H: 8 of 26

Here we go with the penultimate entry in the No Longer Random Alphabet of SRH. Today’s letter is the letter, H. I have to say that I am relived and a little saddened that this segment is coming to an end. What am I going to write about on Thursday’s after next week? Coming up with drivel for everyone to read is difficult. Just plain difficult.

Anyway… here we go.

H: Big H, Little h, Hungry horse, hay. Hen in a hat. Hooray! Hooray!

When I decided to start up this here Alphabet of SRH 25 weeks ago, I knew that day, that hour, that minute, that second, that I was going to write about hippos for H. So without further ado…

It all started innocently enough. A casual lunch conversation was casually lunching when my friend uttered those fateful words: “Did you know that the hippo has no natural enemies?” There was only one true and accurate response to that statement.

“They do now!”

Since I made hippos my second (the Yeti got the 1st) slot favored enemy (all you 5th level Rangers know what I’m saying, PHB 3.5 in tha house!), lets see just what has transpired, shall we? My wife lovingly (it was lovingly done, right?) psychoanalyzed me for my irrational hate of hippos and I responded. My blog has become the number 1 entry listed for the Google searches Hippo Enemy and Hippopotamus Enemy. I had 2 blogaversaries, oh, and THE HIPPO WAS NAMED TO THE ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST!!! I am quite effective in my hatred (or h8red for the text monkeys --raise your hand if you were born after 1990. Excuse me, what I meant was: u born 90+? raze h& kthxby!lol). Sure they say that the hippo is becoming endangered by loss of habitat, but I work in mysterious ways, baby!

What have I Learned about the hippo since naming it as my favored enemy?

• The Hippopotamus amphibious is a large land mammal that spends much of the time in a riverine environment.


• Bulls are very territorial and will attack even when unprovoked.


• Most African animal encounter caused deaths in Africa are due to unprovoked attacks by hippos.


• The closest biological relative to the hippo are the cetaceans and not other grazing mammals.



• The name Hippopotamus is derived from the 2 Greek words “hippo" and “potamus” which mean “horse” and “river” respectively.


• A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.
  
• A hippo can open its mouth 4 foot wide. (the "fact" above is just pure sensationalism)
  
• Maybe it should have read: A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall bomb inside.
  
• 'Cause it's true.
  
• In Egyptian mythology Taweret, Tauris, Toeris, and Reret are all names of a goddess of fertility portrayed as a hippo


• They do not like licorice or even the smell of anise


• Oh, and they go down like chumps!

Can I get an “A-men?”

To Recap:
I am not sure what my posting schedule will be for next week
There is a chance that I will be heading down to Alabama to see Capt. McArmypants
A very good chance, I just don’t know when exactly
I would like to know when soon so I can see if I am driving or flying
All that is left for the Alphabet is Y
Y is for Yeti
That’s good enough for me
The presentation from yesterday is completed
And there was much rejoicing
Have a great Labor Day weekend my US Readers!
Have a great weekend everyone

They are Evil I tell you!

No time

I got to work this morning and found 6 people waiting for me in my cubicle. Luckily it wasn’t 4 security guys, my boss, and a HR professional waiting with boxes… this time. It seems that the project I was working on with the assumption that it needed to be completed by end of business tomorrow needs to be finished by 8:30 tomorrow morning. Needless to say much of today has been a blur of activity. Sadly this leave you, the fine readers of Under Construction (which I shall now refer to affectionately as “the UC”) with a rather anemic post.

Such is the will of the working world some of the time. One might wonder why I didn’t just use the word “sometimes” instead of the phrase “some of the time.” Why, Dear Reader, it is simply because I do not wish to leave you and go back to final edits to the marketing presentation I am cobbling together.

To recap:
I have a shit-ton to do today
There is not a shit ton of time left in the day
I have a meeting to get to in 15 minutes
It is not about what I currently am having a fire drill about
Seems a bit frivolous to me
But my boss told me to be there
He also told me to have this presentation ready for tomorrow morning
He is correct about both
Tomorrow’s letter is H
Put on your killing shoes and get ready to talk smack about the hippo
I am bringing my A-game tomorrow
Not this c-game stuff you are reading right now
I am going to work out this evening
I need it

20 Questions Tuesday: 56 - The Weather part 1

So, I glibly asked people for questions about the weather because when you don’t have anything else to say, you start talking about the weather. So far I have gotten a glut of questions. This topic will definitely span 2 weeks. Today there will be a high of 91ºF (32.778º C) and sunny.

Thanks this week go to Bomber, WV Slim, Dustin, Lord Pithy, Lsig, Tree Monkey, and JA Coppinger.

On to the questions:
1. What was the weather like on the day you were married? on the day Little Man was born? (give the date, please)
Wedding - 09.06.97: The weather was typical for a fall day. It was partly cloudy in the morning with a hint of chill. I think it got into the upper 70’s that day. It was a gorgeous day.
Little Man birth - 07.25.03: Hot and sunny and wonderful

2. What weather disaster to you find most frightening?
Tornados. Tornadic activity is so sporadic and arbitrary. One house can be completely obliterated while the neighbor’s is untouched.

3. Why are weathermen so odd and unappealing, yet weatherwomen tend to be sorta hot? Why can't the female viewers (or gay men) get the joy of some eye candy while learning whether we need a sweater the next day?
The initial reasons have to do with the fact that most meteorologists in the beginning were men because women were discouraged from studying sciences. So the nerdy guys were the meteorologists and the women on TV were hot “weather readers.” Now people expect women on TV who deal with weather to be hot. Men? There has not been too much of a clamor for hotness. I think people looking towards beefcake don't generally look to the news

4. How can there be global warming if there is a huge hole in the ozone layer?
It is quite cold under the hole in the ozone layer. I always find it interesting that many of the arguments about global warming occur when it is coldest outside or about areas that are insanely cold. In college, the only article I ever saw about global warming in the student newspaper was printed when it was -14ºF (-25.55ºC). No one gave a crap about the negative effects of global warming when they couldn't feel their toes from frost bite.

5. Do you like Columbus' climate?
Pretty much

6. Waterspouts: “totally awesome” or “totally will ruin your day on the beach”?
Waterspouts are completely awesome. Awesome to the max!

7. What’s the biggest piece of hail you’ve ever had hit you?
Pea-sized. I was backpacking in New Mexico. Oh, I am urbane.

8. Do you find fog comforting?
I more find fog eerie and foreboding, especially at night.

9. On Gilligan's Island, why was it always a sunny bright day unless weather was needed as a plot point? I mean, it was never just a drizzly day in the background. What's up with that?
Well, the weather in the 3 hour tour radius from Hawai’i is very story driven. It has to do with the Gulf Stream. Very complicated.

10. All of my knowledge of California weather comes from the Brady Bunch. It never rains in California. Why isn't California one big desert?
It has to do with the Gulf Stream. Very Complicated.

11. If you were a weather pattern, what would you be?
Stationary Front…. uh... I’m gonna wait

12. How would you mess with the TV weatherman if you were an intern producer? (Not a producer of interns, but a producer serving his internship at a television station.)
Porn.

13. Growing up in Ohio, I always heard people complain about how you never knew what the weather was going to be from one day to the next, or even from the morning to the afternoon. I assumed that this was true everywhere, and that wherever anyone lived they would complain about the same thing. Having moved to a different state, I now know that, no, Ohio does actually have some pretty bi-polar weather patterns. Can you account for this?
Ohio is in an area where 3 different predominant weather systems collide. We get dry cold air from the north (Thanks Canada). We get hot wet air from the Gulf States. We get even more stuff coming in from the Mountain States to the west. Since all 3 of those meet in Ohio, Ohio’s weather is very volatile. It can change rather rapidly and pretty significantly.

14. What is the best weather-related song?
A) "It's raining men" by the Weather Girls
B) "Walking on sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves
C) "Here comes the rain again" by the Eurythmics
D) " Sunshine on my shoulder" by John Denver
E) Some other choice of your own (please state your selection)
I choose you, B! Katrina and the Waves’ “Walking on Sunshine” is absolutely contagious.

15. Do you think the “hot, humid, 100 degree” weather is done for the year? Even my cat has taken to jumping in the fridge, it’s been so darn warm!
August is not over just yet, so kitty-cicles might still be part of the freezer on your fridge.

16. Living in Alabama, have you ever experienced any “extreme” weather?
Remnants of Hurricanes. Tornadic stuff. Southern super cells, but I would not say that I have experienced weather to the X-TREME!

17. Snow: why is some of it wet and heavy, while other times it light and dry?
All about the relative humidity when the snow is formed. That and it has to do with the Gulf Stream. Very Complicated.

18. Ever stood outside in a violent storm just to say “Damn, that’s cool!”?
This past Saturday. (much to Wifey's chagrin)

19. Is a “dry heat” really any better than a humid heat?
Depends on what you are trying to cook. Steamed vegetables, I would suggest a rather humid heat. Dry heat is for pizza, baby!

20. What’s up with the weather people? Can’t they open up a window in the studio and see that their “current forecast” (oxymoron, BTW!) is just plain WRONG????
Most news studios don’t have windows. Some don’t have doors. They slide food through a slit in the wall and then get tasered back into their sleeping chambers.


To Recap:
Yes, I said "Awesome to the max!"
I am not sure if “taser” should be a verb
I amend that, it should most definitely be a verb
I also believe that donut should be a verb as well
And not necessarily in the driving in circles way
I mean the chucking a donut to a friend so that they can consume it greedily
Now that’s a verb!
Yo, G! Donut me!
You know what I’m saying
After 3 bad experiences giving blood I am about to do it again
I hope I don’t have to punch anyone this time
I hate punching blood letters
Blood letters are not like runes, they are people who draw blood
I know there is a more technical term for it
But "leech wrangler" sounds so Medieval
I need a nap

Letters

Dear SRH,

I got a cryptic email from Capt. McArmypants on Friday of last week. It stated (and I am paraphrasing here) that he should be getting back stateside sometime later that day or on Saturday for his leave (that he gets during his deployment to Afghanistan). The email also stated that Kuwait was scorching hot as well, but that is beside the point. Since that time, I have not heard anything from him, and it has me mildly concerned about his whereabouts.

I don’t want to be a bother but could you try to get down to the bottom of this?

--Worrywart Within You

Dear Worrywart Within You Me,

Mind your own damn business. The good readers of Under Construction don’t desiderate to decipher your inane mind numbing apprehensions. The mediocre readers of Under Construction don’t want to read your boring and trite worries. The bad readers of Under Construction dont red werds too gooder.

I have a question for you as well. What do you expect me to do? Email his mom to track him down? Call the only number of his that you have that still seems to be in service, even if it is to a house that no one currently lives in (except for that ghost and the Rat King, but those are stories for a different day)? Check the g-mail account every 10 minutes to see if he has responded to your last email? Really, what divining powers do you think I have that can track down some Capt. in the army who may or may not be in transit from a combat zone?

Instead of wasting their time with you trivial concerns, wow them with a tale of Little Man’s antics. Or bemuse them with the clever turn of a phrase with different levels of meaning. The fine readers of Under Construction don’t need to be weighed down with your concerns. Keep it light. Keep it fluffy. Send the good people a link to some useless corner of the Internet. Make a pithy comment about how the LA Galaxy suck even more when Beckham isn’t playing.

Get your head out of your ass; the issue is just the inefficiency of the army. He is probably sitting on some tarmac in Germany waiting for a flight stateside that is not filled to the gills with afghan rugs being shipped out by generals.

--SRH

Dear SRH,

You are an ass.

--Worrywart Within You

Dear Worrywart Within You Me,

Shut it worry-monkey or I will let out Body Image With Self-Loathing. And nobody, NOBODY, wants that.

--SRH

Dear SRH

You wouldn’t dare?

--Worrywart Within You

Dear Worrywart Within You Me,

Oh, I would and I will…

--SRH

Top recap:
I have got to get to the gym today
Good Lord, am I out of shape or what?
I guess pear-shape is a shape
When I think about how much running I did when I played soccer I am just sick at my current state of physical affairs
I think I might need a girdle
Sweet Jebus, where are my toes?!?!?
I can’t see my toes!!!
Oh, I am such a fat slob
Oh, there are my toes
They were in my shoes the whole time
That’s why I couldn’t see them
Silly me

S: 19 of 26

Okay, only 2 more of these letters posts after this one. We are in the 25th installment of the No Longer Random Alphabet of SRH. This week it is the letter S. I am slammed at work at the moment, so I will make this relatively quick. Here comes the letter.

S: Big S, Little s, Silly Sammy Slick sipped six sodas and got sick, sick sick

This was one of those letters that took no time at all to come up with a word. S to me is for Soccer. I am going to focus on one particular aspect of my soccer life.

I started playing soccer when I was 5 years old on a YMCA team called the Little Rascals, we wore green. Eventually I joined my neighbor’s team the FIREBIRDS! (the exclamation point is absolutely necessary), probably when I was 10 or so. When I was 11 we switched out of the YMCA-leagues and transitioned into a more competitive league. That summer my coach (who went by the name Bibb for some unknown reason) went to England to get his coaching certification. We kicked everyone’s ass that year. When I was 12 we decided to take the team to England so he could get a higher level coaching certification and we could go to the esteemed Bobby Charlton School of Football in Manchester England (I have written about it before). That year was 1986. 1986 was the first year that David Beckham went to that very same footie camp.

Since we brought over our entire team one of the highlights of the camp was our playing the camp all-stars in our age bracket on the Thursday night before we left. Now, at most, the camp ran for 1 months with 4 one week camps going on (currently they only offer 2 one-week camps, but I am being generous here for sake of argument). Beckham is one year younger than me so he would have been in the same age bracket. He performed so well at the camp that year that the following year he moved into an age category higher than he should have been. Therefore he would have been on the field as an all-star that week (provided we were there the same week). Beckham has primarily been a right midfielder and at that time I was a left fullback. One of my favorite past-times on the pitch was to slide-tackle wingers who were attempting to cross the ball into the box, and I remember quite clearly tackling most people who came down MY flank that day. We lost the game 2 to 0 that evening, but no one scored coming down the my side of the field (as far as I recall). I was an enforcer, what can I say?

I propose that there is a 1 in 4 probability that I have played David Beckham in the international game of soccer, and I further propose that there is a 1 in 6 chance that I planted his ass in the turf for trying to come down my side of the field. All in all I like to think that my 25% chance of playing Beckham is nice, but a 16.667% chance of shutting down someone who has become the icon of a sport is even better.

Oh, and this is for the ladies…

By the way, if he did play that night, I shut him down!

To recap:
All that is left in this alphabet are H and Y
Hippos and Yetis…
I have to by a new DVD-ROM drive for my home PC
So I guess I have to travel to Best Buy this evening
If you want to watch that che-che-froo-froo midfielder I potentially pownd he will most likely play tonight on ESPN2 at 10pm EST
It has been raining buckets this week
I am back in the throes of my true addiction
Little Man calls it “caffeine sprite”
Wifey says she used to call her mom’s marijuana “seaweed”
She somehow connects these two things
I don’t see it
Wifey says a bunch of things
Great, now Mom-in-Law is going to be all defensive about the “seaweed” thing.
I myself think the world would be a slightly better (if smellier) place with an increase of the “seaweed”
I already have a drug of choice
It is green, cool, and tastes like heaven
Have a great weekend everyone

Ultimate power

So I was all motivated to do some work today. I have been a bit lax in the motivation department lately because it has been very grey and overcast if it is not raining. The rain has been fairly constant as well. In fact, I am not looking forward to going into the basement tonight and seeing how much water is standing in the basement floor. It is a downfall associated with the neighborhood area that I live in.

Anyway… here I was all bright eyed and bushy tailed, rip roaring ready to go when my work environment altered itself significantly. The alteration was temporary in nature, but had further reaching effects other than its temporary inconvenience. You see, dear readers, the power went out. It is hard to work in a desktop computer environment when the power goes out. Difficult indeed. The power went out for a second, and then came back on, went off, came on, went off, came on, and then stayed off. So let’s see, the power re-routed 3 times and failed each time. We figured that the power would be off for a good amount of time.

This did not bode well for the productivity. I could actually feel the motivation leaking from me moment by moment. Each minute sans power caused more and more of my work ethic to erode, until finally I was looking for a quite corner in which to nap. If I did not have a penchant for the snoring, I would most likely have ridden this power outage in an unconscious state. Blessed unconsciousness…

So to make a medium sized story prattle on for a few more lines, I lost that motivation super quick without the artificial lighting to fuel my inner fire. You gots ta have artificial lighting to get motivated to work on a pc.

To recap:
24th installment of the No Longer Random Alphabet of SRH tomorrow
I can hear the collective bated breaths
Oh, great, now I am hearing things
I used my cell phone as a flash light in the bathroom
This is what the bathroom looks like without power
We had ice cream today at work
I feel bloated
Either today or tomorrow I need to get to the gym
Pending on Wifey’s work out schedule
We both cannot work out at the same time
Cause then Little Man would be left at home… alone…
With matches...
Scissors...
Duck tape...
Stuffed animals...
Flour...
A power drill...
And 3 year old left-over cat food
The picture I am imagining is a scary one…

20 Questions Tuesday: 56 - the Present

There is no time like the present, mainly because the present is always fleeting. The last couple of 20 Questions Tuesday topics have been about the future and the past, so today’s is about the present.

Thanks this week go to Tree Monkey who is presently staring at some Autodesk software, Dustin who is presently confused by bumblebee flight, the Em who is presently contemplating the striping on tigers, themikestand who is presently discussing Keynesian economic theory and its impact on the price of halibut in P.E.I., Allrileyedup who is presently trying to find a recipe for cookies not involving wheat, milk, rice, corn, soy, dairy, or cat dander, and JW who is currently sweeping up the remnants of someone’s erstwhile coiffure.

On to the questions:

1. Presently, if you look back at how you thought your life would be 15 years ago now, are you right on track, have done more than you thought you would, or still have some catching up to do? In all aspects of your life, family, work, socially…. If you think about your present life, is this where you thought you'd be (with work, marriage, kids, etc.) at this age?
In some ways “no,” but in others “not applicable.” I think that 15 years ago when I was a rather naïve 18 year old, I would not have dreamt that my life would be where it is today. My 18 year old self had no real concept of what responsibilities and life were.

2. How are Little Man’s allergies and asthma?
They are doing pretty well right now. We are hoping that with the recent deluge that some of his environmental snottiness might be eleviated. Ragweed has been a bitch recently.

3. Explain to me how I can give someone a “present,” I can “present” myself to other people, and I can live in the “present.” I mean, talk about needing to nail down a definition. Why do the tense and the object-one-receives-as-a-gift (or the act of bestowing something on someone) share the same name? Is it because if someone asked you when you would like a gift, you'd almost always say "now!" ?
If I were a cultural anthropologist who specifically focused on linguistics and their subtle evolution, I might be able to answer your question. As it is though, I would be forced to answer, “I dunno.”

4. Do you ever dream about leaving the present?
I am constantly leaving the present behind in the past and moving towards the future.

5. How many pairs of shoes do you presently own?
6 that I wear regularly and 15 total that I can think of.

6. Will you ever give Little Man a digital video recorder and allow him to film things to his heart’s content then post said things to YouTube thereby creating the ultimate reality TV show, “Little Man for the Masses”…?
Nope. Little Man is a bit rough on electronics. There are other ways that I can flush money into a toilet.

7. There is no question seven presently
Good, I will skip it and go on

8. Which present-day ruler (of a country, not a 30cm measuring device) do you most closely associate with?
Helen Clark the PM of New Zealand. She seems to be the most realistic of country heads at the moment. She is rather down to earth. Since she is that down to earth there is a better chance of her willingness to associate with me. Most rulers are from a social strata that I am not privy to and therefore would not be willing to associate with me.

9. How would you explain to Little Man that "now" is only "now" for as long as it takes to say the word, after which it becomes "then"?
I think I would show him a Direchlet delta function and describe the partial differential equations that help to describe that system. There would be charts and graphs.

10. What are you thinking, right now?
You don’t really want to know

11. If you weren't blogging the answers to 20 Questions right now, what would you like to be doing?
Georeferencing rain gauge locations in Mali, Africa.

12. What is the worst birthday present you ever received?
A pink cassette holder. The cassette holder was pink. It wasn’t necessarily meant to hold only pink cassettes.

13. Do you enjoy reading books/stories that use the present tense?
Yes.

14. What is your opinion of the expensive gift baskets given to awards show presenters?
I find it very interesting that they give expensive presents to people who have more money than god. I hate them for it and their Gucci hand bags.

15. Have I missed any other versions of the word present?
Not that I can think of.

16. Is "pre-sent" a word, like I pre-sent my luggage to my destination via FedEx so that the airport wouldn't lose it, and then the FedEx train derailed, so I had to go without my favorite pair of pajamas that have purple dinosaurs wearing rollerblades?
Firstly, Judges?... The judges have ruled and yes "pre-sent" is now a word. Secondly I am alarmed that you have a universe of pajamas decorated with purple rollerblading dinosaurs such that you have had to choose a favorite.

17. Do you think our kids will look back on the present gas prices when they're our age, lamenting about how cheap it was in comparison to their gas prices?
I think the price of gas for our kids will eventually be less, because I do fervently believe that alternative power sources will be the predominant power plant for most engines sometime in our children’s lifetime (actually in the near future because oil production is peaking). With the decreased demand supply will go up and with increased supply prices will go down.

18. Why is the allure of time travel so much greater than just living and being content with the present?
Because time travel is cool and most likely involves some kind of sound/light effects that make the time traveler seem even cooler.

19. Given the present state of affairs, why are people still so willing to stand behind a political cabinet that clearly disregards their followers (and the rest of the country's) best interests?
People are sheep.

20. What would you like to be snacking on right at this very second? (Caloric amount be damned)
Vanilla Bean Cheesecake (although that ain’t snacking)

To Recap:
I have work I need to do
Mimma is heading out of town this weekend
Rain jackets for adults are not nearly as fun as rain jackets for kids
Mints make my breath minty
Free mints make my breath REALLY minty
Really, how did Rod Stewart become a sex symbol?
His hair is like someone bleached a skunk and taped it to his head
And the only reason the hair is there is to detract from the nose
Can someone help me on this one?

If you want my body
and you think I'm sexy
come on sugar let me know.
If you really need me
just reach out and touch me
come on honey tell me so

Yet another fourth birthday play date this weekend
Little Man got an “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time” T-shirt
I-R-O-N-Y
You know what else is ironic?
No?
Well, if you figure something out – tell me.
I’m all into irony these days.

Captain Little Man

So on Saturday Little Man did something that he has never done before. Little Man is all about the ritual. He thrives on the ritual. The ritual is his water, he can not live without it. Here is a breakdown of the ritual. Bath, dry-off, get pajamas on, medicines, 2 books, brush teeth, goodnight hugs, goodnight kisses, Papa lays down and tells 2 stories, papa lays down for 3 minutes, drink of water, band-aid, lip-balm, and the ritual is capped off with turning on music for him to sleep to.

It is a pretty involved ritual and it is only broken by the occasional movie night or soccer game night. On rare occasions it is broken down by either late evening family shenanigans or being away from the house. It is, however, pretty much the standard nightly ritual. Now, pay attention to this nightly ritual detail, because it is absolutely unnecessary for the story.
Little Man gets in the bath, and promptly stands on one leg with his other leg at a right angle from his hip. He grins at me and says, “Hey, Papa! LOOK!” When I look, he starts peeing. That’s right, he assumes a Captain Morgan pose and then pees. I made up a graphic to illustrate. It can be found here.

To Recap:
It was an uneventful weekend
As denoted by the above story
Wifey and I got to actually go and watch a 1st run movie!
We saw Stardust
You know it is a good movie when Robert DeNiro is the weak link
I have to go to the gym tonight
And Wednesday night
And Friday night
And the following Monday
Etc…
If I don’t get this to be a routine
I will never actually get any healthier
Tomorrow’s 20 questions will be all about the present

Z: 26 of 26

Here we are at week 23 of 26. Only three more letters left. Today we will focus on the 26th of the 26 letters in our English alphabet, Z. Z is an odd letter because it is not referred to in the same manner even within the same language in different countries. Queen’s English speakers (I shall call them Queens) refer to the letter denoted by the symbol “Z” as “Zed.” Their transatlantic Anglophones (I shall call them Trannies) on the other hand, refer to the very same symbol as “Zee.” What’s up with that? Why can’t the Queens and the Trannies get along? Hey, you Canadians, the English speaking ones, (Je ne touche pas que les Quebecois appellent la letter “Z.”{please feel free to correct my French if anyone is so inclined. My vocabulaire is rusty and my grammar is pretty bad as well. ) are you Queens or Trannies?

Anyway… on to the letter:

Z: a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, I, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, and … Z! Big Z, little z, What begins with Z? I do. I’m a zizzer zazzer zuzz as you can plainly see.

The last letter of the alphabet is a tough one. I really cannot think of anything to associate myself with the letter Z. I thought about Zebra, but ruled that out since I still want my wife to talk to me. Even though my child’s multi-ethnic background is a big portion of my thoughts, the “zebra” angle would get me divorced.

I thought about Zero, but I couldn’t come up with zip, zilch, nada to describe how Zero related to me. Zealous was an option, but with my aboundance of apathy it did not work. The only thing I am zealous about is my lack of zeal, and really that is even too contradictory than I can handle.

Zoom? No. Zig Zag? No. Zipper? No (I prefer button fly). Zanzibar? Nope. Zarf? Well, I have been known to quaff a zarf now and then, but is it really me? Not really. Ziggy? Nope, that crap is duller than Garfield. Zephyr? I do fart a bunch, but no. Zeitgeist? What the Hell is that? Zionism? Sorry, protestant, agnostic or atheistic here. Zen? You gotta be kidding me. Zeppelin? A bit before my time. Zombie? Nope. Zoot Suit? RIOT! Zoophagous? I do like meat, but that is more a trait of Wifey. Zodiac Sign? I am a cusper, that system doesn’t work that well for me. Zany?...ummm, has no relevance to my life. Zenith? Only time will tell when I was at my zenith.

So none of the words I could come up with really worked. Instead I will select a Z word at random from the dictionary, give the definition and use it in a sentence.

zig·gu·rat: (zĭg'-ə-rāt'); n, A temple tower of the ancient Assyrians and Babylonians, having the form of a terraced pyramid of successively receding stories.
[Akkadian: ziqqurratu, temple tower, from zaqāru, to build high; see zqr in Semitic roots.]

A sentence… Hmmmm…

Zoser’s architecture was very derivative of the Babylonian’s since his “innovative” step pyramid was basically an encased ziggurat.

To recap:
Looks like we will be having a casserole tonight
It shall be yummy
I shall call it Cream of Chicken and Wild Rice Casserole a la SRH
And it shall be good
So it shall be written
So it shall be done
I just had lunch and am already hungry
Big Thunderstorm last night
We lost power and had a difficult time explaining that to Little Man this morning when we got up
When one wants chickies, power loss be damned, one wants chickies
Damnit!
Luckily, the power came back on this morning
I need to do some laundry before I go to the gym again
Even at the gym I like to have relatively clean underwear
Have a great weekend everyone

Phone Hell

For the past 90 minutes I have been sitting in on a conference call that doesn’t look like it will end anytime soon. So far I have spoken 4 sentences over the entirety of the 90 minutes +. My neck hurts and my ear is sweating. It is difficult to not start conversations with others while “on” this phone call. I am really going a bit nuts. Not to mention that they whine a bunch whenever someone types.

To recap:
Kill me now
Please, please make it stop
Why can’t I die?
Why can’t this phone call end

I hate the sweaty ear
Sweet merciful Jebus, please let me go into the nether
Tomorrow I shall write about the dreaded Z

20 Questions Tuesday: 55 - the Past

I went with a new look today. Not sure how long it will stay, but for now, it is going to be the template. I know I need to do some minor edits to it, but spelling errors occur at 2 am, in fact they are almost mandatory.

Today’s 20 Questions Tuesday is all about the past. Everyone (nearly) who sent in questions asked what my first memory is, so instead of answering this one in the questions, I will give that answer here, kind of as an up front bonus. Q: What is your first memory? A: Well, it is a tie between 2 memories (because I don’t know which one is older than the other since they were from about the same time. Memory the first is of a toy plane. It is a red plastic plane with a metal wheel axel and black plastic wheels and a blue plastic propeller. It wasn’t doing anything, just sitting there. I hear that it was my toy that went with me everywhere. Memory the second is of getting bit on the nose for going down a slide properly. Sure someone was climbing up the slide at the time, but it was my turn dammit! He bit my nose for sliding into him, the little prick.

Anyway… Thanks this week go to Lsig, Peefer, ACW, Allrileyedup, Dustin, and Wifey.

On to the questions:

1. Is there something you've learned from your own past that will help you NOT be doomed to repeat it?
Not that I can hink of.

2. What's your favorite "zoic" era?
Mesozoic, baby! It was the golden age of the ‘zoics.

3. Why do fashion styles from the past get recycled so quickly?
Because fashion is fickle and people have short memories.

4. Why is the present tense, the future imperative, but the past imperfect?
Because the most of the present is not progressive, we must look to the future together, and the past is never truly complete so it is always imperfect.

5. What are you most glad is part of the past?
High school. I hated that crap

6. Did the past really exist? or was it made up in the future (that future being our past - oh my brain hurts...)?
The past is always recorded in its future, so in many ways the answer to your above question is “Yes,” and “Yes”

7. Did you have to evacuate due to hurricanes while living in Alabama?
Nope, Birmingham is way too far north for hurricane evacuation being necessary. We did get pounded by the remnants of hurricanes though. I think a few times the system was still organized enough to be called a “tropical storm,” and more than a few “tropical depressions” moved through the neighborhood.

8. What was the worst natural disaster that you experienced?
I was in an area very close to where a tornado touched down. I did not see the tornado, so I can’t say that I really “experienced” a tornado.

9. Any regrets, so far?
None the I can hink of

10. What was the Boer War about anyway?
To boil it down to it’s simplest reason… Okay, the British annexed the bankrupt Dutch Transvaal colonies in what we now know as South Africa. In doing so the Boers (Dutch for farmer) were not happy with Imperial British control, so they revolted. The original Dutch colonists felt oppressed by the British Empire. This led to 2 wars which the British eventually won.

11. What is the difference between the past tense and past participle?
On is rigid and the other dangles?

12. What period of history sports the best advances in mathematical theory (I’m curious as to just how much you learned in that history of math class)?
Well, honestly the biggest explosion on mathematical ideation happened in 2 time periods.

The first was with the introduction of written language and number systems. People were able to really start better accounting and therefore math systems once they could start writing stuff down. For ease of historical record, we will attribute this explosion to the ancient Babylonians. They were the first major society to have a significant population of non labor scholars to investigate stuff.

The second is truly the modern era. I consider the modern era to be post 1908 publishing of Principia Mathematica by Bertrand Russell. By this time many different people were investigating the theory that mathematics rested upon. The number of people and their relative connectedness allowed collaborative discoveries and more continual discovery. It is a very fascinating time to be “into” math right now.

13. Have you ever heard people pronounce Pabst Blue Ribbon as Past Blue Ribbon, and if so, did you correct them?
I am from Alabama. I learned a long time ago not to correct any one’s pronunciation of alcoholic beverages. No good can come of that.

14. Is the space-time continuum as fragile as science would have us believe? I mean, like in the Simpsons episode where Homer travels back in time and keeps messing things up by infecting dinosaurs with the flu...that's just in he cartoons...right?
One can only hope, since I have been traveling into the past and messing with shit.

15. So when people say "your past catches up with you," does that mean all the ants I've ever fried with a magnifying glass are going to come back and kick my ass one of these days, or more like those breaking and entering charges on my record are really gonna hinder me in the WA gubernatorial race?
It is all about universal inescapable karma. Not instant karma, that is a different thing all together. Just so you though, Them is a documentary. Your ant killing days will come to haunt you.

16. If I traveled back to pre-historic times and became chieftain of my own cave-person tribe via my ability to "create" fire...would you come hang out with me? I'd let you ride my pterodactyl...
Pterodactyls are Mesozoic (mentioned earlier. Holla Holla, Dinosaurs in tha House! ) but tribal groups don’t show up until the late Paleolithic. Sadly, even if you did impress early man with fire, there would be no pterodactyl for you to ride. However one could ride an ostrich, and should. I am all about the riding of ostriches. It would be like playing Joust without the midi music

17. Since our great love would have been against the law in the past, who do you think you would have married? (Careful how you answer this one, I’ve seen this picture.)
If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right! Anyway, that lady means nothing to me... nothing. Plus I dont think she finds me all that partnerable.

18. Being that your job has never called upon your math degree, do you wish you had picked a different major in the past?
I cannot say that I have “never” had to use my math degree at my job. One time I did have to determine the Laplace transform function for the polynomial expression of our profits over time function (sadly it is asymptotic to zero), but I most likely should have done the Lagrange transformation. What was I thinking?

19. Little Man “past” gas on me hand this morning. He thought it was pretty funny. Your thoughts?
That is pretty funny

20. When iPod’s are passé, what genius invention will Apple develop to pick up the slack?
They are trying to make the iPhone the newest iPod, but I think there will be a bit of a resurgence of dedicated technology. Tech today seems to be heading toward the all-in-one devices, but until batteries get me reliable and longer lifed, people will start to migrate back towards independent devices. I don’t want to have my phone die while on a phone call with my boss because I had just been listening to Mahna Mahna.


To recap:
No, really, is there something you've learned from your own past that will help you NOT be doomed to repeat it?
Not that I can hink of
Damn! That’s one mistake that repeated itself
Ummm... repeatedly
Dr. B-Dawg just sent me some questions
I will answer them in this recap
Is there a deep connection as to why past, pasta, and paste look so close to each other, but are so disparate?
There is a loose association with the words. Paste is made with flour and water, while pasta is made from water, semolina (specific type of flour) and eggs. So I guess the past is just water
Did Scrooge get a little to dramatic about the ghosts of past, present and future?
He was pretty dramatic about the Ghost of Past and Present and rather indifferent about the ghosts of Past Progressive, Future Subjunctive, Present Conditional, and Past Perfect
Could your future you beat up a past you in a hand to hand battle. What about with non-projectile weapons? Weapons of their respective eras?
Well my future me (unless I get to the gym) will be a pasty out-of-shape middle aged at best white guy, while my past me will be a competitive fencer. My money is on the past me.
I should work out tonight
Maybe I will after dropping Little Man off at home
I want to give my future self a fighting chance against that arrogant fencing upstart

Beginnings

There is no better way to start a week than sleep deprived and irritable. I am sure of it. I am sooo sure of it, that I have been doing it for the past 7 years. That is commitment to a philosophy, baby! I mean, really, if it weren’t working, do you think I would still be doing it? That would be just plain silly. I mean why would I continue to do the same thing over and over again if I thought it would bring about a different outcome than the best way to start a work week? That would just make no sense whatsoever, and I am all about the sense making. No really.

I have found that to be in the correct frame of mind for a 40 hour a week computer based job, it is best if I am slightly grumpy and easily caused to yawn. This edge to my voice and quickness to indicate boredom has endeared me to many a co-worker and superior. Many a work assignment has been not asked for because of a steely Clint-Eastwood-esque glint in my eye. You know the look that Clint gives when he is about to shoot someone with a big old handgun? Yeah, that look. Well, my look is vaguely similar. To be fair, it is not a steely nor a really imposing look. Basically my looks comes off as whiney and complainish. In essence exchange the threat of violence at the hands of Dirty Harry, to a hint of guff that one might endure at the hands of SRH, and I think you might be on the correct track for the sleep deprived grumpiness I exude. Oh, guff has been given in the past, and no one wants this guff… no one!

I have also gotten out of many a work assignment by haphazardly employing the use of a well-timed inadvertent yawn. Nothing says to a coworker that their story is boring the paint off the walls like an uncontrollable yawn. This yawning often indicates to the person I am talking with that their conversation needs some help in the delivery.

It also helps to be recently un-showered and needing a good shave. I should know, I have been doing a companywide longitudinal study on the affects of slightly bad hygiene and level of work/life endearment. I am going into my 5th year of the study and the statistics might surprise you. They didn’t surprise me though, mainly because I am the one cooking the data, but that is a story for another day.

My co-workers, they love me, and I won’t hear otherwise.

To recap:
English Premiere League started up this weekend
Now we can see some top flight soccer early in the day and cap it off with some top mid level stuff with MLS in the evenings
It is a good mix of the 2
Fulham FC really need to play stronger than last year
One of the comic book artists I have been following passed away this weekend
I am simply stunned (the above link is getting pegged pretty hard, try this one)
And here I was thinking that people dying didn’t affect me much anymore
Does this make me have, how do you hoo-mons call it, feelings again?
Mike Wieringo is one of the reasons that I decided to start doing artistic stuff again
Rest in Peace, Mike

V: 22 of 26

Since there are only 5 letters left I have decided to take them in a less than random order. By random chance, honestly random chance, H and Y have stayed out of the mix. They shall be the last letters. So sayeth the author, so it shall be written, so it shall be done. Of the remaining letters, H, S, Y, and Z, the only one I do not have a word for so far is Z. Any ideas?

So for today the letter in question is the 22nd letter of the English alphabet, the letter “V.” There is a TV miniseries from the 80’s associated with the letter. There is a 1980’s comic book series with V very prominent in the title which was later made in to a movie in 2005. It has been a symbol of victory. It has been a symbol for peace. It is a very versatile letter to say the least. V is one of those letters that harkens back to the proto-alphabets of the pre-Roman eras. I think it started out as a bulls head or something like that. Anyway, the V is a letter that is near and dear to my heart. “Why?” You ask. Well you have to keep reading to get that answer.

V: Big V, Little v, Vera Violet Vinn is very very very awful on her violin.

Oh, where to start. V was an easy letter for which to come up with a word. I have waxed eloquent on the topic before, and I am sure that I will again. Some might find this word to be bland and boring, but it is not for me. No, not for me… In the lexicon of SRH, V stands for, and will always stand for, Vanilla.

The issue with using vanilla as my V word is not some much how much I love Vanilla, but more to the matter, where to start with my love for Vanilla. Should I talk about the wonders of stepping from plain vanilla to French vanilla and then to vanilla bean? Would it be better to start with how most other sweet flavors recognize their need for vanilla in their preparation? I truly am at a loss for where to start this process.

I will begin at the beginning. Why is vanilla unique? Vanilla is the extracted from the seed pod from a particular orchid. In fact, this seed pod is the only portion of any orchid which (correct me if I’m wrong) is not insanely poisonous and detrimental to humans if consumed. That will make pretty much anything unique. If I were an edible seed pod from the orchid family, I would be rather unique, I must say.

So now I shall go into the myriad of vanillas that I cannot live without.

Edy’s Vanilla Bean Slow Churned ice cream: mmmmmmm one third less fat than their typical ice cream. Really for ice cream, vanilla bean is the way to go. Bryers does it really well, but the double churned stuff from Edy’s is the whip shit. Lots of taste followed by less fat. I can eat 3 times as much and feel only twice as guilty.

Wendy’s Vanilla Frosty: I have written about that all ready, and been quoted by media as well.

Penzy’s Double Strength Pure Vanilla Extract: You know how with most vanillas and with most baking recipes you have to double the amount of vanilla asked for? Not so with this stuff. It is incredible, just plain incredible. One should not bake confections without it.

Penzy’s Vanilla Sugar: This stuff kicks ass. When you are looking for a more subtle flavor palette for toast than cinnamon sugar, this is the way to go.

Cheesecake Factory Vanilla Bean Cheesecake: I really am not going to take the time to explain this one. Much like a joke, if you need to explain it, the person is not worthy of it.

In conclusion: mmmmmmmmmm vanilla

To recap
Orange rice tonight
Methinks Little Man will be happy about that
I am really digging this game over lunches
Because I am both a geek and a Star Wars geek
At the same time
I know it is shocking
Not much else to recap about
Maybe Monday will be a better recap day
Oh, in less than a week both Mimma and my dad have gotten knee surgeries
Small world
Little Man’s knees are doomed
Wifey has had surgery on her knee
I have one bad knee and one worse one
My brother has had 3 knee surgeries as well
Yep, by 2053, I think both of Little Man’s knees will have been replaced
Have a great weekend everyone

M to the D

I have to admit it. I have been hitting the sauce rather frequently these days, and I know I have a problem. I say I can quit at anytime, but I know that is a lie. I can take a break for a limited amount of time, but I am never truly out of its clutches. I know that no matter how long I have been “dry” I will eventually come back to its warm invigorating embrace.

I have been clean for months at a time, but like they say, you can’t allow just one drop. That one drop is like a snare and, I guess, in this analogy it makes me the rabbit? You don’t snare mink, do you? They are trapped instead of snared, right? I guess I would be like the rabbit, even though it would be softer smoother and silkier to be a mink. Yes, I know it would be stinkier, but I wouldn’t have minded, I would be the freaking mink. Well, not “The Freaking Mink,” that would be like me saying I was the Michael Jordan of minks, and no one would believe that, especially since I would have just been snared. The Michael Jordan of minks isn’t going to get snared. That would be just plain degrading. Now, the Cuba Gooding Jr. of minks could possibly get snared. That mink would have won an Oscar and then somehow degraded his box office clout enough to be doing Daddy Daycare 2 or some such crap. Although, now that I think of it, The Michael Jordan of Minks did make the mink version of Space Jam, that has to account for some level of snare-ability. This is so confusing.

Mink

Where was I? Oh yes, It wakes me in the morning, it keeps me going in the afternoon, and if I can’t help myself, it keeps me company when everyone else is sleeping at night. This companion of mine is both a boon and a burden. I love it and hate it. I crave it and want it far away. I don’t need it, yet I am addicted. I would cry for help, but the only one who would answer is what I am addicted to.

Mountain Dew, you are the cruelest of beverage mistresses. Unless one does Red Bull or some other one of those “Energy” drinks. Or coffee. That shit will kill you and stain your teeth. Then there is the whole spectrum of alcohol to think of. Now that you mention it, Mountain Dew ain’t so bad.

To recap:
Tomorrow is another letter out of the alphabet
I have H, S, V, Y, and Z left
I think I will remove the random label and start assigning dates to these letters
Tomorrow will be V
Not the horrid 80’s miniseries though, just the letter

Don't get me wrong, it kicked ass in the 80's, but it is painful to watch today
Any guesses as to the word I choose?
I have it picked out already
Little Man updated again, but I don’t think he took his camera today
It is hot out there today
Well, I have some work to get done

20 Questions Tuesday: 54 - The Future II

Here is the second installment of 20 Questions Tuesday concerning the future. I would say we were going “Back to the Furture,” but that would be hokey.

As I said previously (last week to be exact) I got an overwhelming response for this topic and therefore have had to thin the questions out mercilessly. This week thanks go to the Info Diva, Tree-Monkey, Dustin, Allrileyedup, Capt. McArmypants (Shout out to the troops in the ‘Stan! Holla Holla), Wifey, and JW.

On to the questions:

1. Will libraries cease to exist in the future?
Nope, I think there will always be an intrinsic need for people to physically hold a book and turn a page. Plus Historic records need to be kept somewhere.

2. Global warming = extinct polar bears. Your thoughts.
I think it is a shame, because I have never met a polar bear I didn’t like. Then again, I have never met a polar bear.

3. What movie-based futurist society would you want to live in?
Hmmm… While all the peace and stuff would be a bit boring, I think I would have to go with the Terra from Star Trek. Gotta love amenities.

4. In what year do you think actual stores will be eliminated and everyone buys everything over the internet, including groceries?
Much like I do not think that libraries will be eliminated, I do not think that stores will be gone either. I think stores and retail will start to be more destinations than merely chores though. Grocery stores will eventually need to start competing with more than just pricing.

5. When do you feel that offices will no longer exist and everyone will telecommute? I for one can’t wait until this day.
I think there is an absolute necessity for people to interact in person, so I do not see offices becoming a thing of the past. I do, however, see the work week becoming more fluid with the advent of telecommuting (which I think is a bad thing). By forcing people to come into an office, employers also tend to force themselves to minimize the amount of work done outside of that work week. Take away the barrier of being at the office, and you run the risk of removing the barrier that keeps most people not working when they are not in the office. Telecommuting is a double edged sword to say the least, especially in this results driven society.

6. Do you feel that “snail mail” will ever be eliminated? What will all the post men do?
Someone will need to deliver me the stuff I bought at Amazon.

7. Will the Portland Trail Blazers ever stop being the laughing stock of the NBA?
Only when the league expands with the new franchise the Louisville Laughing Stocks, but why would they choose that name? WHY?!?!?!

8. In the future, will I be able to Google search my dreams?
You already can, you already can.

9. Will Yetis and Hippos ever crossbreed making Yeppos or Hiptis?
If there is a God in heaven I hope the answer is a resounding, “NO!”

10. Do you believe that there are people who can accurately predict the future, like Nostradamus?
Short answer: Yes
Long Answer: I think that time, much like length and width can double back on itself and does not necessarily propogate linearly nor is this perception of propogation the same for each individual observer. Therefore I think that there arte people who are attuned to the moments in the time stream where time loops back on itself. If you read the quatrains that Nostradamus wrote (and I do not recommend that), it really is as if the future he could see was through watching the history channel on someone’s TV in the future. He doesn’t understand what he is seeing, and he is merely recounting the timeline that he saw on a best of History Channel show.

11. Which animal species do you expect will be the next to die out in the near future (say, under ten years)?
The hippo. I haven’t forgotten hippos. I have not forgotten at all.

12. Would you fly into outer space should the option become affordable to the every day layperson in the future?
If it were insanely affordable and as commonplace as air travel is today, sure, why not?

13. So accordind to Timbuk3 we should all be wearing shades by now. Were they viewing an even more distant future or where they Charlatans of the worst kind!
Charlatans, the lot of ‘em! Charlatans of the worst kind!

14. So which will destroy the earth/humanity? a) meteor b) nanotech c) apathy d) Supernova e) Won't be destroyed but humanity will be done in by one of the following way e1) AI type super robots e2) Space faring Neanderthals when they come back for their planet after deciding earth is as good as it gets. e3) Super virus e4) Zerg
Well, as stated in last weeks episode, the sun will eventually take us down, but that is not for many eons, so I suspect that you are more referring to humanity. A combination of B and C, favoring C.

15. Which movie template is closest to the totalitarian regime that will eventually take over the world and then the universe? 1) "Stargate (Movie)" type Totalitarian regime 2) "Star Wars" The Empire 3) The Borg from "Star Trek" 4) Ming the Merciless type monarchy 5) The Totalitarian regime in Serenity 6) Space Balls from Space Balls
6. One would be surprised how often ineptitude rises to the top...

16. Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? ........the future's not ours to see.
I will go out on a limb on this one. No and maybe.

17. My question refers to Futurama – what’s up with that show? Why did it never take off? It seems twisted but accessible enough? Please explain.
When Matt Groening made Futurama, the first season was all about character building and set-up. He lost most of the viewership by not locking them in at the beginning. The later seasons are flipping hilarious. I think people forget just how bad the Simpsons were when they started out on The Tracy Ullman Show. The animation was weak and the vignette stories really sucked, but they weren’t a happy go lucky cartoon family and that is why they worked. Furtrama needed 3 unencumbered seasons to try and make it, but by season 3 the viewers had left and FOX started the process of slowly killing it. Seeing how popular the show is on TNT and the Cartoon Network and whatever other cable channels it graces, I think FOX is now ruing the day. Ruing I say!

18. What will we be wearing in the future-say, 20 years from now? (Hopefully the cool silvery metallic shiny stuff they wore in sci-fi "b" movies... Or do you think it would be ok to wear it now?)
Even in the future, I think it will take a brave sole to put on the silvered spandex.

19. What will future archeaologists make of the world we live in today?
That most of humanity were unaware of how much they actually consumed.

20. When in the future will "Captain America" (U.S. Agent is my guess as to who bought it) return to us from the "dead"????
If/when Capt America comes back from the dead, it will be Steve Rogers coming back from the dead and not a revelation that it was US Agent who bought it. But Marvel has some time, they want to see where this story line takes them though. I am surprised that it has taken this long to kill Cap for a second time. When he comes back, bet you he will be much grittier.


To Recap:
When your boss’s boss strikes up a conversation whilst at the urinals, you are pretty much obliged to chit chat
Uncomfortably chit chat
At least she announced her hiatus… I’m looking at you Dustin!
Heat advisory today – heat index of 104°F
That’s 40°C for you metricists out there and 313.15K for you physicists
Wish I’d have known that before I went to exercise last night
It was not pretty
And by not pretty, I mean sweaty, stinky, and red-faced
And by it, I mean me
I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty when I got winded getting dressed to go work out
I was right
Not pretty at all
Little Man loves Men at Work
Unfortunately, he really enjoys their B-sides
REALLY enjoys their B-sides
And their live stuff

Monday Nothing

Nothing is happening here. Nothing at all. There is such a lack of stuff that one could easily say that the merest hint of something is not even possible with these vast vats of nothingness. There is enough nothing going on here to fill up 2 football stadiums with the icky sweet tang of nothinghood. If the amount of nothing I am encountering currently were a land-mass, it would be Asia. Now, my friends, that is a whole lot of nothing. More nothing than you could shake a stick at, that’s for damn sure.

So much nothing that I, honestly, am storing it everywhere because it can’t fit anywhere else. If this nothing were an atmospheric gas, it would equate to nitrogen… or carbon dioxide on Venus. That is a literal shit ton of nada. More like a metric shit ton the more I think about it. Can you even concept the amount of nothing that is? It is a whole lotta nothing that’s definitely true, but add to that nothing a bit of aught and a whole bunch of diddly-squat and you may start to approach the amount of lack my day is currently experiencing.

A VAST CONSPIRACY OF NOTHING I TELL YOU
If I had any more nothing going on here, I would have to assume that people were deliberately keeping something from me.


To Recap:
‘Kssk’ These are not the droids we're looking for.
He can go about his business.
‘Kssk’ You can go about your business.
Move along.
‘Kssk’ Move along. Move along.
I have to exercise tonight
It is not going to go well
I imagine I will be hurting pretty badly soon
By soon I mean by Little Man’s evening bath
Little Man has been slowing down on his picture taking
Tomorrow will be the end of the 20 Questions Tuesday in regards to the “Future”
So at least I will have something to post about tomorrow
Go on about your daily business
There is nothing to see here

Q: 17 of 26

So here we are in the 21st installment of the Random Alphabet of SRH. For the 21st trip into the historical alphabet we come to the much maligned and seldom seen by itself letter Q.

No, not that Q. Hey, Trekkers, Holla Holla!

Q is an odd letter (more odd than just being 17th out of 26) because it is almost a superfluous member of the alphabet. Usually the letter is followed immediately by the letter U. I am not sure as to the reasoning behind this unique letter symbiosis, so all the linguists out there who read this post, please educate me in the comments section. In all fairness, the letter could be replaced by “kw” in most instances without even increasing the letter count for the word.

Anyway, without further ado…

Q: Big Q, Little q, What begins with Q? The quick queen of Quincy and her quacking quackeroo.

Q?!?! I knew this day would come, and I had no idea what word I was going to choose. What did I do to remedy the situation? Did I randomly select a word in the dictionary? Did I look through a thesaurus at words I know describe me for “q” initialed synonyms? No, I called Wifey to see if she thought of any words that started with “Q.” Here is our conversation, and I misquote.

“’Questions’, you Dummyhead. You do 20 Questions Tuesday every week,” she opined
“But that’s tooo obvious,” I whined.
“How, about ‘Quick Witted?’”
“Too boastful,” I carped
“How about ‘Quirky?’” she inquired
“How would I write about that?” I lamented
“Okay, ‘Querulous,’ Jackass!” and she hung up.
“I am not” I groused to no one in particular.

So here I am, the word that Wifey feels describe me best is Querulous.

One of the big truths of my life is that fact that I am a whiner and a complainer. Don’t get me wrong. I will do things I don’t want to do, but, much to the chagrin of people around me, I will whine about it the whole time. I wish it were not the case, but, alas it is. I whine… a bunch… all the time… about everything.

What am I currently querulous about? My hip hurts, I don’t like scraping off dishes, my shoulder hurts, I need more pants, I need more shirts, the neighbors down the street are still dealing pot, Little Man wants to watch trains all the time, my neck hurts, I get headaches all the time, I am out of shape, I have a hard time coming up with blog topics, I am burnt out at work, I don’t get enough sleep, I could go on forever, well, because I am querulous.

To recap
Nobody likes a whiner
But, there are few things harder to put up with than a good example
I have a cover to create and 4 maps that need to be done by tomorrow
And, yet, here I am writing to the unseen masses
The Name of the Wind
Read it!
I command you, my minions! Read it!
And no, the name of the wind is not Mariah
That is just what it is called
Have a great weekend everyone

taboo

About 2 years ago I decided that in order to save myself from the potential of getting “Dooced” I would not write anything significant associated with my workplace or work other than generalities such as “it has been a busy week” or “deadlines are hard” or “I would rather be napping than mapping.” The same can be said for real events that take place in my private life that, for all intents and purposes, should remain private. You guys are not going to hear about intimate details of my life, because, well, those are private.

By eliminating these two vast sources of, well, to be honest, incredibly funny story fodder, it sometimes hamstrings my ability to come up with a meaningful and hopefully witty post. Really some funny stuff happens all the time in my life that would be perfect blog fodder, but it is topica non grata for the blogarooney and therefore taboo to talk about.

It is a real shame that some of these vignettes shall not be translated into blog form, because some of it is really good stuff. The problem comes in when private life stuff and/or work life stuff is what dominates SRH’s noggin. It is hard to come up with topics outside of the things filling my subconscious and waking thoughts. These non-topics are the equivalent of the proverbial elephants in the “living room” that I am trying dearly not to talk about.

So, please dear reader, please understand that sometimes when I “don’t have a topic,” I really have a killer topic that I am either un-willing or un-able to share. So, say one day you see yet another post about “nothing.” You can almost bet that someone at my work has done something dunderheadedly, or that some reasonably embarrassing event has taken place in my personal life that you just are not going to hear about. In those work related instances, think of some silly crap that has happened on The Office (or the original BBC version). On the times when it is from my personal life, you could most like feel free to point and laugh in my general direction without being too far off the mark.

To Recap:
“Not much is going on right now”
No really
Why won’t you believe me any more
I don’t understand why zombies are always looking for brains
Wouldn’t any part of the body really do?
I understand wholeheartedly why zombies would be on the search for Brian’s though
I mean what undead being wouldn’t want a bit of a Brian?
Not sure what dinner will be tonight
Prolly leftovers
That’s right, I wrote “prolly.”
Allergies are kicking my butt today
Of the two taboo topics for this blog, the piece that is swirling about in my brain right now is the former, rather than the latter
I couldn’t believe that the muggles set off the Mage Bomb in Diagon Alley on page 723 of the HPVII
I was not expecting that
Voldemort and Harry taken down by muggle technology, how sad
Oh wait, I didn’t spoil it for anyone, did I?