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Okay, 3 things to cover today. The first 2 have to do with my youngun, and the second 2 have to do with bathrooms. Ooh, notice the transitional overlap. So without further ado....
Number 1: My little boy has some just pain odd behaviors. One of which he exhibited for the first time last night. We were getting ready for the bed-time ritual when we noticed the big man over by our loveseat in the living room. He was mouthing the loveseat, but since it is covered in gen-u-wine pleather, we figured, what harm could come. Well, less than a minute later my boy is chewing on a piece of gen-u-wine Corinthian pleather. So, this behavior had to come to an end, so I told the little one in not too harsh tones something to the effect of, "Sweety, you can't chew on the sofa. It is not safe for little guys like yourself, and it will hurt the sofa." You could have sworn that I broke the kid's heart. He just started screwing up his face and getting a bit teary eyed, and then the waterworks really started. He was bawling. He really wanted.... nay, needed to chew on the sofa, and big ole mean papa was keeping him from it. To make a long drawn out boring story short and trite, the big man has entered the tantrum period.
Number 2: Men's restrooms are disgusting. My wife sometimes wonders why I ask her to take the boy to the women's restroom to change his diaper. She has never really been in a men's public restroom. She has toured the facilities at my work. She has been in the bathrooms of some of my bachelor friends. Rarely, if ever, has she gone into the very pit of Hell known as the men's public restroom. Ladies, they are absolutely disgusting. For example... I have only been in a few women's restrooms, ever, but the few that I have been into typically do not smell like ass. Generic Men's Restroom A will typically smell like ass.... constantly. I will not go into more details, but just know, if your husband/partner/boyfriend/baby's daddy asks you to change the little one when you are out in public, it is not necessarily that they are un-willing to change a diaper. It might be that they are concerned for the well-being of their offspring. That being said... I realize that offspring preservation may not always be the reasoning, but for me, it usually is. I have no trouble changing a diaper in at home, in the office, or at a family restroom in the mall, but I will under very few circumstances changes the little one's shorts in the cesspool known as a men's public bathroom.
Number 3: I know we have one here at our work, but I am not sure if this exists everywhere. There is one man here that if you are in the restroom we he enters, you need to finish whatever you are doing in 10 seconds or suffer the consequences. And the consequences are dire. The words "explosive," "malodorous," and "disgusting" do not do the man's cacophonous rectal symphony justice. It is a bowel driven train wreck. It is a "Shock and Awe Campaign" of sounds and aromas to assault your senses. Sometimes I do not think he could possibly have "dropped trau" fast enough, because many times the stall door closes and the horror immediately begins. He, and pretty much he alone, keeps our men's restroom consistently smelling like ass.
Bathroom humor, it is always best to end on bathroom humor.
Number 1: My little boy has some just pain odd behaviors. One of which he exhibited for the first time last night. We were getting ready for the bed-time ritual when we noticed the big man over by our loveseat in the living room. He was mouthing the loveseat, but since it is covered in gen-u-wine pleather, we figured, what harm could come. Well, less than a minute later my boy is chewing on a piece of gen-u-wine Corinthian pleather. So, this behavior had to come to an end, so I told the little one in not too harsh tones something to the effect of, "Sweety, you can't chew on the sofa. It is not safe for little guys like yourself, and it will hurt the sofa." You could have sworn that I broke the kid's heart. He just started screwing up his face and getting a bit teary eyed, and then the waterworks really started. He was bawling. He really wanted.... nay, needed to chew on the sofa, and big ole mean papa was keeping him from it. To make a long drawn out boring story short and trite, the big man has entered the tantrum period.
Number 2: Men's restrooms are disgusting. My wife sometimes wonders why I ask her to take the boy to the women's restroom to change his diaper. She has never really been in a men's public restroom. She has toured the facilities at my work. She has been in the bathrooms of some of my bachelor friends. Rarely, if ever, has she gone into the very pit of Hell known as the men's public restroom. Ladies, they are absolutely disgusting. For example... I have only been in a few women's restrooms, ever, but the few that I have been into typically do not smell like ass. Generic Men's Restroom A will typically smell like ass.... constantly. I will not go into more details, but just know, if your husband/partner/boyfriend/baby's daddy asks you to change the little one when you are out in public, it is not necessarily that they are un-willing to change a diaper. It might be that they are concerned for the well-being of their offspring. That being said... I realize that offspring preservation may not always be the reasoning, but for me, it usually is. I have no trouble changing a diaper in at home, in the office, or at a family restroom in the mall, but I will under very few circumstances changes the little one's shorts in the cesspool known as a men's public bathroom.
Number 3: I know we have one here at our work, but I am not sure if this exists everywhere. There is one man here that if you are in the restroom we he enters, you need to finish whatever you are doing in 10 seconds or suffer the consequences. And the consequences are dire. The words "explosive," "malodorous," and "disgusting" do not do the man's cacophonous rectal symphony justice. It is a bowel driven train wreck. It is a "Shock and Awe Campaign" of sounds and aromas to assault your senses. Sometimes I do not think he could possibly have "dropped trau" fast enough, because many times the stall door closes and the horror immediately begins. He, and pretty much he alone, keeps our men's restroom consistently smelling like ass.
Bathroom humor, it is always best to end on bathroom humor.
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