot take much more.

TGIF

I should have gotten my lazy butt out of bed on Monday. Now I have 2 hours to make up. Oh well, this pays the bills, so it could be worse.

Nothing going on, and I need to focus, on work for these 2 hours. Everyone have a great weekend.

Sanity is a one trick pony

To quote the Tick (did I mention I loved cartoons?), "The problem with sanity, is that it is a one trick pony. Now with insanity, the sky is the limit."

Truer words have never been uttered. Granted, truer words have been said, exposited, mumbled, or shouted, but never uttered. Never. When one is grounded in reality, one is limited by that very same reality. Not so when one does not recognize reality. I think my parents are fortunate enough to not be based in reality. They, however, are not based in any sort of interesting insanity. Turns out their insane existence, is really more inane than insane, but, for the record, it still ain't reality.

Just an FYI here: When I start mouthing off about my parents in generalities, I have absolutely nothing to write about. Nothing Nothing Nothing. Back to the boring post about my parental units' lack of interesting surreality.

Anything my Parental Units (PU's) do not understand, they immediately assume superiority to, in some way shape of form. For instance, it was not until 2 years ago that they bought a new VCR. Their first VCR was purchased in the early 1980's and I swear most of it was made from stone and wood and used some form of internal combustion engine to watch movies. When they purchased said VCR it cost, I am sure over $1000 and weighed at least 40 lbs. It was one of the 1st generation front loading VCR's with a cordless remote.

Boy, I dated myself with that reference. I am sure some of you reading this didn't know that VCR's could be top-loading, and you are wondering about the phrase "cordless remote."

Anyway... It was swanky and the best one could get as a top-of-the -line off-brand. I think it was a "Sany,""Zanith," or "Magnetvox" or some such nonsense. Anyway... 2 years ago they bought a new VCR. I am sure you are wondering where the lack of reality is for them in this purchase, and at the moment, I am as well. I have completely forgotten where I was going with this tale of the VCR. Well, let me see... I believe it has to do with their disdain for the "new DVD things." You see to them DVD's are not a proven technology, you know like 8-track tapes and am radio. So instead of getting a DVD player they bought a VCR. Umm, okay... that was not a good example. Hmmm let me see...

There was this time when one PU said that we (Wife and I) should not buy stamps at the Post Office, “because they cost more there.” That is not so much of an example of there superiority as much as an indication that they are stuck in 1981. In ’81 if one bought stamps from a stamp vending machine at the post office, one received change in stamps. It sucked, what the hell could you do with 25 one-cent stamps. Dated myself again, didn’t I? Anyway…

Now, I am sure I can come up with an example of the PU’s better-than-thou-in-our-ignorance mentality. Well, I am at a loss for a good example for that, so you will have to just take my word on this. Trust me; have I ever led you astray? Oh well, I will type more on Monday.

Of Restaurants, Sausage, and Politics.

I have been asked a few times by people who read this diatribe of mine, "Hey, where do you come up with this insightfully witty claptrap you call your blog?" Well, there is a saying about not wanting to know what happens in the kitchen of restaurants, how sausage is made, or how politicians get anything done. Well, you asked for it...

My mind is a vast wasteland of nothingness, well, at least that is how I would like to describe it. Then I could be a melancholy artist type. I would wear all black and talk about the merits of angst. “I would not be where I am today, had it not been for my angst…” Turns out, in all actuality, my mind is a jumbled up mess of useless factoids, swirling images of current life interspersed with ones from the past and maybe the future, thoughts about penguins and killer whales (such as how penguins and killer whales really do not apply to any formal color theory), obscure references, and endlessly looping annoying music.

(FYI: Right now the loop is something that I probably heard in the Barnes & Noble I worked at almost 8 years ago, and let me tell you, it is annoying. Sometimes it is bad MIDI arcade music, but that is only if I have to negotiate some sort of obstacle course. The Aimee Mann currently stuff running through my head is better than Elmo's World or the Doodlebops {it is Hell being a parent sometimes}. Damn.... I should not have mentioned the furry Muppet, now that is the song running through my head. At least it is not Mary Had a Little Lamb. Double Damn... Okay, now Winamp is open and I am listening to the dulcet tones of Zack De La Rocha and his happy go lucky band mates of Rage Against the Machine.)

Ah.... much better... Testify..... Anyway... There is too much going on inside the old noggin' to call it a Vast Wasteland of Nothingness. Now, I know some people would argue that ideas and memories really do not exist in any "real" capacity, well to them I say, "My mind is not a Vast Wasteland of Nothingness, it is a gooey mess of gray and white matter, a jumble of neural pathways dendrites, axons, etc..., but mainly it is gooey."

MP3's are great, Prodigy: Fire Starter

Anyway... operative words about the stuff between my ears are "jumbled" and "gooey," although the many levels and meanings of "icky" run a close third. Wow, I definitely seem batshit crazy today… Oh well, I guess I can live with that. Looking deep within the workings of my mind, I have discovered that I really do have a wealth of useless cartoon information. Like, I know an inordinate amount of information about the 80’s cartoon Bravestarr. Speed of the puma? SPEED OF THE PUMA?!?! WTF!!! Why the Hell do I remember anything about that cartoon? It was horrid. It was better than the craptastic cartoon, The Silverhawks, that followed it on TV every afternoon at 4:30, I mean WTH was up with that Bluegrass character?

Now you have seen into my mind, and I am sure you are the worse for it.

Turtle Porn

So my wife and young child went to the zoo yesterday and there were a few things that the wifey made remarks about...

Firstly: Many moms that were at the zoo, happened to be stay-at-home moms. Well, I guess, since they are at the zoo, they are not technically stay-at-home moms. I guess a better moniker would be not-working-for-profit moms.

Side note: I almost wrote “not-working-for-prophet moms,” but that would change the meaning entirely.

Back to the story at hand… of those many not-working-for-profit moms that she saw at the zoo, an inordinate amount of them were wearing khaki shorts and t-shirts in various solid colors, sort of like a uniform. They also tended to have the same haircuts, mannerisms, voices, etc... Stepford wives anyone?

Secondly: May 9th seems to be turtle sex day. She could not help but see turtles getting it on. It was the Kama Sutra of turtledom. Multiple partners, multiple positions, on the ground, in a tree, in the water, on rocks, in other critters' enclosures, I am sure she said something about sex swings. She reported that some turtles were fornicating in their natural predators' enclosures. I am sure they were having freaky, kinky turtle sex. Anywhere she turned turtles were bumping uglies. She couldn't swing a wet rag around without interrupting some "crazy shell on shell action." So if you are looking for some turtle porn, it looks like the Columbus Zoo is the place for you. If a turtle was not doing the old bone dance at that moment, it had just finished and was still smoking its cigarette. Everywhere was the turtle with 2 shells. Like it was a turtle rave with ecstasy being passed out like candy, just without the techno music, the flashing lights in an abandoned warehouse, oh, and there was no X as well. Just Turtles humping… Everywhere. Try to get that image out of your brain. It hurts, doesn’t it?

Anyway… looks like I will be using my kid as an exercise tool for a while. We just got the little man a Kelty Carrier, one of those backpack kid carriers thingies. So for the past week or so, I have been basically hiking with about a 30 pound rucksack. It has been some good bonding time with the little one, and better than nothing exercise for me. He seems to enjoy it, and it tires me out nicely. Just yesterday, I decided to take 3 stairs at once, and I was not winded. Beat that! It is getting easier, but I think part of that has to do with adjusting the straps better, more than any sort of health benefit yet. Now I just have to start going to the gym again, but that is a story for another day.

Rasssin' Frassin'

Okay, so I had this big old idea about how I was going to do a "Blog of the Beast" when my counter hit 666, but it is already at 671! Well, summadabitch! Now I have to think about a new blog topic. Damn this blog and its popularity!!!! Why do I have to be such a popular blogger, why?!?!?!? It makes me want to curse, Flintstone style... "Rassin' Frasssin' Rickin' Rackin'!!!!

Anyway... Now I have to come up with a new topic, and I am the suckiest suck that has ever sucked a suck when it comes to getting topics on a daily (or near daily) basis. It really is amazing that I have hit more than the number of the beast, seeing how weak my topics have become. I mean really, all I really jabber about is how Wheezy McAsthma is doing and bitch about working with engineers. I have not had a "I hate people" post or a "Boot on my head" post in a while.

Turns out my officemates are quite the little piggies. In fact, I have to say, "oink, oink" as a shout out to the office folk. So, what leads me to say that the coworkers are porcine? Well, it is quite simple, actually. One of my intrepid cartographers has taken it upon herself to bring in baked goods for the office on a regular basis. It turns out that today she brought in an apple pie... excuse me, a Dutch apple pie. It was gone in 4 minutes. "4 minutes", you ask? "Yes, 4 minutes," I respond. My office mates seem to be a cross between vultures and pigs. (Vultigs?) The email announcing said apple pie was broadcast, and before the electrons stopped flowing from the email, there was a line of people waiting to partake of the confection.

Side note: while I make fun of the officemates, I was 3rd in line. I cannot believe that 2 of the bastiges got ahead of me. Back to the story at hand.

Anyway... this, sadly enough, is not the fastest a pie has been taken off of the office's hands. I believe that was 2 minutes, but that pie was pre-sliced, it deserves a different metric. Anyway... the fact is that yours truly brought in a plate of brownies only 1 hr earlier. Food had already been in the office and the line that wanted pie, was the very same line that wanted brownies, myself included:(.

So to recap: I missed the post of the beast. I am dreadfully popular, Dammit! Flintstone cursing is old school! My bologna doesn't have a first name, it is meat for Chissakes!!! Topics are still not easy to come by. My officemates are little piggy vultures.

Cinco de mayo

Just so you know... if one misses a capitalization of a certain "M" in Cinco de Mayo, one loses the meaning of the Mexican Holiday but gains a half liter of mayonnaise. I honestly cannot say which is better to me. I no longer really drink that much, and I love me some ham sammaches. Cinco de Mayo is really just another holiday that Americans have appropriated to have an excuse to drink. St. Pats is another example of an American drinking holiday. Do we, as a culture, really need to steal other cultures holidays just for a drinking excuse?

I pretty much stay away from mixed drinks these days as well as wine. I think that I might be allergic to grain alcohol. Whenever I do drink whiskey, scotch, brandy, bourbon, vodka, orzo, or any other hard alcohol I immediately start sweating and my insides start burning with the fire of at least 7 small stars. As an aside, the results for tequila and rum are much more virulent. On the rare and odd occasion I will possibly have a beer. The problem arises when I have 3 or more beers in one evening. While not even being near enough to get me drunk or really even buzzing, when I get up the next morning, I feel like I drank a cat, an angry shedding cat without any vaccinations. So, no alcohol for me. It is no major loss these days, I would have missed the drink during college, but caffeine is my drug of choice now. "Yes, why thank you, I will have another Mt. Dew, why not just leave the pitcher?"

This ain't so easy to do

I am sure some of you readers out there in the blogosphere think that having a blog is easy. Well, it ain't as easy as it seems. I only blog whilst at work, because that's how I roll. I also work the hours that I am least creative (not due to careful planning as some of you might think, but due to conventional work hours, I am most creative during the hours between 11 pm and 1 am), and the period of time when I can blog at work occurs at my least creative time of the day at work, sometimes referred to as "morning." So blogging in the morning is not that conducive to me getting a witty post rolling through the interweb at high speeds, but that is the only time I can really get to this shtick. Oh well, deal with it...

So, it turns out that not only do I have a finite amount of knowledge I can store in my addlepated head about any one person in particular, I also have a finite amount of space in my brain for shoving game related skills into. For example, one time I found out the name of this guys father (funny story: turns out, oddly enough, the guy's father's name was Guy, go figure) and I promptly forgot his last name. And to the reason for telling you my certain lack of mental capacity has to do with the gaming aspect of this certain space limitation in my gray matter. With more playing of World of Warcraft and the eventual addition of abilities and skills within the game, I have lost my marginal ability to play Spider Solitaire, almost entirely. It is gone. Gone I tell you. Opening up a game of 2 suit spider used to be money in the bank. Win after win after win. I used to abhor not having a pattern left with the stacked cards at the end, and only tolerated when it was red, black, red, black, red, black, etc... But, alas and alack, my spider abilities have seemed to diminish. Now I might win every 10th game or so. How the mighty have fallen. On the other hand, I can kill a quillboar in 2 swings, Boo-Yah!!!!

Coherence

So.... I re-read yesterday's post and guess what I saw? Complete lunacy. Yup, completely lunatical ramblings. I might as well have been wearing a boot on my head for the amount of sense that I was making. I apologize for that, I was rather tired, and a bit cranky. So today, I strive for coherence, and not just, molecular coherence this time. On to the post of the day...

Today is my wife's first day of work at her new job. She really has no real idea as to what she will be doing on a day-to-day schedule, but that is half the fun of this job. It sounds as if she will be able to sort of carve out what her position will be. It sounds exciting, but I think today will be filled with HR formalities for the most part, and we all know that those are soooo much fun. I am sure she will have to endure many a 20 minute tape on various university policies. I wish her well today, and I cannot wait to hear about her day.

Anyway... I know some people who are intensely competitive, and what I have noticed is that if you are competing with everybody for everything, you will lose all the time. No matter how much money they make, Bill gates will always make more. No matter how much exercise they get, there are those insane idiots who do nothing but exercise. If they buy an SUV, a new bigger and "better" one will come out. There is not a chance of winning. Keeping up with the Jones's is a foolhardy past-time. Interesting thought about competitive people, if they are always competing with you, buy them a car. They will be required by competitive law to buy you a nicer one.

Soooo, I had to come in stupid early today

I had to get to work stupid early today. Butt crack of dawn early. Should have gone to bed early. My eyes! MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!! early. I hate leaving for work so early that when I start my car a wake up birds! Birds I tell you Birds! Birds never sleep, birds are always awake, watching me, judging me, following me .... Please forgive me, I am heartily sleep deprived. As a side note, I almost typed "depraved" instead of "deprived." That mistyping would have altered the meaning fairly radically.

Anyway... the emergency, the fire, the calamity that was the public involvement meeting preparation was not so much of a disastrous hurricane as a drizzly rain, not so much of a raging inferno as a freshly struck match-stick near a bucket of water. I came in way to early for the lack of work that had to be done. But, this is why I get paid the big bucks, and, let's be clear, by "big bucks" I mean "coins found in seat cushions."

Updates: This weekend was a better one for the little man. He actually got to see two playgrounds on Saturday and then have some serious indoor fun on Sunday afternoon. He definitely seems to have gotten through this cold without having to go on powerful steroids and without a visit to the ER much less the doctor. It is really an amazing feat for the little one. We are quite proud. His little lungs are getting to be big boy lungs.

The caregiver is feeling much better and the hemorrhaging is taken care of, so another round of free child care this week. Cannot promise anything for next week though.

Recently I have been thinking about the amazing levels of denial that my family (family growing up, not current family) cling to and thrive within. Nothing in particular has brought this thought about, but it has been swirling around in my jumbled cranium for bit now. It truly is amazing that they are allowed to vote, or operate heavy machinery. I one of the most blatant and easily noticeable feats of denial is their willingness not to see racism in Alabama even when some of the people in their Sunday school class also belong to the Klan. Just are not willing to see. It also helps that they are middle aged white folk in suburban Alabama.

The funny thing about privilege is that those of us that have it, do not notice it, because it is transparent to us. We are on the inside looking out with our rose colored glasses. I am a heterosexual white middle class male between the ages of 18 and 45. I have an amazing amount of privilege that I would not have even remotely been aware of if I were not married to a woman of color and now the father of a child of color.

Oh well, it is time for lunch. So lets review: Burning tired eyes are bad. I am suspicious of birds... they know why. The hurricane of changes I expected this morning, turned out to be morning dew. I wish I made more money. Little man did not have to go to see medicalk professionals this time around. We have child care this week!!! My childhood family is in amazing amounts of denial. I need Lunch.