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An open letter to the sick, lazy, fuck who wipes his nasty-ass nose nuggets on the bathroom stall walls:
Dear Sir,
I realize the discomfort that the dried mucous membrane in one’s nostrils can cause, for I too have had dried snot in my nasal passages. In fact, it is highly probable that I do produce more “boogers” than the average human of my age. Sometimes the lodged nasal mucous requires the finger digging method of removal. I am human, I understand this necessity. The prodigious amounts of smeared snot on the walls indicate that this method of removal seems to be your “method of choice,” and potentially, your only method. Whatever, you are in a men’s room, there are infinitely more disgusting this that occur within those confines, pick away! I, sir, however, have found it ways to get rid of my nasal discharge in a more sanitary and polite manner than smearing the rhinal residue on the cement block wall on the bathroom stall.
The stalls of our upstairs bathroom are too narrow for those of us who are not of a minor size maneuver without great care. While I do not consider myself to be of gargantuan proportions, I am larger than the average male in our office, and thusly find the bathroom stalls to be a bit lacking in space. This lack of space sometimes causes wall brushing with my shoulders, and every male that I have spoken to within the office wish that we did not have to worry about brushing up against your nose bullets.
For the love of God and all that is holy! You are sitting next to the perfect fucking substitute for tissues and on top of a god-damned fucking waste receptacle! How fucking lazy are you?!?! For Christ’s sake, you cranially challenged knuckle-dragger, wipe you God-Damned snotty fingers off with some toilet paper and flush that disgusting nasal discharge down the damn toilet with your shit! Sweet mother of Jesus, where in the Hell did you grow up where you felt that wiping snot on the walls was okay? What kind of adult are you, you disgusting bastard?!?! Walls are meant for paint, not your snot. Well, sometimes a tasteful wall paper is okay, but definitely not your nasal residue. How fucking disgustingly lazy are you?!!? You make me sick to my stomach, and I have a pretty good tolerance for bad habits.
About once every 3 months, the custodial staff has to scrape off the walls in that stall, and within a week they are covered again with your snot. Good Lord! Why do you think it is okay for the other people in your office to have to contend on a daily basis with your disgusting habit?
Sincerely,
SRH
To Recap:
Still have not sold the house
Little man is talking more, admit is de-Welshifying
Use the damn toilet paper and flush that stuff, you sick freak!
Dear Sir,
I realize the discomfort that the dried mucous membrane in one’s nostrils can cause, for I too have had dried snot in my nasal passages. In fact, it is highly probable that I do produce more “boogers” than the average human of my age. Sometimes the lodged nasal mucous requires the finger digging method of removal. I am human, I understand this necessity. The prodigious amounts of smeared snot on the walls indicate that this method of removal seems to be your “method of choice,” and potentially, your only method. Whatever, you are in a men’s room, there are infinitely more disgusting this that occur within those confines, pick away! I, sir, however, have found it ways to get rid of my nasal discharge in a more sanitary and polite manner than smearing the rhinal residue on the cement block wall on the bathroom stall.
The stalls of our upstairs bathroom are too narrow for those of us who are not of a minor size maneuver without great care. While I do not consider myself to be of gargantuan proportions, I am larger than the average male in our office, and thusly find the bathroom stalls to be a bit lacking in space. This lack of space sometimes causes wall brushing with my shoulders, and every male that I have spoken to within the office wish that we did not have to worry about brushing up against your nose bullets.
For the love of God and all that is holy! You are sitting next to the perfect fucking substitute for tissues and on top of a god-damned fucking waste receptacle! How fucking lazy are you?!?! For Christ’s sake, you cranially challenged knuckle-dragger, wipe you God-Damned snotty fingers off with some toilet paper and flush that disgusting nasal discharge down the damn toilet with your shit! Sweet mother of Jesus, where in the Hell did you grow up where you felt that wiping snot on the walls was okay? What kind of adult are you, you disgusting bastard?!?! Walls are meant for paint, not your snot. Well, sometimes a tasteful wall paper is okay, but definitely not your nasal residue. How fucking disgustingly lazy are you?!!? You make me sick to my stomach, and I have a pretty good tolerance for bad habits.
About once every 3 months, the custodial staff has to scrape off the walls in that stall, and within a week they are covered again with your snot. Good Lord! Why do you think it is okay for the other people in your office to have to contend on a daily basis with your disgusting habit?
Sincerely,
SRH
To Recap:
Still have not sold the house
Little man is talking more, admit is de-Welshifying
Use the damn toilet paper and flush that stuff, you sick freak!
4 Comments:
This must be the same sick man from my former workplace who used to leave behind a 4-layer-thick condom of toilet paper over the toilet seat, which I'm guessing was to apparently remove any possibility of remote communication between his sweaty hairy butt cheeks and the thousands of sweaty hairy butt cheeks before him. Meanwhile, he always left behind a massive trophy for all to enjoy.
'Makes me kind of appreciate those who display their individuality with nose rings and blue hair a whole lot more.
Faces will Melt otherwise!!!
OH MY GOODNESS--I couldn't read the last paragraph clearly because my eyes have welled up with tears from laughter...I'll come back later...I hope this comment is spelled correctly...
BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!
That is, indeed, the correct spelling of "BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!"
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