Digital Thursday

Okay here we go. I do not traditionally do any desktop wallpapers, but since Little Man loves the Aquabats! So much and since I am taking quite the shine to them as well, I figured what the heck.

Two versions. First up is “Charge!”


And secondly we have “The Group Shot!”
To Recap:
It is nice to find bands that don’t take themselves too seriously
I feel like such a 7th grader doodling band pics on my Trapper Keeper
Kitchen is completely operable
Now we just have to figure out something good for dinners
This week has just been weak for digital stuff from me
Ack! I am so embarrassed
That being said, if anyone wants versions of these that are formatted for their screen, just email me
The email is in my profile
Have a great weekend everyone

Breathe

Nothing to post about today, so here we go with another writing exercise. This one is “write about combat in first person.”


Just concentrate on breathing. Breath is life. Feint. Life is breath. Parry. The flurry of activity around me is blinding, I just focus all my thoughts on the breath. Thrust. Instinct saves me. Kill. Instinct driven by countless hours of training. Parry. Spin. Instinct honed in countless melees. Pivot. Thrust. Another kill. Breathe in. Three more. Breathe out. Concentrate on the breath. Dodge. Breath is life. Lunge. Life is breath. Kick. Breathe. I am alive. I am breathing. My sword drags across one of them. I dodge the other’s lunge. Three down. Breathe in. Breathe out. They have no choice, but to attack. Breathe. I have no choice, but to kill. I make it swift. Not deep and slow like my breathing.

One more. The dance slows, but I keep my breathing steady. His breath is ragged and heavy. Breathe in. Action. Reaction. Instinct. Time slows more. Feint. Breathe out. Parry. Focus on the breathing. His breath is irrelevant. Breathe in. Move. Breathe out. Advance. Lunge. Breathe in. Retreat. Breath is life. Life is breath. Parry. Spin. Time slows even more. I see his blade. I breathe in as the blade passes. Parry. I breathe out as I move it out of the way. I slow down my breathing more. I slow down time even more. I lunge. I thrust. I parry. I breathe. He lunges. I hit. I kick. I thrust. I breathe. He doesn’t. Time speeds back up to normal, and I take a deep breath.



Meh, I am not sure if I like it, but it is only an exercise.

To recap:
I miss my constant caffeine high
Should be able to use the sink tonight
I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning
I haven’t been flossing much
Oh well
Not sure what is on tap for tomorrow’s Digital Thursday

20 Questions Tuesday: 81 - Laziness

Today’s topic is one that is near and dear to my heart. Today’s topic for 20 Questions Tuesday is Laziness. I have been lazy for more years than I have been alive. “How is that possible” you ask? Well, when you are as good at being lazy as I am, it is like 2 lazy people accomplishing nothing. I am so efficient at being lazy it stuns other people into shocked awe inspired stupors. My Laziness causes others to do nothing… in admiration. Now, my dear readers, that is lazy.

Anyway, thanks this week go to Dustin, ACW, Belsum, Allrileyedup, and JW. Thanks for getting off your collective duffs and getting me these questions.

On to the questions:

1. Who’s lazier: Garfield or Homer Simpson?
I would have to say Garfield because Homer Simpson has held many a job, in fact he has been an Army Private, agent, ambulance driver, amateur-division professional arm wrestler, astronaut, attack-dog trainer, baby proofer, bartender, blackjack dealer, bodyguard, bootlegger, bowling alley employee, boxer, butler, candle maker, car designer, carny, CEO, chauffeur, Chief of Police, choreographer, chiropractor, clown, clerk, coach, cook, con artist, conceptual artist, day-acre worker, detective, drug smuggler, door-to-door salesman, executive, farmer, film critic, film producer, fireman, fish monger, fisherman, food critic, fortune cookie writer, garbage commissioner, grease collector, guard, ice cream truck driver, impotency spokesman, informant, ISP, inventor, lucadore, mall Santa Claus, manager, marriage counselor, mascot, mayor, mini-golf assistant, missionary, mob boss, monorail conductor, mountain climber, musician, night school teacher, oil rig worker, one man band, opera singer, ordained minister, outsider artist, owner, paparazzo, performance artist, personal assistant, prank monkey, public speaker, roadie, railroad engineer, rollercoaster rebuilder, referee, safety inspector, Saftey Salamander, sailor, Salesman, security officer, silhouette model, smuggler, snowplow driver, softball player, superhero, talk show host, town crier, trucker, union leader, used car salesman, voice actor, and a webmaster to name a few. Garfield, however, has only been a cat

2. I find that I’m most lazy on Sunday afternoons. Is this a common national affliction, or merely something that only North-westerners feel?
I think Sunday is the laziest day for most everyone whose work-week starts on Mondays.

3. Laziest animal in the world?
The Koala… it sleeps a lot and gets by on its cuteness.

4. Should I add this poster to my birthday wish list?
Add anything you want to your birthday wish list, it is your wish list. You don't have to ask me. I'm not your keeper. Sheeesh!

5. If there was a job that lazy people gravitated towards, what would said job be?
Truly lazy people are like super cooled liquids and slowly slide and ooze down the path of least resistance. I guess their job would be “ooze.”

6. What’s the difference between laziness and procrastination?
Procrastination is putting off something that could be done at the moment to do it later at an accelerated pace with questionable results. Lazy is not doing anything. Procrastinators often get stuff done, lazy people don’t.

7. Is laziness the same as not caring?
Nope, that would be apathy. Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain level of apathy that a lazy person must achieve, but one can be apathetic and not be lazy.

8. Shouldn't I feel better about being lazy? - I just feel soo guilty - what should I do about the feeling of guilt?
Here is our relativeness to the size of the universe. It is important, when being lazy, to realize that every individual is truly and honestly insignificant.

9. What’s up with the La-Z-Boy chair? Why would anyone buy a chair with that name?
Cause they are comfy

10. Has being lazy caused you to miss (at least in hindsight) a very worthwhile activity?
Not that I am aware of that would have taken effort to find out

11. What if I’m too lazy to send you any questions?
Then you should not have sent this question

12. What if you’re too lazy to actually respond to any questions?
I am skilled at being lazy, so I am not worried about that.

13. Why is it called a Lazy Susan?
Because the "Innovative Susan" wasn’t derogatory enough

14. Do you have and/or enjoy the La-Z-Boy?
We o have a La-Z-Boy, but it was purchased for the sole reason to make breast-feeding Little Man easier. Therefore the chair is the right size for Wifey and not the bigger guy she is married to.

15. What is your idea of a "lazy day"?
One that involves very little movement other than a 45 minute shower, preferable a shower with a chair in it.

16. Does sleeping in immediately constitute someone as being lazy?
Nope, sleeping is absolutely necessary, and "sleeping in" is a gift from the divine.

17. Is Godzilla lazy? I mean, he's so slow when it comes to destroying everything.
Nope, Godzilla is quite industrious. What we do not see from the movies is his extensive macramé hobby.

Now, Mothra, that Kaiju is lazy

18. Is it possible for parents to be lazy?
I have not found that to really be the case. Wifey has to be soooo un-lazy due to my laziness

19. What did you do/not do on your laziest day in history?
Uhhh… nothing. That was a silly question.

20. Are "bums" really lazy?
If by “bums” you mean srh-and-others-like-him’s ass, then "yes." If you are talking about the homeless, I am going to go with a big old “No.” Survival takes a bunch of energy.


To recap:
Sink is in and all should be usable by this evening
Dishwasher is in and all should be usable by this evening
The new kitchen is now officially usable
Wooo-hoo!
We will be cooking tomorrow
We might even be cooking this evening
Little Man said something about pancakes
And pancakes shall be his…
So it shall be written
So it shall be done

Tedium and Inactivity

I have run into a problem associated with reducing the daily amount of caffeine in my diet. I guess since I was not feeling 100% last week I did not notice the issue. Without the illness weakening my perceptive abilities I have noticed something that was not apparent to my adlepated brain. It turns out that caffeine is absolutely necessary in my professional life because my job is mind numbingly boring.

Sweet Jebus help me. My job is akin to picking up spilled toothpicks while watching paint dry. It is mindless tedium followed by large moments of inactivity. It is clipping the grass one blade at a time and watching a tree grow. It is… you are probably tired of the analogies by now, I will move on. I have the inglorious task of connecting vector lines and then watching progress bars slowly creep across my screen. Conversion progress bars… print queue progress bars… print to PDF progress bars… flattening progress bars… save progress bars… my life slowly draining progress bars… Please make it stop!

It was not until I got to work today and watched my concentrative energy slowly drained by the difficult to focus on tasks at hand did I realize that caffeine is the only thing that has kept me from sleeping on the job. The job sure as hell isn’t keeping me from taking a snooze. Trained monkeys could sleep at this desk… under-trained St Bernard’s could find slumber easy. However, squirrels on crack would not sleep through this job, because, well, they are squirrels and they are on crack.

Caffeine is all that keeps me remotely employable. Caffeine, my co-worker… Caffeine, my friend… Caffeine, my companion … Caffeine, my lover … Caffeine my savior…

To recap:
I am fighting the urge to sleep and the urge to drink more caffeine today
I hope I do not lose either of these fights
One would think that I would find a more efficient caffeine delivery system than Mountain Dew
One would be incorrect because coffee tastes like boiled socks and I am unwilling to use a pill form of caffeine
I am not a trucker
I do not drive a big rig
I am not known for hauling goods cross country in the vehicle that Peter built
I am no truck driver
I have lately been mistaking thirst for hunger
I need to drink more water
The counter-tops are stained and have three nice coats of acrylic on them
The water elements (sink and dishwasher) in our new kitchen should be attached today
Oh, Glorious Dishwasher! How we have missed you so...
That means we are only a sky-light and some cosmetics away from having Phase 2 of the construction done
Phase 3 is coming fast on its heels
Phase 3 will be interesting to say the least

Digital Thursday

In honor of the unveiling of the new Captain America I whipped this up. The black and white version was for one of them there Ten Ton Studios’ Sketch Challenges. I didn’t win.

Let's be clear, I am like third tier talent over there.

My initial version had the wrong mask. It was like batman with an “A” on his head and little wings instead of bat ears.

For a second I almost went on a rant about the direction they have taken Captain America, but you guys wouldn’t care less.

My belly is feeling better, but my intestines are giving me some issues.

To Recap:
Going to work on the counter tops tomorrow
Wait… did he just say that his intestines were giving him “some issues?”
Ewwwwwww…. That’s disgusting!
DISGUSTING
I have work that I am neglecting
I guess I should get back to that
Have a great weekend everyone

Stupid Stomachabitch

Last night I was up until stupid early because my stomach was on fire. A strong burning sensation in my belly made laying down and sleeping nearly impossible. I have had a track record of upper gastro-intestinal issues and pretty consistently take medication to alleviate some of the more tiresome symptoms. Forget the Prilosec for 3 days and the belly will let you know.

But the issue last night was something more than mere GERD. Last night was something… well, something more . Now I have to go about the arduous task of finding a new primary care physician. The previous 2 that I have most recently seen changed practices to areas of town that are not at all convenient.

Anyway, I am preoccupied with belly woes, so this post will be rather short.

To recap:
Crackers and water are not a way to live
I am tired of burping
Stupid Stomchabitch

20 Questions Tuesday: 80 - Coworkers

I seem to be in a bit of a rut as far as coming up with topics for posts. Yesterday got so bad that I subjected you to a crappy writing exercise, and today, to come up with a topic for 20 Questions Tuesday I had to resort to some randomizing processes. I threw a stapler over my cube wall to see what it interacted with. I was expecting today’s question topic to be about dented printers, but it turns out that it is about angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction. I felt that “angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction” was a bit too specific, so I broadened the topic to merely “Coworkers.”

Thanks this week go to themikestand, Dustin, Sassyfrass, Dr B-Dawg, Wifey (who posted yesterday {what up wit dat?}), and allrileyedup.

On to the questions:

1. What are your top three complaints about your coworkers (be as general as necessary to avoid dismissal)
Number 1: Not nearly attractive enough. If I am going to be locked in a box for 8 hours a day, I should at least be able to share it with some non-troglodytic knuckle draggers
Number 2: They do not respect the genius that is SRH
Number 3: I mentioned that they were all ugly, right? Some of these monsters could make a train take a dirt road.

2. Are you a worker, or a shirker? Where are you on the work-shirk (1-10) scale, assuming there's a normal distribution bell curve and +/- 1 standard deviations encompass 34.1% of the distribution on either side of mean.
I would fall in the first standard deviation on the worker side, probably around a third of the way towards the second standard deviation. I am motivated, but not supremely so.

Did you seriously just answer that last question?
Ummm… yeah

3. What's the angriest you've ever seen a coworker? Were there tears? Did they throw something?
He stood up and angrily said, “Fuck this, I’m going to go buy a Jaguar.” He left the building and we didn’t see him for 2 weeks… When he came back, we all wanted to see the new car. That made him even angrier.

4. Do you find you and your coworkers are angriest in the morning, or near the end of the day? What about during the week? Early or late?
This changes pending on the coworker in question. I would say there is an even distribution. Some people come in angry early because the weekend is over, but some people end the week angry because of work stuff that accumulated over the week.

5. Is it wrong to despise a co-worker who hums incessantly?
Depends on what they are humming. If it is the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme and they aren’t running around, then without hesitation, yes.

6. Do you sometimes feel like office settings are really just extensions of High School? There’s a popular clique, and then the techno geeks, and then everyone else…?
I think this is valid for many a work place, but pending on the market sector, the popular clique varies wildly. For example, at the civil engineering firm where I work the “cool kids” are still civil engineers.

7. Do your co-workers try and suck you into political conversations?
Rarely. Since my viewpoint is typically radically different from theirs, and most political discourse is not really about a civil exchange of political ideas, they stay away from me.

8. Has a co-worker ever stolen your lunch?
Yep. They are no longer working. (Was that menacing enough?)

9. Who are the angriest workers? I'm going to go with the old cliché standby of postal workers. They even have their own catch phrase, "Going Postal".
The angriest I have seen are bank tellers, but the ones that make the news are postal workers and machinists.

10. Are workers angry more because they are at work at all or because of something that happened at work?
A little of Column A, a little of Column B

11. How many angry employees does it take to make an office environment uncomfortable? Is the anger from angry employees usually from personal or work circumstances? Is it wrong to make the angry coworkers angrier, if they have a better desk than yours and you really want it?
If they are effective, just one can ruin it for all the rest. I think most anger at work stems from personal stuff associated with the angry person. They most likely have a shit ton of stuff going on in their life that they are not “allowed” to be angry about. Being angry about work is socially acceptable, but being angry at an emotionally unavailable family member is not. I am more interested in the better desk chairs than better desks…

12. In a no touching workplace, can you freely taunt angry coworkers like a tiger that is safely behind a 5 foot fence and has no chance of actually harming you?
I think the recent San Francisco tiger attack, should indicate that taunting any caged beast is not wise… tiger or co-worker

13. What do you do if a co-worker wants to be your friend, but you don't reciprocate? What if it's someone you just happened to meet at Wal-Mart? You don't have to give them your phone number, right? Why does this always happen to me?
Ummm… I ignore coworkers and Wal-Mart patrons whom I do not wish to talk with.

14. What is the perfect number of people (co-workers) to have in an office? 5? 50? 500?
50 to 200. Enough people to know most everyone and enough to avoid some if you don’t like them.

15. If your coworker were crackin' corn - would you care?
Depends on if they were crackin’ the corn for a purpose or if they were just crackin’ corn to crack corn. If they are just crackin’ corn for the hell of it… and much depends on if they go by the name "Jimmy"

16. If you were a gay bee, and one of your co-workers was a gay bee - which they're not - but if they were...would you be their valentine?
I assume I would be required to be the gay bee’s valentine if I were also a gay bee.

17. I know that your most hated job ever would be to be an assistant crack whore. But what job would you be doing if your coworker was an assistant crack whore? Would you be willing to share a cube?
I imagine I would have to either be a crack whore or a pimp, and if there is one thing we all know, it is that it’s hard out there for a pimp.

18. Ever blamed a coworker for something you did wrong? Ever taken credit for a co-worker's good work?
Nope, and nope

19. Why co-worker? why not cow-orker?
Cow-orker seems a bit… ummm… dirty. ewww

20. Do you participate in office gossip, or merely listen in and laugh occasionally?
Hell, I start most the rumors.


To Recap:
No coworkers were harmed in the making of this post
Some coworkers wanted to be harmed in the making of this post
They are a bit weird
And could live under bridges demanding tribute from billy goats
Did I mention more attractive co-workers would be nice
I have said it before, and I will say it again, “Hyperbole is the funniest form of humor”
I am reducing the amount of caffeine added to my system
It is a difficult task

Writing Exercise

Days where I cannot come up with a topic will involve some weird writing exercises. This one was given to me by some drunkard from my college days.

And Captain Jenkins raised what was left of his right hand to signal the final charge on the German trenches. After the first sweep of the German machine guns 90% of the charging force was stopped in the muddy wasteland between the trenches, the other 10% were being propelled skyward by the myriad of artillery fire haphazardly peppering no-man’s land and by the land mines that were now randomly strewn about the battlefield. At one time the land mines were planted in orderly rows with white picket fences (The way land mines were meant to be planted), but over the course of the war these explosive devices had been messed about all higgley-piggley and the picket fences with nice shrubberies were replaced with the metallic tasting barbed wire that one often finds keeping the cows from taking over Texas. For all know that without the wire that is barbed, the bovine revolution would have to be held in check by the sheep-herders and their flocks of wooly commandos, but that is a story for another time. This is about the fifth charge on the German trenches of the mediocre captaincy of Captain Jenkins. One would think with a name like Captain Jenkins he would be better at being a Captain, but one would be wrong and should most likely keep one’s opinions to oneself. One is awfully nosey, one is.

Captain Jenkins rallied we remaining 4 men to continue pushing toward the German lines, because that was the way of trench warfare. First Captain Jenkins would signal the charge, and then people would charge until there weren’t many people left, and then what was left of Captain Jenkins would rally what was left of his command and those 5 people would heroically dash into the German trenches to gain a new foothold for the British in France, for the sun should never set on the British Empire, unless, of course, it is night-time and then the sun shouldn’t be up at all. The second sweep of machinegun fire, of course killed the rest of us for the third time that day, but being dead merely 3 times over is not enough to stop the dogged charge of the British. Everyone knows that a Brit charging the German lines is quick like a cat and has as many lives providing the cat of comparison is not dodging busses in a busy road or placed into a cage with hungry badgers. For future reference, let’s assume all metaphors from now on imply a certain lack of hungry badgers and confined spaces. It is just safer that way, both for the badgers and for their human meals.

The five of us crested the lip of the German trench in time to see the shocked expressions of those whose conversation had just been interrupted by muddy soldiers intent on killing. Of course, by “five” I truly mean three of us, what was left of Captain Jenkins and oddly a badger in a uniform (they are sometime referred to as Scots especially if one defines “uniform” as a skirt). You can’t follow either a Scot or a badger in times of conversation that is just the way it is.

Luckily for the astonished Germans caught in betwixt conversational topics, the whistle to withdraw had been given considering our 134% personnel losses during this final charge of the day. I nicked a German biscuit and started the sloppy deadly withdrawal process of re-crossing no-man’s land, with what was left of the mediocre Captain Jenkins, a badger in a dress, and 2 other chaps with poor dental hygiene in tow.

To recap:
This weekend Little Man re-discovered Cap’n Crunch cereal
By this weekend, I mean yesterday
4.5 bowls of cereal later the roof of his mouth was hurting
So much that he decided to forego dinner
Much to his chagrin at bedtime
My stomach is a bit on the upset side today
Stupid Stomach!
Or should I say, "Stupid Stomachabitch!"

Digital Thursday

Over at the Ten Ton Studios forums the most recent Sketch Challenge was a Spiderman nemesis. This nemesis is Kraven the Hunter. In one of the posts someone explained Kraven’s costume thusly:

It's like Siegfreid and Roy meets WWE in a gay bar bar for drinks!

That person is very correct. Kraven’s costume consists of an open vest, leopard print tights, and ballet slippers. Later on someone mentioned something about Freddie Mercury, and I couldn’t get the image out of my mind.

So for all of you who have ever wondered:

Well, here is your answer.


To recap:
I thought about dropping Queen lyrics all over the recap, but decided against it
Instead, tell me your favorite Queen song in the comments
Mine is Flash Gordon
He saved everyone of us Oh-Oh
Happy Valentine's Day
Have a great weekend everyone

Getting all political

I usually do not weigh in on politics and/or political happenings. I find that political discussions tend to bring out the absolute worst in people. There are three types of political conversations that can occur. The first two are the most common. Conversation Type the First is when people agree with each other. These political conversations tend to turn mean-spirited very quickly and devolve into attacks against other viewpoints. Basically it is almost a series of one-upmanship of who can make fun of the opposition more.

Conversation Type the Second is when people do not agree with each other. Perfectly sane people will devolve into mouth-foaming wing-nuts when presented with opposing view points. Political discussions often rapidly devolve from the ivory tower position for or against something into personal attacks often culminating into attacks on previous political decisions and family lineage. That is one of the big reasons I don’t like political conversations.

Conversation Type the Third is when one or more of the conversation participants is apathetic. The conversation gets no where and at least one person leaves the conversation wondering why they just wasted their time.

So, I do not want to get into an alternate to my stance bashing session (a la Conversation Type the First), or a personal attack argument (a la Conversation Type the Second), or a waste of my time (a la Conversation Type the Third), and that is why I stay out of political topics.

Not today though. Today I will wade fearlessly into the political slush that is today’s blogosphere. I know you are thinking that with all of the primaries going on and how active the political landscape has been lately with primary season on around us that I will be posting something about whom I would endorse if asked. Well, I am not touching that crap with a ten foot pole. That shyte is a volatile morass of explodihood. “What are you going to get all political about then?” you ask.

Well, I think it is about time that I finally allowed my bile to spew forth considering the MLB Steroid abuse issues. WTF?!?! WHY IS CONGRESS EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?!? Seriously people? What is the point? Are there not enough real governmental issues going on to deal with? Aren’t there poor folk, rich folk, old folk, disabled folk, minority folk, white folk, military folk, foreign folk, etc… that need decisions made about actual budgetary and legislative stuff? Shouldn’t congress be battling with each other about who gets what and how much? What does Congress care if some ball players are suping it up? How is this internal MLB matter of any interest to the United States Congress? WTH!?!?! Will there be a national law against steroid use in professional sports when this is over? Why are they wasting my money on this?!?

Hey, MLB! Take care of your own shit. Come up with a steroid policy. MLB Players Union, stop doping and grow up. Congress, get back to governmental stuff! And quit wasting my money.

To recap:
Not sure what will be for dinner tonight
We need to get the counter tops in place prior to the sink being installed
Added a feed to the site
I should see my readership just going through the roof now
Many have asked for a feed for a long time now
Many = 1 or 2
I am starting to see the light at the end of my own personal illness tunnel
Hopefully there will be some gym-time in my near future

20 Questions Tuesday: 79 - Time to get Ill

Well, since I was out for a good part of last week, this week’s 20 questions are all about “Ill.” (not the state of Illinois though, that is a different 20 Questions)

Thanks this week go to Lsig, Sparky, Belsum, Dustin, Peefer, JW, Allrileyedup, and Atmikha.

On to the questions:

1. a: How sick do you have to be before you take medicine (in other words, do you take something at the first sign, or do you try to tough it out)? b: How sick do you have to be before you stay home from work? c: How many times have an illness/"illness" caused you to call off work? d: How sick do you have to be to go to the doctor?
a: not very sick to take meds to reduce symptoms via meds
b: I have to be pretty ill to not try to make it in. Basically I have to be sick enough that I cannot treat the symptoms effectively. This usually means a significant fever.
c: hmmm… maybe a handful of time including the day and a half from last week
d: To actually see a medical professional, the illness has to either be insanely acute or amazingly persistent.

2. Are rest, fluids and good nutrition the most effective way to cure most illnesses, or is it really to blast the pathogens with the pure chemical cocktail of Sprite, Dayquil and Top Ramen?
I believe the better answer of those choices is “rest, fluids, and good nutrition.” Had you added “youth” to “Sprite, Dayquil, and Top Ramen” that answer would have won.

3. Who copes with being sick better, you or Wifey?
We have vastly different coping strategies and vastly different coping tolerances for different symptoms. Truly there is not an easy decision of whose better? Who’s best?

4. There are many horrifying diseases out there. Which one would you try to avoid the most?
Ebola or really any of the hemorrhagic fevers

5. What's your favorite thing to do on a sick day - when you're home, alone, and sick?
Sleep. (and you could have left off “and sick?” in the criteria.)

6. What's the first sign that you're feeling better? For me, it's when I have the urge to bake something. Isn't that odd?
My first sign is usually wanting to get out of the house for no necessary reason (medicine, food, etc…), and I think baking is an odd response to wellness, but not odd like flying a kite at night odd.

7. Who is more ill, Eddie Vedder or LL Cool J?
Ummm… Let’s just say that the Ladies Love Cool James cause he is one ill mutha.

8. Autoimmune is the body attacking itself. Why would the body do that? Is the body completely crazy?
I have often wondered if my body was completely crazy… I am not sure you need to add fuel to this fire.

9. What are your feelings about every vice – from smoking cigarettes to playing poker – being labeled a “disease” these days?
Well, in some instances it makes sense. If the behavior is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain then it is a disease not much unlike diabetes and should be considered and medicated as such, but sometimes people go a bit far and take conscious decision out of the equation. People need to at least take responsibility for the parts of their actions that they are responsible for. Wanting to gamble could be a chemical imbalance, but buying a ticket to Vegas is a decision.

10. What will happen when we somehow manage to start passing cholera via e-mail?
A Pandemic that likes of which has never before been seen.

11. Ever had food poisoning?
Yep, some bad shrimp… really bad… uuuuggh

12. Does Wifey try and push crazy cure-alls on you when you’re sick? KJ does. Things like “zinc” and “vitamin C.” I tell her to take her pagan practices elsewhere.
Wifey is a happy medium when it comes to medicinal stuff. She is not all about over medicating, but is not against medicine playing a role.

13. Who is the ill in thrill?
I’ll put the “ill” in “thrill.” Of course then it will be “thri’ll”

14. In your lifetime, do you think we will see a pandemic as wide swept and as rapid as the bubonic plague? If so, what are you going to do about it?
I think that a pandemic is always possible, but I studied natural hazards in college, so I am biased. As for what I can do? I shall endeavor to wash my hands more often.

15. Generally, is sinusitis really a fungal-based invasion misunderstood for a bacterial infection?
If one describes the sinuses as a cave system and fungus as mushrooms, then yes.

16. Name the 5 "illest" rappers of all time (In your book)
Delivery: Eminem
Longevity: LL Cool J
Bad Assery: 50 Cent
Smooth: Snoop Dogg
Message: KRS-ONE
Beastie Boys get an honorable mention

17. Exactly what time is "time to get ill"?
3:39 bitches!

18. Any thoughts on chicken noodle soup? (does it work? do you make it? blah blah blah)
Number 1: Doesn’t do a damn thing for the soul
Number 2: Campbell’s Condensed? Bleck in a can
Number 3: Works no better than any other thin broth soup
Number 4: I make cream of tomato ‘cause I am a bad ass
Number 5: Yep, a bad ass.

19. Are you ever so sick that Boohbah become surprisingly "not-so-weird"?
I like that show and it is frikking weird. I am not sure there is a sickness level appropriate for that kind of delusion to be “not-so-weird.”

20. Do you eat spaghetti when you're sick? (I honestly don't know why I thought to ask you this, but it's making me laugh a lot right now)
Glad to have helped, but spaghetti is a soon after sickness meal due to ease of creation.


To recap:
Just went baby shopping with Wifey
Ummm… shifting one’s mind to girl’s clothes is difficult
Laundry needs to be done tonight
Much cleaning needs to be done actually
Jimmy cracked corn and I DO care
That bastard’s gotten away with cracking corn for the last time
I mean it
I need more sleep, but who doesn’t?

Mea Culpa and 2 things

So last week didn’t end quite how we had hoped it would end. On Tuesday of last week, major demolitions to one wall were conducted in the kitchen remodel. Dust went everywhere. We stayed at the hoose Tuesday evening, but Wifey and Little Man’s breathing determined that staying at Mimma’s house was necessary Wednesday and possibly Thursday . Wednesday afternoon rolls around and both Wifey and I feel like burnt monkey asses. We initially attribute this feeling to the dust inhalation, but later on we realize it is because we are ILL. We contaminated Mimma’s house until late Thursday evening and sickened our own residence for the rest of the weekend.

It was a bizarre illness because it would come in waves. Wifey would be out of commission for a bit and then it was my turn. Fever, sinus stuff, and sore throat… you know, burnt monkey assery. I did not feel like I got on top of it until Sunday night at about 9 pm. Little Man is still in the midst of it, and it seems like Wifey might be on the mend.

Whilst staying at Mim’s I was unable to post because her house is curiously cut-off from civilization. You see, she lives in a mythical house that does not have cable tv or a connection to the Internets. Not to mention that the she cannot receive the network channels due to static interference. It is a curious place.

What the above three paragraphs boil down to is the reasoning behind the lack of posting last week.

Two more things.

Thing the first: the BIG train show was this weekend. Little Man and I medicated ourselves up and went to the show. A few observances of the festivities.

There were a couple of the model train layouts that were not working. I have trouble with this lack of train movement. This is THE biggest train show event for the area annually and you have trains idle on the tracks? That makes no sense. Go to Plan B if your super de-dooper computerized controlling system isn’t working. There are kids here that want to see trains moving.

I got really tired of the overweight 50 to 60 year old white guys announcing how much better this was than video games because you are actually watching something real happen. If model train hobbies were more active hobbies I might be okay with the disgust that you hold to mere video games, but you are still in your basement being rather sedentary. Well done. You and gamers could get into wheezing contests and tie. Your high horse is in the basement and malnourished, so get off of it.

Whilst being directed by my 4.5 year old, I got interviewed by the local paper about the event. Seven minutes of conversation led to 4 lines in the Sunday Metro Section. That’s us at the end of the article.

Thing the second:
Conversation with Little Man:
LM: Papa
Me: Yes?
LM: Papa
Me: Yes, Sweetie?
LM: Papa, you know what?
Me: What’s that, Big Guy?
LM: I don’t like… I don’t like… I don’t like…
Me: What don’t you like, Little Man?
LM: I don’t like… mean people and diarrhea.

To recap:
Mean people suck
So does diarrhea
Supposedly getting the stove hooked up today
It will be nice being able to cook at home again
Goodness I am tired

20 Questions Tuesday: 78 - Remodeling

This week’s 20 Questions Tuesday deals with remodeling. Since we are in the thick of a major kitchen remodel, it only seems reasonable to seek and answer questions concerning this particularly life interfering task?

Thanks this week go to Dustin, Ex-Tree Monkey, Sassyfrass (aka Nadolny), and JimmyLegs.

On to the questions:
1. How does one become “handy?” I was going to ask how one becomes a handy man, but I’m didn’t want to risk any easy jokes about my love of clothes and effeminate gestures.
One becomes handy purely out of necessity. Home ownership will do that to you.

2. Is it wrong that KJ and I can’t even fix a broken drawer (broken in that it keeps jumping off its tracks)?
I like how you lumped KJ in there with you… very chivalrous. It really depends on what repairs the drawer needs to make it consistently work properly. If it is a matter of just re-setting the drawer on the rails… judgements might be rendered.

3. When working of said remodeling project, do you and Wifey have separate tasks, or do you try and do things as a team? If the answer is “team” – has this ever resulted in the phrase “FINE!! Fix is yourself Bob Villa !!” and then someone storming out of the room?
Wifey is not terribly informed as to whom Bob Villa is aside from the Sears gimmick tool commercials.

4. Countertops: Granite or other?
Other. Granite is soooo 2002

5. Is asking for magnetic drill bits for my birthday a lame request?
I would find the usefulness of drill bits whose sole purpose was to drill into magnets a bit underwhelming. Unless, of course, these drill bits could drill into the magnetosphere...

6. Are you enjoying the remodeling process? How much work are you doing yourself and how much are you getting subbed out?
The remodeling process to this point has been relatively painless, but at the moment it is a bit tiresome. I would say that (at least) 90% is being done by the contractor. We are attempting to do the stuff we can, which is not much.

7. Are you or Wifey more excited about a brand new kitchen?
Right now, Wifey is, but it changes by day.

8. Are you getting new “fancy” appliances? You know I love me some fancy appliances!
We got appropriate new appliances for a starter home. The fridge is not a Sub-Zero, the range is not a Viking, and the dishwasher is not a KitchenAid, but they are all new and all Energy-Star rated.

9. How’s Little Man handling all the extra dust, and the fact that you can’t find the microwave to make his “chickies”?
He has not been home during the really nasty dust laden processes, so far. So his asthma has not really flared up due to construction debris. Our contractor has been making a stalwart effort in trying to minimize dust as well. That has helped a ton. We made sure that the microwave is still easily located, so he is still chickiable whenever the need arises.

10. Have you felt the manliness intensified when holding a sawz-all? I don't know that anyone really needs one, but man do they feel manly.
If one’s job is not as a contractor, ownership of the sawz-all is really superfluous. Since I am not heavily associated with the demo portions of the job, I have not been privy to the use of the sawz-all this time around. I have wielded one before and I do believe it is heavily infused with testosterone.

11. How careful do you have to be when remodeling with regards to dust and such and Little Man’s allergies?
So far the work has been confined to an area that Little Man does not frequent, but as the processes become more invasive to the house, we are trying to minimize his exposure as much as possible.

12. What is the hit list of your future remodeling projects?
After this one, I think (other than cosmetic stuff that occasionally comes up) the upstairs bathroom is all that is left.

13. Has Wifey explained that when you finish the last room, that women actually think you’re supposed to start over? It's a never ending vicious circle I tell you!
I can only imagine that she will be longing for the upstairs bath to be fixed.

14. Wood?!? Feelings? Discuss amongst yourselves
I love it. We have hardwood floors throughout the house except for the flooring in the kitchen. We are going to have a butcher-block counter top for the new kitchen. Wood is good.

15. Do you ever take models of airplanes and stuff, then blow them up, and finally reassemble them thus “remodeling?”
I did the first two processes without the third being tacked on.

16. What kind of photo shoot do you prefer? Oh, wait my bad. I thought you wanted questions re: modeling.
A shoot without animals or children... and bikini clad models

17. Why are you remodeling your kitchen?
Well, it all boils down to two reasons really.
Reason 1 – add a bathroom to the downstairs
Reason 2 – make the office upstairs into a nursery
You see, we are pushing the kitchen into a mostly un-used sun-porch, and then turning the existing kitchen into an office with a bathroom so we can make the upstairs office into a nursery.

18. I forgot what 18 was?
Me too

19. So if Tyra Banks gives up this talk show host gig and gets back on the cat-walk, would she be, in effect, remodeling?
No, that would be un-retiring.

20. Let’s say that you are showing Little Man how to behave by acting in the way that you want him to act. He seems to catch on for a bit, but then regresses back to previous behavior. What is it called when you demonstrate through your actions how you want him to behave for a second or third time?
Remodeling… Uuugggghhhh, that was just painful.


To Recap:
Day two of the significant destruction
They are opening the pass-through from the existing kitchen to the new kitchen today
It will be nice
We will dine on left-overs that can be heated in the microwave
Meeting hell today
3+ hours in one meeting that went to nowheres
Fast-like

Appliances

All the components are in place. We have cabinetry (one needs to be replaced due to a break). We have countertops. We have appliances (one needs to be replaced since it was clearly dropped). The issue is that all of these constituent pieces are not assembled. Our dining room is a maze of cabinetry in boxes. Our existing kitchen is applianceless, and the new kitchen is not ready for prime time as of yet.

Supposedly the major wall demolition will be occurring tomorrow to remove the old exterior wall to create a 6 1/2 foot entry way from the old kitchen to the new. Associated with this demo, the electrical work is supposed to be finalized, the gas line is supposed to be switched and the plumbing should be finalized as well. Should should should. I have money on all those things not happening tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I think our contractor will do everything in his power to make it happen tomorrow, but I just understand that there are just too many systems and processes that have to happen correctly for that to be realistic. Hopefully we will only be out of commission kitchen-wise for a mere week.

Therefore this week will be a week of restaurant frequenting. It takes having a workable kitchen arrangement to actually cook. Tonight? I have no idea what will be for dinner, but we aren’t cooking it. Tomorrow? The same.

So… here we are in the midst of the Kitchen re-model for reals.

To recap:
No stove and no dishwasher make SRH go crazy
By all means these are not the only conditions to do so
“Cleaning out” the old fridge and detaching the other appliances took a long time last night
And this morning
I define “cleaning out” to mean “removing food” and not the application of any specific cleanser in this instance
They delivered the new stuff at 8:15 this morning
I unhooked the dishwasher at 7 this morning
That involved many tools and much banging about in the kitchen and basement
I am exhausted
Little Man is a bit under the weather today
This “a bit under the weather” seems to be lingering for him
Wifey is having trouble maintaining her eat/not eat balance
She goes from fine to starving tiger in 2 seconds
Thanks pregnancy!