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Whoever said that fresh air and exercise will help kids sleep, was full of horse shit. Yes, horse shit! The green soft hay looking crap that issues forth from a horse’s ass, or horses’ asses, as it were. The correction from singular to plural is to indicate that there is not one single primal horse diety that generates all the horse shit in the world. It is, in truth, a product of all horse everywhere. Plural versus of possessives are always tricky.
Anyway… we ran the boy ragged yesterday. He was dead on his feet. Swaying back and forth with his eyes nearly closed, blinking heavily. He still fought sleep during the bed-time ritual like a cornered tiger. --- TANGENT ALERT--- TANGENT ALERT--- THIS POST IS JUST ABOUT TO GO ON A TANGENT--- Funny thing about cornered tigers. When Wifey and I went on our honeymoon to the massive amounts of free entertainment that one can find in Washington DC we had the occasion to go to the National Zoo. I think that is what it is called. I guess with utmost clarity it is officially the Smithsonian National Zoological Park. Anyway… we were walking by the tiger enclosure when one of the tigers in there started pacing back and forth while staring at just the 2 of us. It was looking at us like we were intended to be its next victim. For a moment I felt a bit like prey. The reason that this pacing back and forth was unnerving is that most apex predators choose the sickly and elderly as their intended food. It had chosen Wifey and I as potential vittles. Although, technically speaking vittles require a 3 toothed 70 year old cowboy called cookie to prepare. Did the tiger know something that we didn’t? If so, what? Why won’t the tiger tell us what is wrong? Why?!?! ---BACKTO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST---
For the love of God and all that is holy, Little Man ran about ½ mile when we went hiking in the morning. In the afternoon we went over to some of Wifey’s friends’ house so he could play with their kids. One of the women there described their backyard as “a carnival.” I surmised by this lesbian couple’s level of social activism and number of kids under the age of 5 (there were 3 already there, not counting Little Man) that this “carnival” was more of the fun, party kind of atmosphere than the drunken debauchery known as “Carnival.” Anyway… for about 2 hours Little Man was running around sliding down slides (there were 3 to choose from, a “carnival” it truly was), swinging, playing in a sand box, playing with a water table, jumping in an inflatable bouncy pen thingy known to this family and their 4 year old girl affectionately as “the bounce house,” etc… In total it was 2 whole hours of non-stop movement outside that was preceded by about 45 minutes of hiking that can only be characterized as intermittent sprinting.
So I ask you, loyal readers, did Little Man go quietly into his slumbering repose? Hell No! Wifey and I are getting tranq darts made this up-coming weekend. He will sleep…. Oh, yes he will. I didn’t get this blow gun for nothing.
To Recap
The afternoon was odd, Little Man and I were outnumbered 3 to 1 female to male
Honestly, does a hippo killer really look like tiger bait?
Last night there was one clap of thunder that was so loud it actually shook my bones
I haven't heard any thunder like that without the power going off
I don't get it... I pray for sleep, and Little Man fights it
I wish more restaurants posted allergen information
It would make it much easier to go out to eat with Little Man
I have to get to the gym tomorrow morning
Anyway… we ran the boy ragged yesterday. He was dead on his feet. Swaying back and forth with his eyes nearly closed, blinking heavily. He still fought sleep during the bed-time ritual like a cornered tiger. --- TANGENT ALERT--- TANGENT ALERT--- THIS POST IS JUST ABOUT TO GO ON A TANGENT--- Funny thing about cornered tigers. When Wifey and I went on our honeymoon to the massive amounts of free entertainment that one can find in Washington DC we had the occasion to go to the National Zoo. I think that is what it is called. I guess with utmost clarity it is officially the Smithsonian National Zoological Park. Anyway… we were walking by the tiger enclosure when one of the tigers in there started pacing back and forth while staring at just the 2 of us. It was looking at us like we were intended to be its next victim. For a moment I felt a bit like prey. The reason that this pacing back and forth was unnerving is that most apex predators choose the sickly and elderly as their intended food. It had chosen Wifey and I as potential vittles. Although, technically speaking vittles require a 3 toothed 70 year old cowboy called cookie to prepare. Did the tiger know something that we didn’t? If so, what? Why won’t the tiger tell us what is wrong? Why?!?! ---BACKTO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST---
For the love of God and all that is holy, Little Man ran about ½ mile when we went hiking in the morning. In the afternoon we went over to some of Wifey’s friends’ house so he could play with their kids. One of the women there described their backyard as “a carnival.” I surmised by this lesbian couple’s level of social activism and number of kids under the age of 5 (there were 3 already there, not counting Little Man) that this “carnival” was more of the fun, party kind of atmosphere than the drunken debauchery known as “Carnival.” Anyway… for about 2 hours Little Man was running around sliding down slides (there were 3 to choose from, a “carnival” it truly was), swinging, playing in a sand box, playing with a water table, jumping in an inflatable bouncy pen thingy known to this family and their 4 year old girl affectionately as “the bounce house,” etc… In total it was 2 whole hours of non-stop movement outside that was preceded by about 45 minutes of hiking that can only be characterized as intermittent sprinting.
So I ask you, loyal readers, did Little Man go quietly into his slumbering repose? Hell No! Wifey and I are getting tranq darts made this up-coming weekend. He will sleep…. Oh, yes he will. I didn’t get this blow gun for nothing.
To Recap
The afternoon was odd, Little Man and I were outnumbered 3 to 1 female to male
Honestly, does a hippo killer really look like tiger bait?
Last night there was one clap of thunder that was so loud it actually shook my bones
I haven't heard any thunder like that without the power going off
I don't get it... I pray for sleep, and Little Man fights it
I wish more restaurants posted allergen information
It would make it much easier to go out to eat with Little Man
I have to get to the gym tomorrow morning
4 Comments:
Can you really call yourself a hippo killer since you've never killed one? In fact, all you've ever done is issue whiny ranting threats against the whole species, again and again, ad naseum. Hippos laugh.
"Carnival" definitely had a seedier connotation in my day. I think that had a lot to do with the carnies.
mom:
Just because I am stuck on the wrong continent, doesn't mean I am not the bane of all hippokind
lsig:
Yeah, carnies are scary, scary people.
My son was alot like Lil Man growing up. His sleep patterns were always disrupted to the point I never thought we'd even get 6 hours of good sleep. I'd run him ragged, but by the end of the night it was me ready to drop and him taking a power 20 min nap where he would wake completely refreshed and ready for round 2. Once we got his allergies under control and was diagnosed with asthma - his medicine kicked in and we finally got restful sleep.
He is now almost 14 and today we went to the doctor with issues of allergies, asthma, and sleep. Luckily for us he can safely take a benadryl sleep aid before bedtime to help. He will still toss and turn for 3 hours...fortunately he's older and find ways of passing time-ninetendo ds..etc...to help.
I'd like to say maybe he'll start to outgrow it ..I think that my son was about 6 or 7 when a full nights sleep was had by all. Hopefully you'll find something..if not...do what the rest of us did to get by-nyquil.
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