A boot on your head

Lately, there just have not been the "opportunities" to spout out tons of vitriolic prose due to a single occurrence. In other words, there have not been any singular specific incidents for me to blog about with tons of caustic remarks. The stuff that has been going on lately is more of the moderate systemic stuff that just grinds on one until they are a weeping puddle of melted Jell-o brand pudding pops. Unfortunately for you reader folk, that does not make for the most interesting of blog entries. I am sure you were all touched and awed by the "Silly things I do not like" but that post lacked a certain bit of magic in it, a certain "je ne sais quoi." Please do not mistake this as complaining on my part. I am rather happy that nothing particularly untoward has occurred that has been directed at me or those around me. It makes for a much more pleasant existence, but it also make it a bit difficult to write sarcasm. This, of course, leads me into today's entry...

Nothing in the world says "Do not touch," "Does not play well with others," or "Bat-shit crazy" like someone wearing a boot on their head. If you see someone who has footwear atop their skull, give them a wide berth, for they are indeed bat-shit crazy. I am sure you are saying to yourselves, "I am of above average intelligence, I know things, I do not think that someone wearing a boot on their head is the strongest indicator of someone's break with reality." Well let me make my case for you.

Firstly, 75% of Americans think they are "above average intelligence," so we cannot all be correct in that assumption, you pompous jerks. Personally, I would be happy if I am above median intelligence. There are some nasty statistical outliers pulling the "average" IQ to a rather low number. For example, someone wearing a boot on their head will pull the average IQ down more than a newly minted PhD physicist can bring it up. In truth, someone with a boot on their head will actually draw people's IQ's down as they get closer to the boot-headed individual. This decrease of IQ in proximity to someone with footwear on their noggin is due to the increasing puzzlement of why someone has a boot on their head. The progression looks something like...

1. Just catches sight of the boot headed individual. "Does that guy have a boot on his head?"
2. Confirms that the person indeed has a boot on their head. "Oh my gosh, that guy really has a boot on his head."
3. Puzzlement. "Why on earth would he choose to wear a boot on his head?"
4. Study. "Is that a new boot or an old one? How is it staying on that man's head? Does it shade his eyes like a hat?..." etc...
5. Obsession. "If I got a boot, could I figure out how to wear it on my head? Do I tie the shoelaces around my chin to hold it in place..." etc...
6. Trial and error. A new person is now wearing a boot on their head.

...and point 6 brings me to my second point, so without further ado...

Secondly, one does not simply place a boot on one's head and have it stay there. One must figure out how to affix the footwear to one's head, indicating forethought and dementia. The boot must be big enough to fit on one's head. So a search must be conducted to find footwear to fill that bill. There has to be a cause to wear a boot on one's head as well. A boot instead of, say, a tin-foil hat that keeps the government's controlling rays out. In short there is trial and error associated with wearing a boot on one's head. I have yet to see any behavior that indicates "Do not touch," "Does not play well with others," or "Bat-shit crazy" better than the person wearing a boot on their head.

In summary... Boot on the head = bat-shit crazy