Turtle Porn

So my wife and young child went to the zoo yesterday and there were a few things that the wifey made remarks about...

Firstly: Many moms that were at the zoo, happened to be stay-at-home moms. Well, I guess, since they are at the zoo, they are not technically stay-at-home moms. I guess a better moniker would be not-working-for-profit moms.

Side note: I almost wrote “not-working-for-prophet moms,” but that would change the meaning entirely.

Back to the story at hand… of those many not-working-for-profit moms that she saw at the zoo, an inordinate amount of them were wearing khaki shorts and t-shirts in various solid colors, sort of like a uniform. They also tended to have the same haircuts, mannerisms, voices, etc... Stepford wives anyone?

Secondly: May 9th seems to be turtle sex day. She could not help but see turtles getting it on. It was the Kama Sutra of turtledom. Multiple partners, multiple positions, on the ground, in a tree, in the water, on rocks, in other critters' enclosures, I am sure she said something about sex swings. She reported that some turtles were fornicating in their natural predators' enclosures. I am sure they were having freaky, kinky turtle sex. Anywhere she turned turtles were bumping uglies. She couldn't swing a wet rag around without interrupting some "crazy shell on shell action." So if you are looking for some turtle porn, it looks like the Columbus Zoo is the place for you. If a turtle was not doing the old bone dance at that moment, it had just finished and was still smoking its cigarette. Everywhere was the turtle with 2 shells. Like it was a turtle rave with ecstasy being passed out like candy, just without the techno music, the flashing lights in an abandoned warehouse, oh, and there was no X as well. Just Turtles humping… Everywhere. Try to get that image out of your brain. It hurts, doesn’t it?

Anyway… looks like I will be using my kid as an exercise tool for a while. We just got the little man a Kelty Carrier, one of those backpack kid carriers thingies. So for the past week or so, I have been basically hiking with about a 30 pound rucksack. It has been some good bonding time with the little one, and better than nothing exercise for me. He seems to enjoy it, and it tires me out nicely. Just yesterday, I decided to take 3 stairs at once, and I was not winded. Beat that! It is getting easier, but I think part of that has to do with adjusting the straps better, more than any sort of health benefit yet. Now I just have to start going to the gym again, but that is a story for another day.