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I do not make a habit of hanging out in restrooms, but I have noticed something happen every time I have gone into the work restroom here at the hallowed halls of my company. Every time I am in the restroom, the automated air-freshener dispenses a blast of pungent anti-stink scent. Every. Single. Time. Now, I have varied the frequency and times that I employ the restroom’s facilities, but every time I go to pee, there is a blast of supposedly “freshness” directed my way. Every. Single. Time. That being said, I have not done a longitudinal double blind observational time series to determine the overall frequency and “schedule” of the automatic air freshener. It may be that the thing goes off every 5 minutes no matter what, and the time it takes to void the bladder and wash my hands just puts me within the 5 minute window every time. Excuse me, I meant to type Every. Single. Time.
I have mentioned this to other restroom users whilst they attempt to make polite conversation with me during the time that biological necessities are being performed, but I only get polite acknowledgement of the comment. Other polite work restroom topics such as “the weather,” “local sporting events,” and “would rather be home” seem to evoke a more boisterous response than “Man, that air freshener goes off every time I am in here. Wacky, huh?” It makes me wonder if I am one of the few people that it constantly tries to “freshen.”
To my knowledge, I do not stink, and I should know, I live with a woman who has no compunction telling me that I “stink like ass” or that I am “tangy… in a bad way.” She has on multiple occasions asked, “So, you ARE going to shower this morning, right?” I know full well that it is not a question, but that is beside the point. The point is that my work restroom seems to think that I need freshening. Every. Single. Time. I cannot constantly stink. (author’s note: I understand that I am opening myself to co-worker/friend/family ridicule here, and I am sure my comments will reflect many a person telling me that I stink. That is a chance I am willing to take.)
I bathe too often to be perpetually malodorous. My diet is typical enough that I should not be emanating a bizarre odor do to spices and such. Frankly I am at a loss.
To recap:
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
I am sure it will be good though
I need to sleep more
A lot more sleep
To my knowledge, I do not stink
My knowledge really is rather limited
My knowledge, however, is not rather The Limited
I am sure that many a commenter will let me know that I do, in fact, stink
Have a great weekend
I have mentioned this to other restroom users whilst they attempt to make polite conversation with me during the time that biological necessities are being performed, but I only get polite acknowledgement of the comment. Other polite work restroom topics such as “the weather,” “local sporting events,” and “would rather be home” seem to evoke a more boisterous response than “Man, that air freshener goes off every time I am in here. Wacky, huh?” It makes me wonder if I am one of the few people that it constantly tries to “freshen.”
To my knowledge, I do not stink, and I should know, I live with a woman who has no compunction telling me that I “stink like ass” or that I am “tangy… in a bad way.” She has on multiple occasions asked, “So, you ARE going to shower this morning, right?” I know full well that it is not a question, but that is beside the point. The point is that my work restroom seems to think that I need freshening. Every. Single. Time. I cannot constantly stink. (author’s note: I understand that I am opening myself to co-worker/friend/family ridicule here, and I am sure my comments will reflect many a person telling me that I stink. That is a chance I am willing to take.)
I bathe too often to be perpetually malodorous. My diet is typical enough that I should not be emanating a bizarre odor do to spices and such. Frankly I am at a loss.
To recap:
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
I am sure it will be good though
I need to sleep more
A lot more sleep
To my knowledge, I do not stink
My knowledge really is rather limited
My knowledge, however, is not rather The Limited
I am sure that many a commenter will let me know that I do, in fact, stink
Have a great weekend
Labels: bathroom, mad ramblings
6 Comments:
The air freshener thingy actually goes "ahhhh - freshness" when I walk in. You must stink. Every. Single. Time.
Anon:
Wow, 20 minutes. I thought I had at least an hour before the "Stinky McStinkerstein" comments would start hitting.
zingerzapper:
Let me clarify. I do not initiate the conversations. I just figure that if I have to talk to someone, I should at least ask something I want to know.
Stinky McStinkerstein. Smelly McOdiferous. Tangy McReeker. Fetid McStench.
So, yeah, that was fun. Thanks for the opportunity!
Are you sure that this is not just the Freshner's "tisk" of disapproval? I can not help but notice that as I get older I feel more and more "supposedly" inanimate objects judging me? Like the other day my monitor was judgin' me. It was like all "you have been staring at me for 5 hours! Don't you have work to do?" And I was like all "HEY!!! You been staring at me too smarty pants!" Then I hit the degauss button." That aught to teach'm.
Stop Judgin' Me,
Anon
Wifey:
My favs are "Smelly McOdiferous" and "Fetid McStench" Although I think you could have modified Smelly McOdiferous to Smelly O'Diferous.
Anon:
I am sooo not judging you. I am as far from judging you as I can be.
Allrileyedup:
Wow, that last comment was a complete nut. Crazy as a loon.
The yeti does not have the manual dexterity to program delicate mechanisms. His keyboard is gigantic and he still mis-types things with his numb, dull, fat, non-nimble fingers.
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