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Nothing makes one feel better about oneself than surrounding onself with people worse off than oneself.
For example… This past weekend in Columbus, Ohio was the Origins gaming convention. Now by gaming convention I mean role playing game convention. Origins is one of the largest gaming conventions in the US and it happens in this little burg every year. As a disclaimer I feel it necessary to disclose my level of nerdom… I am an avid fan of Dungeons and Dragons, in fact, I have been playing that pen and paper RPG for over 23 years now. I remember TSR’s first edition rules. The D&D cartoon was a mainstay in my childhood even though they should have given all of their magic equipment to one person and just let that person take over the world. My Role Playing Game Association card number starts with a 5 (that is all of the number you will get, ID thieves are everywhere). I collected comic books for over 15 years. I have action figures on one of my shelves at work. I used to paint lead miniatures before the resin minis even existed. I love dioramas, computer and physical models. DAMN you Discovery Channel! Why have you forsaken me!?!?!
For those of you unfamiliar with the Gaming crowd, you know them, you have met them, you have most likely depended on them for many a technical thing, and just did not realize that they are, in fact, gamers. In high school they were the chess team, academic team, math team, Science Olympiad, AV club. In the professional world, they are your IT department. Which leads me to this…
Amongst the convention goers, I am a deity. I am a godlike being who is incredibly in-shape and amazingly well-tanned. But my amazingness does not end there…. oh no, I am also insanely rich, incredibly socially adept, and insanely handsome. Have I mentioned how successful and tan I am?
Here is my list of positives versus the primary convention attendee, as well as the equivalent bonuses that they give me.
No longer living with my parents. (Wisdom +1, Constitution +1)
Have a career not in IT. (Charisma +1)
Married (Charisma +1)
with child {means that I have actually engaged win sexual congress with someone else} (Charisma +1)
Significant other is not a gamer (Charisma +1, Wisdom +1)
Can see my feet while standing up (Strength +1, Charisma +1, Constitution +1)
Skin not the color of ivory due to lack of exposure to sunlight (Constitution + 1)
Now, let’s be clear, these bonuses only apply in the gaming convention environment. Outside the hallowed halls of a gaming event, I get a whole bunch of negative modifiers, but that is the topic for another blog. Now do not get me wrong, I am still a geek/nerd/dork. That has not changed, but I am relatively less geeky/nerdy/dorky than the typical gamer at this convention. It is all relative baby! I am the coolest of all my friends!!!!!
So to recap:
Origins is a place where I feel powerful and better than people.
Shout out to the Wednesday Arby’s Crew
Little man is not a fan of the fireworks
Charisma +5, Baby!
I am the coolest of all my friends!
For example… This past weekend in Columbus, Ohio was the Origins gaming convention. Now by gaming convention I mean role playing game convention. Origins is one of the largest gaming conventions in the US and it happens in this little burg every year. As a disclaimer I feel it necessary to disclose my level of nerdom… I am an avid fan of Dungeons and Dragons, in fact, I have been playing that pen and paper RPG for over 23 years now. I remember TSR’s first edition rules. The D&D cartoon was a mainstay in my childhood even though they should have given all of their magic equipment to one person and just let that person take over the world. My Role Playing Game Association card number starts with a 5 (that is all of the number you will get, ID thieves are everywhere). I collected comic books for over 15 years. I have action figures on one of my shelves at work. I used to paint lead miniatures before the resin minis even existed. I love dioramas, computer and physical models. DAMN you Discovery Channel! Why have you forsaken me!?!?!
For those of you unfamiliar with the Gaming crowd, you know them, you have met them, you have most likely depended on them for many a technical thing, and just did not realize that they are, in fact, gamers. In high school they were the chess team, academic team, math team, Science Olympiad, AV club. In the professional world, they are your IT department. Which leads me to this…
Amongst the convention goers, I am a deity. I am a godlike being who is incredibly in-shape and amazingly well-tanned. But my amazingness does not end there…. oh no, I am also insanely rich, incredibly socially adept, and insanely handsome. Have I mentioned how successful and tan I am?
Here is my list of positives versus the primary convention attendee, as well as the equivalent bonuses that they give me.
No longer living with my parents. (Wisdom +1, Constitution +1)
Have a career not in IT. (Charisma +1)
Married (Charisma +1)
with child {means that I have actually engaged win sexual congress with someone else} (Charisma +1)
Significant other is not a gamer (Charisma +1, Wisdom +1)
Can see my feet while standing up (Strength +1, Charisma +1, Constitution +1)
Skin not the color of ivory due to lack of exposure to sunlight (Constitution + 1)
Now, let’s be clear, these bonuses only apply in the gaming convention environment. Outside the hallowed halls of a gaming event, I get a whole bunch of negative modifiers, but that is the topic for another blog. Now do not get me wrong, I am still a geek/nerd/dork. That has not changed, but I am relatively less geeky/nerdy/dorky than the typical gamer at this convention. It is all relative baby! I am the coolest of all my friends!!!!!
So to recap:
Origins is a place where I feel powerful and better than people.
Shout out to the Wednesday Arby’s Crew
Little man is not a fan of the fireworks
Charisma +5, Baby!
I am the coolest of all my friends!
2 Comments:
ROTFLMAO!!!!
I knew there was a reason I liked your blog so much! Were we perhaps twins, separated at birth? That is just too damn funny.
I think you're undersetimating your scores though - I think actually having had sex is worth at least (+2) on your Charisma and you forgot that being able to see your toes gives you a +10 to your exceptional Strength modifier. (You get an automatic 18/00 if you can actually bend over and touch them!)
Later!
As a fellow nerd/dork/geek who also doesn't quite fit in with the gaming crowd, I must retort that I have all the same modifiers as the blogger (with two little ones, I've had relations at least twice!) . Now of course, my career is accounting, so I'm gonna let this slide :)
-Dave...
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