EKG or no EKG

Little Man’s EKG was this morning, or was supposed to be. More on the “supposed to be” later.

Firstly, I will not make anyone endure reading the whole post before they know whether or not Little Man was given a clean bill of health. He was is fine. The cardiologist said that there was a “buzzing” in his collarbone area and a “whirring” in his heart (his terms, not mine. I can’t make up medical terms like “buzzing” and “whirring.”), and that these are typical sounds most kids’ bodies make. It is just that Little Man is so “skinny” (again, his term, not mine) that there is a certain lack of tissue (that most kids have) to muffle the noise.

Okay, now that the paragraph about Little Man’s health is over, let’s talk about the visit.

So we get into the parking garage of Children’s Hospital in Columbus and start winding our way up to find a parking place. On the way up we had to deal with people who really had difficulty parking in confined spaces. This did not help the general stress level in the car, but Wifey and I recognized that we were showing how stressed we were and Little Man was soaking up the stress like a… ummm… stress sponge.

Anyway… we get into the office and start filling out paperwork. We had to use the back of the page when they asked us to list all medications. You know you have to give your kid too much medicine when at a specialist like a cardiologists office you have to use extra lines on their paperwork to describe you child’s drug regime. All that being said, it was really sad to see so many children there with circulation issues. Real, honest to goodness circulation issues. They were pale, eyes sunken in, out of breath just sitting there. It was bizarre seeing Little Man full of color, vim, and vigor in contrast to these kids with real issues. After completing the paperwork, and Little Man making a “Dirty Poop” it was our turn to go in to the Dr’s office.

So how did the office visit go? Welll…

Pure torture. Pure unabashed torture. Little Man is not big on the whole going to the doctor thing. In fact, I would go so far as to say that he hates it. Hates doctor’s offices with the fire of 1000 suns, especially if said doctor’s offices reside within the main campus of Children’s Hospital where Little Man has endured much and too often. He was traumatized by the scale, and by getting his height measured. Them he was traumatized by the blood pressure cuff (sphygmomanometer?) and the stethoscope. Then, after these traumas, the nurse, who was very personable and oddly not good with kids, tried to put a blood pressure cuff on Little Man’s leg. He was having none of it. The nurse stated “I can’t get a good read on this, because I can’t hear a thing!” Hey, Lady! Kid’s can feel shame! It is not his fault he is terrified by being in the Dr’s office. Cut him some slack! Where was I? Oh, yes, so after not being able to sit still for the leg blood pressure test, Little Man travels across the hall to get his EKG.

For this EKG they only needed 10 seconds of still clam behavior. In the EKG room Finding Nemo was on, piece of cake, Little Man loves Fishy! Well, Little Man loves Fishy when he is not having EKG pick-ups stuck to his torso and legs. We fought him for about a minute trying to get him not to pull off the pick-ups, but gave up on the whole EKG thing when he was reduced to a quivering mess of too stressed out readings. So his EKG was scheduled for today, but it did not happen. It tried to happen, but….

To Recap:
Cardiologist appointment was interesting
Little Man was arching his whole body like we were sticking him with a hot poker
I have to call software vendors today
I hate calling software vendors
Wifey and I are exhausted
Little Man is exhausted
The EKG was a diagnostic tool they couldn’t use in this case
Little Man’s heart murmur is exacerbated by stressful situations
I think getting checked for a heart murmur qualifies as a stressful situation
Pork Chops and Couscous for dinner tonight
The Dr was great with Little Man
The Columbus Crew sucks