D: 4 of 26

Here we are at week 12 for the Alphabetic Randomness of SRH. This week, the letter D comes to us from a foam ball lobbed toward my work computer’s keyboard. The ball actually typed “dewr” and reformatted my hard drive, but that is beside the point. The letter D is the 4 the letter of our English alphabet and today’s blog post.

D: Big D, Little d, David Donald Doo dreamed a dozen doughnuts and a duck-dog too.

Since I have already waxed eloquent on my love of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, I think it would be irrelevantly redundant to have D be about “Doughnuts,” (Personally, I prefer the spelling of “Donuts” but that is not what this post is about.) so it was necessary for me to come up with another D-word for this post. D is a pretty large section of the dictionary, so I did not look through the D section and decide on a word that way. I thought and thought and thought about what D-word would be significant to me. Then it hit me in all my arrogant wonder. The word I shall hold near and dear to my heart that starts with “D” shall be “Dullard.” Oh, where would we be without dullards? Oh, where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Anyway… some background. Whilst we were forced to dwell in what can only be described as Alabama, Capt. McArmypants (then he was merely NoRank McOppositionally Defiant) and I would play The Dullard Game tm. It was a simple game with simple rules that we and we alone knew. The game was born from our sense of intellectual superiority that can only be attested to our unchecked arrogance. We were asses, what can I say? (The past tense of the “to be” verb is only being employed because these games took place in the past, I don’t want anyone thinking that I am precluding myself from currently being an ass.)

The mediocre captain (he ain’t “The Good Captain” by any means. Definitely mediocre at best) and I determined, and rightly so, that the term “Dullard” has the correct level of derogatoriness to it. Dumbass, idiot, moron, dumbfuck, cretin, dimwit, and most other derogatory terms for the less than intellectual just seemed to miss. We paused on the word “twit” but eventually decided it was too British for us to genuinely use it being decidedly non-British and all. The Dullards in Alabama were fairly easy to pick out and sadly all too prevalent. Eventually we took this game on the road, but we had a difficult time determining who was a dullard in England, Scotland, or Germany. The cultural contextual clues were so different. The typical American signs just were not present, but this is not the meat of this post itself.

What I am using the term Dullard to illustrate is that many times the most derogatory term that one can use is not necessarily vulgar or inherently racist. Calling someone a dumbass, a dumbshit, or a dumbfuck is crass and the person receiving your dispersions on their intelligence disregards this due to its commonness. Now, the word “dullard?” Oh, that word infuriates it intended target. It is haughty, it is pretentious, and it is inherently comparative. Calling someone a Dumbshit does not preclude you from being a dumbshit yourself. Calling someone a dullard insinuates a certain level of superiority. One cannot call out others for being a dullard, if one is a dullard.

If you take anything useful from this post, I will be monumentally surprised. Wait, let me start that again. If you take anything from this post, please let it be my underlying point: If you can find the correct word, you can debase someone without resorting to cursing or racial epithets.* Thank you and good night.

To recap:
D is also for Darth Vader Reference pic can be found here
I love the Wacom Tablet that Wifey got me for Christmas!
I have started drawing more
I am really happy with how this one turned out
It has severely cut into my World of Warcraft time
I don’t mind so much though
I am not sure I like my new phone ring tone
I should have thought about the D word longer, shouldn’t I?
I could have made some crap up about dirigible
Who doesn’t want to read about airships?
Instead I write a post that makes me seem like a pompous ass
Who’s the real dullard now, SRH?
Who’s the real dullard now?
This post boiled down to “Fear my massive vocabulary!”
Or rather “Quake at SRH’s gargantuan lexicon!”
Sweet Jebus! I am a vainglorious ass!
Have a great weekend everyone


*I know there is at least one other who agrees with me.

Unbidden Memories

Looking back on childhood is not always a good thing. Reminiscing about idyllic days gone by can be a dangerous past time. Sometimes these un-bidden childhood memories slam into your consciousness without any warning. They wistfully take you back to a time when you had more free-time and less responsibility, or they bring about flashbacks of trauma survived by younger versions of ourselves. These unexpected memories of times past can be powerful and strangely emotive, or they can be analytically detached and emotionally devoid. It really depends on the memories called up and the person remembering. It is strange to see someone going through this process. They have a far away look in their eyes sometimes with a serious expression or a slight smile curling their lips. Their heads are slightly cocked at an angle. They seem to be looking over the horizon at lives past. It is fascinating to see this process. It is wonderful to see humanity remember itself and relive those feelings of lost youth.

At least that is what the driver next looked like he was doing this morning while he was slowly drifting into my lane on my daily commute to work. Come on, Chuck*, quit thinking about your childhood pet Mr. Snugglesworth** and start driving again! This time try not to inadvertently kill your fellow motorists with your inability to focus on the task at hand. Focus, Chuck! Focus!

To Recap:
Look, there’s 2 hobbits
Hobbitsies are trixie!
I am all about believing in its butteryness
You are not supposed to run with scissors, but what if it is a hair emergency?
What if someone needs those scissors 2 rooms away, right NOW!
“Needs!” I says, “NEEDS!!!”
Why, as a child was I encouraged to run with a stapler
It was always, “Don’t forget your stapler,” and “get the lead out, that stapler isn’t going to be in the kitchen in time if you don’t hurry up”
That damn stapler and that helmet they made me wear….
I just told you guys too much, didn’t I?
Hmmmm… disregard this recap
These are not the droids you are looking for
kkksskt - These are not the droids we are looking for
We can go about our business
kkksskt - You can go about your business
Move along
kkksskt - Move along, move along


*Just guessing at a name here. He looked like a “Chuck."
**Just assuming with a name like Chuck that the pet's name would be similarly dorky***.
***Wow, I just made a value judgement on the merits of someone's potential name. I am shallow.

20 Questions Tuesday: 44 - A Hodge Podge, a Mish Mash, a Potpourri, if you will

Today’s 20 Questions Tuesday is a hodge podge, a mish mash, a potpourri, if you will. The reason for this a-topical 20 Questions? Well, I did not email people for questions yesterday. I sent out an emergency call for questions this morning and was pleased with the responses I got.

Thanks this week (A very hearty thanks, by the way) go out to ACW, Belsum, Allrileyedup, the Em, and Ksig.

On to the questions:

1. Why does modern man believe that he can build anywhere? (coastal plans along the Atlantic and Gulf coasts, hillsides in So Cal?) Have we lost touch with nature?
It is not that man has lost touch with nature, it is that the places that are prone to major catastrophic events tend to be the more panoramic places with the best soils for agriculture.

2. What does it mean when both cars have over 100K miles?
Time for a new car, or that you have spent around $13,000 on gas (assuming an average of 30 mpg and an average gas price of $2.00).

3. Is Little Man into the F1 series of locomotives?
Little Man is not too fond of steam locomotives. They are not what he sees when he goes to the railroad crossing to watch trains. He is into the diesels.

4. Do you like to take your birthday off work?
Yes, yes I do. It is my own personal holiday for reflecting and introspection.

5. What did you get men (Belsum) for my birthday on Thursday?
I was not aware it was your birthday on Thursday. I will have to look into what gifts would be appropriate.

6. Last year was my Golden Birthday. When was yours? Did you do any extra celebration?
Mine was in 1995, and I didn’t even know that it was “golden” at the time. Could have been a heckuva party.

7. It’ll be a full moon on my birthday. Do you pay attention to moon phases at all?
Not in the least.

8. Twice in elementary the last day of school fell on my birthday. Is there possibly a better present for a kid?
Well, there’s… nope, that isn’t as nice. Or there is… that’s not as nice either. Ummmm… nope, that really is the best present a grade-schooler could have.

9. Which is worse--living along an earthquake fault, living on a coastal bluff subject to mudslides, living in a fire hazardous area with only one road out, or living in a hurricane disaster area?
Earthquakes happen along a geological time frame, so it is not as risky as one might think. Don’t get me wrong, when they go, they go big, but in overall risk assessments, it is pretty weak. There are things one can do to mitigate the fire hazard associated with one’s domicile. Granted, in a real firestorm, there is not much that you can do, but in a run of the mill wild fire, you could shore up most of your possessions and easily survive. Hurricanes take a looooong time to make landfall. There is a pretty good amount of warning that is given before those guys make landfall. Therefore, one could save themselves fairly easily, as for property? You can replace property. I would say coastal bluff prone to mudslides. If the area is truly unstable, then it is only a matter of time before you get the slump.

10. When living in Alabama, which was the worst hurricane experience for you?
Since I was in Birmingham, which is pretty far inland, Hurricanes were pretty much just massive rainstorms by the time they got to us. Our worst storms were spring cold fronts sweeping in from Mississippi. Those bad boys could be all sorts of nasty: tornadoes, straight line wind, lightning, hail.

11. What is the difference between a tsunami and a tidal wave?
Tsunamis are associated with geological events (volcanoes, earthquakes, etc…). Tidal waves are a misnomer that should be referred to as tsunamis. The Japanese deal with these things all the time. I think they deserve to give them their global name.

12. High heels--naturally hazardous to one's feet or a beautiful accessory?
I understand the appeal of high heels. What is not to understand? They add height, lengthen the leg, thrust the breasts forward, and push the butt back. That being said, I don’t like them because of the long term physical damage one can get by frequent use. I have plead with Wifey about no longer getting significantly raised heels.

13. Do have an emergency preparation kit at home?
Nope. Should I? Most definitely. I plan on us surviving on the weak if there is a disaster in Columbus.

14. What do you think the best state to live in would be (overall)?
Hmmm… I love me some Colorado, but there are many states I have not been to, so I think pronouncing a “best state” would be a bit premature.

15. Would you prefer drowning or freezing to death?
Freezing

16. Why is it that people comment on what you are wearing no matter how dressy or casual it is? It's like no matter what you wear it's not right. Okay, maybe this question was more about me (the Em) than you, but you had better answer it correctly.
Pass

17. Why do some people enjoy running so much....they'd rather just run than run while playing some sort of sport...don't they get bored?
I have no idea. Running is not an activity that I can get behind. Some people can get into a kind of meditative state whilst running. I just constantly think about how much I have left before I can stop.

18. What's your favorite flower? Do guys have a favorite? Would you like it if Wifey ever got you flowers instead of the usual other way around...the guy buying flowers for the lady?
For my undergrad graduation, Wifey got me flowers. I was truly and honestly touched. That being said, I do not really have a favorite flower.

19. If you were walking down the street and someone “served” you, what moves would you pull out of the kilt? And what dance would you close the dance-off with? And don’t chicken out with some lame answer about running away or not retaliating to ‘ you got served’. I want dance move names so I can picture it mentally.
Hmmm… you have me at a disadvantage. I am not knowledgeable in the terms of dancing. I will try to give you a good picture. If someone served me on the street, I would most likely be wearing a kilt, so anyone who steps up to this shit needs to beware. I think I would have to start with a traditional 6-step. I gots to get my momentum goin’, dawg. I think some swipes would be in order, straight into a wushu with a front flip directly into a set of broncos. Once the broncos are done, I am all over the flares. My flares are money. For the finale, I would do a front back flip, front fall and end it with an airchair. Cause that’s how fly I am, shiiiii.

20. You grew up in ‘Bama (Crimson Tide/Auburn Tigers) and now live in C-Bus (OSU Buckeyes). I realize you are not a football fan (and don’t give me the bs about soccer being football) but what are the major differences between the 2 (schools,fans,cities,etc…) towards football?
Alabama does not have ANY professional sports, therefore college football is the surrogate. Sure, sure, Columbus doesn’t have an NFL team, so the Central Ohioans treat OSU like a pro-team, but the ENTIRE state of Alabama lives through their 2 schools. There really is very little comparison about the rabidness of Alabamian football fanatics. They truly are the fundamentalists of football. Another key difference is that OSU does not have an in state rival. OSU’s biggest rivalry is with Michigan. Michigan’s biggest rivalry is with Michigan State. Therein lies the problem.

To Recap:
Little Man now has a bed with a slide on it
Who doesn’t want a bed with a slide on it?
I would have loved a bed with a slide on it
Columbus’s original name was Wolf Ledges
We would have soooo many professional sports teams if that were our town’s name still
Who wouldn’t be afraid of the Wolf Ledges Alphas or the Wolf Ledges Loup-Garous
It was one busy weekend
Busy with stuff top show for it
But not enough stuff to warrant how busy it was
I think it is time to turn on the air conditioning
Little Man might be done with the daily nebulizer!
I am going to type that again for emphasis
Little Man might be done with the DAILY NEBULIZER!!!
And his peanut allergy is actually getting better
He had an allergist appointment this morning
It went very well
Wifey and I are happy

It's a holiday, buzz off

Sheesh, what is it with you people. Can't a guy take a day off? If I get one more phone call or emial asking me when/if I am going to post today. It is a holiday! Go home.

To recap:
Nothing to see here
Move along
Move along

W: 23 of 26

Ah, the 11th installment of the More Than Random Alphabet of SRH. Since Wifey is in town today, I have defaulted to the normal “randomly ask Wifey for a letter” method of letter generation. Today’s letter ended up being “W.” The 23 rd letter, W, is one of the later additions to our alphabet. It was added to denote the soft “V” sound which makes me wonder why it is not referred to as “doubleV, but that is beside the point.

W: W… w… w… Willy Waterloo is washing Warren Wiggens who is washing Waldo Woo

(Who said Dr. Seuss wasn’t into the homoerotic subtext?)
Hmmmm… Sometimes I think that Wifey is a bit on the self serving side of things. I think after she saw me do “P is for Progeny,” she figured W would be for Wifey. Well, she is incorrect. W in my world stands for Wendigo.

The Wendigo is a Native American mythological creature that is much like the yeti or sasquatch or Bigfoot. It is a large furry bipedal creature known to inhabit the mountainous wilds of North America. These creatures are distinctly different from yetis, sasquatches, and bigfeet due to their penchant for human flesh…

Oh, who am I kidding. W really is for Wifey. We got married almost 10 years ago, in fact this September will be our 10th anniversary. We were young kids at the time; the tender age of 23 without many real cares in the world. Well, I guess we cared about things like “where should we order pizza from tonight?” and “How late should we sleep in this morning”, but those aren’t really “cares”, per se.

But much like I did not belabor you with tales of Little Man, I also shall not regale you with tales of Wifey. Instead, I will focus on a few things that have changed in my life due to Wifey’s influence.

I learned to communicate my feelings better: Being married to an ex-therapist has its upsides and its downsides. While she will give me a quick-fire psychological profile of my friends and really nail their true selves to the wall with her clinical eye (hilarious upside), she sometimes will use those very skills against me (unfortunate downside). She often makes me really think about my motivations and what feelings are causing me to do various actions. She is typically 80-90% correct, but you did not hear that from me.

I learned that buying clothes that fit will make you look better: She introduced me to the idea that clothes that fit were not only comfortable, but that they were also more aesthetically pleasing. She has me wearing clothes that fit and make me seem like I am in a state of relative physical fitness, instead of shoving myself into pants that are too small and make me look like a be-panted sausage. She has helped me to get a more accurate self body image than I had before, and more than that she has helped me to accept what that image is with a small bit of grace. That is one of the greatest trivial life-lessons she has taught me.

I have learned that cheese is really over-rated: Wifey hates cheese; therefore most meals at Casa del SRH are cheese-less affairs. You know what? I don’t really feel like I am missing anything at all. We still cook tasty meals with a full bouquet of flavors and aromas. Since close to eliminating cheese from my diet, I have noticed how many people rely on cheese to make the meal. It is a culinary crutch, in my opinion. I know that there are a boat-load of you jokers out there who are going to come to the defense of cheese and insinuate that I have never had really “good” cheese. That may be true, but good cheese, as I understand it from the connoisseurs, is supposed to stand on its own not become a bland “sauce” to be slathered over some kind of breaded chicken.

I have learned to love who I am: I don’t necessarily know why, but Wifey fell in love with me. She has spent the past 12 years teaching me that I am worth loving. Because she loves me, I can love myself, but not in that way, you gutter dwelling porn fiends! I mean I guess I could still love myself that way, but that was not what I was getting at. Great, now I am flustered.

To recap:
It looks like Little Man likes painting pictures that in coloring book
He is surprisingly good
He will also body surf down our neighbors bank
He’s surprisingly good at that, too
I am not sure what will be for dinner tonight
It will not be cheesy though
Wendigo’s are not as scary as vampire bears, but you might not want to meet one.
Have a great weekend everyone
If you are in the States, have a great extended weekend but be safe

I love it when they call me Big Papa

Before Little Man was born there were some decisions that we had to make as a couple and as individuals. These were not earth-shattering, life-altering, monumental decisions, but ones that had to be made nonetheless. These decisions were not things like will we let him play with toy guns or will we instill the usage of “Mam” and “Sir.” Those decisions can be taught later when the child is a little older and able to “get” the concepts better.

One such decision was what Little Man was going to call me. With my cultural and ethnic knowledge there were only a few to choose from for this momentous moniker. There is, to my knowledge, Dad, Daddy, Father, or Papa. Dad didn’t work for me. This seemed a bit too old for a young child to use when referring to me. Daddy felt too common. I am nothing if not un-common. Father would have worked if I were Darth Vader or this were the 1800’s, but otherwise it is too formal and stilted.

The lovely Wifey decided that she wanted to go by Mama and not Mommy or Mother, so I went with Papa, the typical paring with Mama. But I did not choose “Papa” just because it went well with “Mama.” I chose Papa because it has a more intimate feeling to it. I chose Papa because I wanted to hear a little voice calling me Papa. To me Papas are supposed to be fun and silly men with deep resonate voices, men who smile often and laugh easily. They love their little ones and like to scoop them up in their outstretched arms. They let contented babies sleep on their chest, and smile warmly when their 2 year old wants their sandwich. So I chose Papa.

There is another side to Papa that I hadn’t really considered until after Little Man came into our life. There is also Papa Bear. Papa Bear does not come out much but when he does he is swift, firm, and sometimes brutal. Wifey saw Papa Bear once when a boy threw a ball at Little Man’s head in the young kids’ area of COSI (Kid's museum type place in Columbus). Papa Bear has also had to intercede on his boy’s behalf at a playground’s sand box due to the limited amount of shovels and buckets present. There have been at most a handful of appearances for Papa Bear. All of them have been swift, all of them decisive, and all of them have been rather effective

Turns out that Papa Bear also wants to protect Wifey too. Wifey was dealt with dismissively by someone she is supposed to work with, and Papa Bear is not happy. No Papa Bear is not happy at all. No one laughs dismissively at Wifey without Papa Bear emerging. Unfortunately Papa Bear is powerless in this position and therefore Papa Bear must merely post about his frustration.

Papa Bear could also be blowing things out of proportion (actually I am sure of this since Wifey is not still spitting mad) because he is rather biased and protective where Wifey and Little Man are concerned.

To recap:
My left calf feels like tenderized meat today
The second day after exercising is always the worst
Yesterday was Little Man’s last day of pre-school
That makes me sad
He really liked it a whole bunch
Sometimes I sit and think
Sometimes I just sit
No really
I do not have enough work shirts for the upcoming summertime
Scissors
People make fun of me for my collection of history of math books
There are soooo many better reasons to make fun
Math history books are too easy
Work for it people
Papa Bear also likes to talk about himself in third person
I have decided that instead of having a balanced diet, I will instead take supplements
Fish oil, magnesium, B-complex, multi-vitamin, glucosamine…
I am not sure what is for dinner tonight, but I hope it is not in tablet form like the rest of my nutrients

20 Questions Tuesday: 43 - By the Numbers

I have done letters so now it is on to the venerable topic of numbers. Many people think that since I am a math major I am all knowledgeable about numbers. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am increasingly more unfamiliar with numbers. So today’s topic was an interesting one for me to try and answer. I have to answer well enough to seem like I haven’t forgotten all that much, but, you see, I have.

Thanks this week to Lord Pithy, Lsig, Tree Monkey, Dr B-Dawg, JW, WV Slim, and ACW.

To the questions!

1. a. If 1 is the loneliest number, and two can be as bad as 1 (it's the loneliest number since the number 1), what is 471?
b. If, as songs would have us believe, One is the loneliest number and Three is the Magic number, what is Two?
c. The Beatles claimed that one was the loneliest number, but it really seems to be better than say 3, 5, 7 in terms of the effect of the group dynamic on your un-coupledness. So shouldn't there a better mathematical development such as:

L = 1 - N/N!

According to this little guy: 1 and 2 have a loneliness factor of 0. As the number of people increase, the loneliness factor increases also. For even numbers the loneliness factor isn't zero. I'm guessing that this reflects jealousy or the desire to be with someone in the group than with the current partner. Interestingly, 11 is the plateau number. So, in a group with a minimum of 11, that is when you are truly the loneliest. Thoughts?
a. According to part c, 471 has an L value that is almost equal to 1. So 471 is significantly lonely.
b. Two can be as bad as 1 (as stated above), but 2 is only lonely if the 2 are not together or have been for a looooooooooong time.
c. The basic premise of your function is not valid. The function you describe is asymptotic to L=1

L = 1 – (1/(N-1)!)

Your premise is that as you add people, loneliness increases. That just does not hold true. Sure there is a capping function where loneliness kicks back in because as more people are added the individual relationships break down. I would suggest something more along the lines of L = 1 – ((N+1)!/(N-1)^N)). It is still asymptotic towards 1, but there is more fluctuation. In this instance 2 and 3 are more lonely than 1, but what the heck.

2. There are word problems in math; give me an example of a math problem in grammar.
Too plus too equals FORE!!!!

3. If you have three apples, and I take three apples away, what law of capitalism have you failed to uphold?
Retention of my personal property. I am charging interest on those apples, by the way. They were not a gift. Oh, I am all about the usery.

4. What is funny about 72?
Oh, 97 knows. Oh yes, 97 knows indeed. Let's just say it involves coughing, penguins, blue painters tape, and an artichoke.

5. How many pickled peppers could a woodchuck chuck?
18, but that is "up-chuck".

6. Aesthetically, I think 8 is the nicest-looking number. Do you have a favorite?
I like 9 when it is hand-written.

7. Why, if numbers are so cool, did mathematicians decide to start using letters in algebra? Other than to totally confuse the math illiterate, of course.
Mathematicians needed place holders, and the most denigrating thing they could do to languagey people was make their symbols empty and meaningless.

8. What’s your lucky number?
22

9. What number(s) seem to recur for you in phone numbers, DL#, zips,...
8’s, 5’s, and 7’s

10. Why didn't natural selection gives us 12 fingers and 12 toes. Was there someone with 12 fingers and toes (let’s call him Chad)? Did we remove Chad from the herd because of his smug superiority? If, for some reason, the base-ten numbering system had to be abolished, what would you advocate in its place?
Chad was a jerk. All uppity with his counting more than others.

Oddly (not in honor of Chad... he was suck a jerk!) I would go with a base 6 or base 12 system. We already use it for circles and calendars.

11. Have you seen spiderman 3 yet?
Nope, I will see it when it makes it to TBS in a year and a half.

12. What is the number of merit badges that you earned?
I think it was 21

13. What is the Historic/religious significance of pi 3.14?
Mmmmm pie…. I’m sorry what was the question again?

14. What is the highest number that little man can count to?
He has on occasion gotten to 17. he typically stumbles around 11, and 12.

15. Who sang "Baby Don't Forget my Number" since it wasn’t really Milli Vanilli?
Brad Howell and John Davis (not of Garfield fame)

16. What do you think is the biggest number people are willing to pay for a gallon of gas?
$3.99

17. What's up with that magic number in nature....the Golden Ratio. Do you think it hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of the universe?
It is all about measuring stuff and comparing it. It is pretty impressive when you see how many things in nature have that ratio, and how many unrelated things seem to have the ratio embedded within them as well. I do not, however, think that it is a key to unlocking the secrets of the universe, I think it is a proportion that has some evolutionary merit for movement and balance.

18. How do you feel about you age? Are you where you thought you would be?
I really feel pretty okay with my age. 32 is not as bad as I thought it would be. I am moderately active. I only have a few chronic aches and pains. Little Man is not surprisingly old for my age. I guess I am about where I thought I would be around now.

19. Please explain the chaos theory. Who is that guy Mandelbrot (he is quite the looker)?
Chaos theory is more aptly defined as non-linear dynamic systems. It is where you use the output of an equation as the input for the next step of the equation. So an equation like X =|(N^N)-1| in linear terms goes along like (0, 0, 3, 26, 63, …..), but non-linearly it depends on what number you start with. If you start with 0, it goes (1, 0, 1, 0,1,……). This system is considered non-choatic for the numbers 0, and 1, but chaotic for 2 and above. That is one of the basics of chaos theory without looking at the stuff holistically.

Looking at non-linear dynamic systems as a “big picture” you find that technically chaotic things tend to follow a certain amount of pattern and while they cannot be exactly predicted there is a pattern to the systems that can be predicted.

Mandlebrot, was the first person to “map” all the quadratic functions tendencies towards chaotic systems. Summarily, the Mandlebrot set is that map.

20. To graduate as a math major did you have to complete some kind of freaky proof?
Nope, I just had to do some coursework. Had I continued on and gotten a masters in mathematics, I would have had to do some more intricate studying and proofing.

SPECIAL EXTRA 3 QUESTIONS

21. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. That bastard ate 9! Do you hear me, 7 went all Hannibal on 9!

22. Come on, who really thought the elf from The Santa Claus would be able to solve crimes using some highly improbable math?!
Not me. I love math and I couldn’t get into Numb3rs.

23 Why can you "play with the numbers" to get something to make sense, but you can't "play with the letters" to finish a report?
That is a good question, and one for which I do not have an answer.


To recap:
I am quite tired today
And sore
Stupid exercising
I couldn’t sleep at all last night
Doot doot doo doo doo doot
I think the room was too hot
That doesn’t bode well for this evening
It is going to be much warmer today
Little Man ate 3 plates of spaghetti last night
3 PLATES!
He isn’t a boy, he’s an eatin’ machine

Three Things

Three main things to cover today.

Thing the first: Wifey came home. It involved a trip to Cleveland, some duct tape, a Coke can, and 15 ft of razor wire, but she got home.

Thing the Second: My prediction of Wifey taking over the number 3 spot was woefully incorrect. I am still a solid number 3. Both Wifey and I are surprised by this outcome. I really thought I might have gotten a break. Turns out that instead of Little Man feeling joyous at her return he is still bitter at her departure. He holds a grudge, what can I say.

Thing the Third: The digital piles of dirt I have been working on needed to be done today at 4pm. I gave them to the PM at 4:05pm. All in all I would say that was a success. It was not the 4 “simple” renderings that I was promised. Turns out that there were 6 renderings in all, and one of them required me “erasing” a boat load of the existing photo and painting what was most likely behind the stuff I removed.

PM: Can you take out this tree so we can see the buildings behind it?
Me: Oh, God…… /wimper

To recap:
Weekend was lovely
A “Thanks for honking for Little Man” goes out to the NS engineer in the Conrail engine
Little Man was out of his mind happy with that
Truly he was bat-shit insane happy with the Conrail honking
That made me really happy
No really, he made Wifey call me today so he could remind me that "Conrail train honked because you waved."
"No, the Conrail honked because you waved, Little Man."
For those of you not in the know, when you erase a tree in a photo the building behind it does not magically appear
Tomorrow will be 20 Questions Tuesday: 43 - By the Numbers
Excited yet?
Didn’t think so
If I had free punch and pie I would give it out
I imagine you would be much more interesting a 20 Questions Tuesday if there were free punch and pie
I know I would be more interested in writing it
I am debating whether or not I should go work out tonight
It has been about 3 weeks since my last gym foray
I am not looking forward to the results of my neglect
If I go I will hurt tomorrow
If I don’t I will feel terrible about myself
What to do… what to do

P: 16 of 26

Here we are with the tenth installment of the Ever More Patternless Random Alphabet of SRH. It is later than usual, but later is better than neverer. Today’s Random Letter Meanings for SRH comes from the anonymous comment from yesterday. Today’s letter is the 16 th letter of the English alphabet, the letter P.

P: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O…. P, Painting pink pajamas, Policeman in a pail. Peter Pepper’s puppy. And now Papa’s in the pail.

P is one of the letters that didn’t take me long to figure out. The word that immediately came to mind when I thought of the letter p was “Pee,” but everyone pees so how personal is that for my alphabetic identity? The second word that came up was progeny. So today’s word, boys and girls, is progeny, my progeny to be exact.

Today’s post will be about Little Man’s impact on my life, not necessarily about Little Man.
Rapidly coming up on four years ago lives were altered permanently by the arrival of our baby boy.

Here is a partial list of things that have changed since the arrival of Little Man:

• My hale and hearty yoga instructing brickhouse (she’s mighty mighty) of a wife sustained significant injuries to her back and hips due to labor complications
• My sleep deprivation hit all time highs, or is it lows?
• I started significantly losing hair (unfortunately not on my back)
• I think that had to do with sleep debt
• We started cooking almost all of our meals due to Little Man’s food allergies
• Housekeeping became a thing of the past
• Work only mattered due to the paycheck
• Priorities were re-arranged
• Amount of trains seen in person and via YouTube
• I became a little boy’s hero
• That one is scary, because heros always end up letting you down eventually
• Superman isn’t real, Batman is psychologically messed up, Captain America is dead,
• And my brother has a hard time looking past his own reflection in the mirror
• My TV viewing habits
• Amount of computer game time
• I started checking my language at home
• I started cursing more at work
• I achieved a cursing/noncursing balance
• A harmony of coarse and smooth language
• My knowledge of asthma and food allergies
• I started driving different
• More erratically due to lack of sleep
• Amount of conversations surrounding the topic of poo
  

Here is a partial list of things that have not been changed (much) since Little Man’s arrival:

• My wardrobe
• Love of Wifey
• The sheets on the bed (yee-uck)
• Sense of humor
  

All in all the changes in my life due to the arrival of my progeny are all worth it. When he falls asleep on my arm it is amazingly sweet. That is until I cannot feel my fingers due due to his noggin resting in the crock of my elbow. I love his inquisitiveness and how it makes me create plausible answers to a 3.75 year old’s burning questions.

To recap:
Day 3 is down and Day 4 is almost over, a little over a day left for the sole care provider role
It will be nice to have Wifey back
I think I might be zoo-ing it tomorrow
It would be fun to look at the tigers
And relish the hippo free zoo
Little Man and I will be doing something fun, gosh darnit!
2 of the 3.5 digital mounds of dirt rendered
1 more, but three versions of it
Ham, green beans, and crispy crowns for dinner tonight
Little Man’s menu
I haven’t slept an average of 3.5 hours of sleep a night without Wifey here
Lordy, am I tired
I still think REVENGE is the best name for a soft drink ever!
Open up a can of REVENGE
The secret ingredient is vengeance
Have a nice weekend everyone

Just a Recap

I do not have the energy to come up with a post today. I will leave you wanting more by just posting a recap.

You guys do want more, right? I am in the midst of an existential dilemma currently and do not wish to wallow in self misery via these here Intertubes

To recap:
Day 2 down, I just have to survive 3 more with Little Man solo
Yes, indeed, merely survive
Last night it rained
My eyes sang out with joy as the rain came down
I can breathe again
Even with my nose
It is truly awful when there is nothing you can do to comfort someone
And last night I felt completely and utterly powerless
I am semi-ambidextrous
Hyperbole is the funniest form of humor… EVER
The More Outrageously Random Alphabet of SRH continues tomorrow
Suggestions for letters is appreciated
I have to make a digital mound of dirt now
If I bottled a soft drink I would have to call it REVENGE
Because REVENGE is sweet
And REVENGE is best served cold
Man, I should be in marketing
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 42 - Feelings...

Originally I was going to have the topic for today be about the sense of touch due to the sensory nature of the past couple of Tuesdays, but I decided against it since most of the people in the list from which I request questions are gutter dwelling porn fiends (I am looking at you, Lord Pithy! And you, Dustin!). I changed the topic to Feelings instead (much to the chagrin of some).

Thanks this week go to the Snorks addict Lord Pithy, the blunt instrument of observation that is Nadolny, the locker-room humor naïf Bomber, the unfortunate porn addict Dustin, my long lost sibling Allrileyedup, and the gutter dwelling porn addict WVSlim.

1. Obligatory cage match question: Barry Manilow vs. Kenny G?
Kenny G, he could use his saxophone as a weapon. How could he not break Barry’s nose with the thing?

2. What stupid song has the line, "Be quiet, big boys don't cry"? I can hear it being whispered, but it's absolutely driving me insane.
This song is not what is driving you insane.

3. What is the acceptable time one can pout after having one's feelings hurt before one is considered self-indulgent?
It really depends on the offense and the pout affectation. Are you standing in front of them, arms crossed, tapping your foot, and sighing a little bit too loud? Because that has a very short window of appropriateness

4. Feelings?... WTH made you pick this topic?... One demerit to your GUY card!
I lost my GUY card a long long time ago.

5. If you feel up a tree in a forest, and no one’s around, does it make a sound?
If you listen really hard you can hear it whispering on the wind… “it is the body, it is not me…”

6. Do you think that discussing your feelings with a psychologist (other than wifey) would ever be a productive thing?
I do, I have, and it was. The problem with therapists is finding a good one that is not too effed in their own head. Many people who are in the mental health field are there to focus on others mental and emotional issues at the peril of their own (Freud anyone?).

Finding a therapist that works for you is a tiresome and annoying procedure. Their personality and yours have to be compatible and they have to have a theory of practice that works with your thought process (are they solution focused, whereas you are existential?)

7. Favorite feel-good movie?
Love Actually. See, no GUY card to speak of.

8. Do you spend energy trying to be considerate of the feelings of others? Not just those you love, but people who come and go during your day - coworkers, the dude at the gas station, etc.
I take efforts to be polite to those I come in contact with and may not ever see again, but I am not positive that it could be considered “considerate” of their collective feelings.

9. Quick - name a song that comes to mind with the word feel/feelings in the title or lyrics! (Other than the terrible and obvious song, "Feelings.")
More than a Feeling by Boston because I am all about the power ballad

10. Would you rather feel nauseated or so stressed you were made to sweat?
Nauseated to the point of sweating? That is pretty nauseated. Ummm… I will go with stressed.

11. Do you have any foods that qualify as "feel good" food (other than Cheese Cake since your dependency on that food item is well known to all)?
I am not proud of this in the slightest.

12. Can one really be "Hooked on-a Feeling"? Speaking of Hooked on a Feeling, who sings the best version of the song?
Psychological dependence is a scary thing. heroine users are all technically “hooked on a feeling.” So, in answer to part 1 of the question, “Yes.” Part 2 = the Hoff. ‘nuff said

13. Is it wrong to feel bad spending $400 on camping supplies?
It depends on if you mean camping equipment such as tents, backpacks, and sleeping bags, or if you mean camping supplies such as dehydrated food, bug repellent, and matches. The former: nope, very easy to rack up $400. The latter: ummm…. I question would question one’s purchasing practices unless a large scale camping trip is about to be undertaken

14. What is the best answer to the question "I don't feel so well?"
Maybe, you’ll tell me when you know?

15. Do you believe in psychic-type feelings?
Yes, I remember reading somewhere that people only use 10% of their brain. There is a boatload of grey matter that we don’t use that could lead to some of the more commonly held extra mental abilities.

16. I'm all out of questions. How does that make you feel to know you've stumped me?
Really good. Honestly, I will sleep better tonight for it.

17. When was the last time you cried?
I think I have blocked out that memory, because the last time I can think of was when I was like 9 years ago. I am sure it has happened since then. Do I get my GUY card back now?

18. What has Little Man's most outrageous outburst of feelings been?
The outburst that confuses Wifey and I the most is when he goes ape-shit because his decorative band-aid has come off.

19. What was the worst thing you did to hurt someone's feelings?
Told it like it is. Word.

20. Do you believe in intuition - gut feelings?
Yes, indubitably

To recap:
Day 1 down, I just have to survive 4 more with Little Man solo
Yes, merely “survive”
That was all I was tasked with
I slept fro crap last night
Probably will sleep for crap again tonight
It is the way of things
Sorry to break it to you, but the Magic 8 Ball isn’t really magic
Scissors or shears?
Little Man was ready to leave before I was this morning
WTF?
My headphones at work are from 1994
I think I might need some new ones
I don’t feel so well?
If you have any feeling questions, please feel free to ask them in the comments

4 Things

There are four things that I want to convey to you today.

Thing the first: Wifey is heading out of town for the week. She is getting trained in some sort of talk-fu so she can help facilitate difficult conversations in business environments. Her week is going to be nutso busy. The schedule of events that they sent her has her day starting at 8:30 and ending 13 hours later… every day of the training. Little Man and I will be living up the bachelor’s life this week. Living it up, I say. Actually, it will not be terribly bad until Thursday and Friday. That is about as much as his tolerance of just me will survive. It is late in the week when the Mimma cavalry will need to charge.

I think I will need to plan a bit better for this Wifey absence. Last time I really had not thought of a menu or gone grocery shopping. I need to spend some of my lunch hour today getting all my ducks in a row. It will run much smoother with me and Little Man if I have a game plan this time. I hate having to plan for this sort of stuff.

Thing the second: I am surprised by my lack of crispiness. The fam was not outside for terribly long yesterday (about 1.5 hours), but the sun I saw was an intense one. My forehead and thinning hairline should by all rights be beat red, and yet it is not. Miracles never cease.

Thing the third: The pecking order in Little Man’s world currently goes:
Number 1: Mimma
Number 2: Trains
Number 3: Papa
Number 4: Wifey

At least I am coming in at number 3 (ergo “Thing the third,” sometimes I do think these things out). Wifey and I switch positions fairly often. I imagine after Wifey being gone for a week and Little Man and I butting heads for a week, she will take the number 3 position from me Saturday morning.

As far as the number 2 position goes, for some unexplainable reason, trains still command his attention. He talks about them in his sleep, he reminds us of the trains we have seen recently in our daily conversations. If we are not talking about something he is interested in, he will start asking questions about trains. I imagine conversations between Wifey and I go something like this in his head.

Me: Blah blah blah boring boring boring not talking about trains blah boring blah boring blah BORING
Wifey: Gibber gibber gibber prattle prattle not talking about trains either flipperty flubbity gibber gibber
Little Man: Remember Norfolk Southern from last night? It was a short train! /insert insane 3.75 year old cackling laughter/ It a funny short train!

Sometimes this ploy at altering the course of conversation works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

His number 1 is Mimma. She has a hard time telling Little Man “No,” so she is clearly his favorite. I don’t want to make it seem like she doesn’t have other redeeming qualities that a 3.75 year old wouldn’t like, but I think the crux of her number 1 position is her lack of boundaries with him.

Thing the fourth: There is some sort of mental block going on right now with me and the checkbook. For some reason, I am just not wanting to put our receipts together in the check register. I am not sure what that is about, but it is becoming a problem. Right now, Wifey and I only have a vague notion of how much money we have at our beck and call, and for some reason I am just unwilling to discipline myself and work on the checkbook weekly. I need to get through that wall, whatever it may be.

To recap:
I also need to clean the bathroom again
It is a sty
I am off to the airport to drop off Wifey in about 1 minutes
I miss her already
I can’t believe the EPL season is over
20 Questions Tuesday: 42 – Feelings
Wow, this is a weak recap
Weak like “Don’t bring that weak ass game if you can’t play”
I will endeavor to have better recaps for the rest of the week
It is my mission

C: 3 of 26

In the ninth installment of the More and More Random Alphabet of SRH and This Here Blog, the letter C came up. That is right, the third letter of the English alphabet, C.

C: Big C, Little C, What Begins with C? Camel on the ceiling, C…, c…. C

I have a list of the words I want to write about for theis series, and I still have 3 blanks that I am trying to consider. C was a letter that never had a blank associated with it. For me the letter C stands for Cat.

I have always been a cat person. My dad is insanely bad relating to people, but cats flock to him like he is the crazy lady in the dilapidated house down the road that every neighborhood seems to have. Stray will flop in front of the man so he will rub their belly. He has stopped cat fights by bellowing “Hey” and the cats slink off in opposite directions like they were chastised by their authority figure. It really is something to behold. He hold sway over felines. “Sway,” I say “Sway!”

Anyway, Dad instilled into me a love for the creatures as well. I love cats, I always have loved cats and always will love the little beasties. Alas and alack we had to give away our three cats upon the diagnosis of Little Man’s asthma. It seems that, in general, asthma and cats are not a good mix. It also doesn’t help that Little Man had a virulent reaction to cats with his allergist’s tests as well.

I know, I know, many people say that their animals are their children. These people don’t have children. I love those cats dearly, but they had to go. I miss them greatly. They are wonderful little creatures. I have had 7 cats grace my life.

Sox: A cat who adopted my brother and I as her kittens. She was a black cat with white paws and a white bib. The most loving cat I have ever encountered. She was wonderful. Sox passed when I was in High School. She was a really good cat.

Boots: A cat who adopted my family and demanded attention. Sox was the first cat I met, but Boots is truly my first cat. He too was black with white paws and a white bib. He was a stray tom when he started hanging around the house. He and Sox tolerated each other, but they were never friends. Boots left me while I was in college. Ksig and I went and had drinks in his honor. Ksig still calls me out about that.

Mama Cat: A Siamese who decided to have her litter of kittens on our back porch without our permission. She was so cross-eyed that she could see the past and the future. Her 4 kittens were Ferrari, Spiderman, Snowflake, and Clyde. We gave all five of these cats away.

Geisel: Named after Dr Suess. We adopted him on the day the news reported that DR Suess had died, ergo the name. He was a short and squat tabby. Actually our exchange student Janne adopted him. This was not the brightest of cats. We think he has some hearing issues as well as sight issues. He was louder than a stampeding elephant and would regularly thump into door jambs as well. He left on night never to be heard from again. We aren’t really sure what happened, but with his hearing and sight issues…

Senor Don Gato: For short, Senor. He is an all black and currently living with my parents. He is a belly loving whore. He flops in front of most people asking for belly love. Doesn’t matter if he knows them or not. Wifey and I got him 4 days into our marriage.

Lenny: Senor’s litter mate. He is a “Russian blue” in his coloring and sheds like a mo’fo. He has not been in the house for 2.5 years and we are still finding his sheddings in the house. Lenny suffers from PTSD. He is hyper vigilant and rather skittish. Lenny and Senor are both reformed farm cats, so they were never really all that lap cattish. Or so we thought… My parents were wonderful enough to take them when the Dr advised us to get the cats out of the house. Turns out that we were holding Lenny and Senor back somehow. Dad, because he is the King of Cats, has transformed our non-lap sitters into lapcats, much to my parents’ chagrin. Now those 2 cats won’t leave mom and dad alone. They are thriving in that environment.

Charlie: Charlie is a brown tabby. She is a handful to say the least. We got her when we foolishly stepped foot into the local Cat Welfare shelter. He actually hugged Wifey when we took her out of her cage. She is a very loving little cat, and it broke our heart to give her away. We gave her to a co-worker, who in turn gave her to her sister. Word through the grapevine is that Charlie is doing okay.

I miss the cats. I miss how alive they make the house seem. Without the animals in the house, I notice just how un-occupied the house is when we come home.

On this somber note, I shall go to the recap.

To recap:
I miss the cats
Wifey doesn’t so much
She misses them just not as much as I do
I need some new pants
The next 2 cats I own will be named:
The Lizard King, and Captain Sisko
Not sure when that will be exactly
Maybe when Little Man opts for allergy shots
Little Man knows that he is allergic to dairy, eggs, treenuts and peanuts
We are proud of him for knowing that
It could just save his life
Wow, I am late in posting today
Have a great weekend everyone

Dale

I am not sure where it came from, but the house has an infestation of sorts. Sadly, there is no exterminator who can take care of this guest, it will have to resolve itself on its own. The new houseguest is a “persona” that my ever more fracturing child has assumed. Little Man’s new favorite alternate personal is Dale the Mouse. Take that Fluffy the Big Fat Yellow Kitty (Thing the Third)! Not only has Little Man chosen a new favored persona, he has also chosen one that is younger and not fat. That has to hurt. Yes, it looks like Little Man might be the 3.75 year old version of Donald Trump (without the toupee and, sadly, without the income). If he continues to trade down on age and size his next persona should be Felix the Mole, or Brandon the Grasshopper. Eventually, when he is 13 his persona might be Chet the Amoeba.

Dale’s best friend is the plastic owl Franklin, forever altering the predator/prey relationship between owl and mouse that I learned about watching Marlon Perkins on Wild Kingdom. Sure, sure he has added some things to the mix. Dale is an imaginary persona that manifests itself when there is Soya Kaas mozerella style soy-cheese around (couldn't find a link, or I would have linked. I am not lazy, just unresourceful). That might alter the whole “prey” characteristics. Oh, and Franklin is a plastic owl, so the predator is not quite biologically motivated as well.

Dale has taken to want Franklin the Owl to play with him and watch him do stuff. Franklin seems to take great delight in being pushed down a slide only to have his momentum arrested by an ill-tended flower bed. He also seems to like being kicked while sitting at the end of the slide that Little Man… err… Dale is planning to slide down. Dale also wants the owl to be present whilst he poops and, more disturbingly, he wants Franklin to watch him sleep. Since we are a co-sleeping family, it can be a bit eerie to wake up and see the unblinking plastic eyes of Franklin staring at you… judging you… telling you to pick up the kni… where was I? Oh yes, the redefinition of predator/prey relationship that one would think existed between a plastic owl and a cheese eating 3.75 year old boy’s persona.

It is a bit bizarre to see a little boy running around in the back yard squeaking like a mouse while carrying a plastic owl that is the size of his torso… a little bizarre indeed. Well it doesn’t truly bizarre until the owl flies down the slide to the insane cackling of the little boy.

To recap:
French Vanilla is not all that it is cracked up to be
Who likes Celtic Lions?

I do, that's who
The Celts did crazy things with tongues and tails
At least in their art
I cannot say from a personal standpoint
Orapred, you are on my shit list.
You aren't # 1 on it.
That belongs to Little Man's Asthma.
And actually #2 on the list is his food allergies.
But you're up there. Beware.
(And thanks for keeping us out of the hospital)

20 Questions Tuesday: 41 - Sound, part 2

Ah, the continuation of sounds mysteries. Thanks this week go to Dr B-Dawg, Wifey, and JW. Usually I attempt to write something pithy here as in introduction. No such luck today!

On to the questions:

1. Why do so many people insist that records have better quality than digital for music?
I think vinyl-philes feel that records are better because of the imperfections. If you ask them, they like the “pop” of the needle touching the record. They like the low hiss of the record where there is not supposed to be any sound. Basically it is nostalgia. No one who did not grow up with records think the sound quality of records is better.

2. There is a certain solemnity when putting on a record that I don't get. What is that about?
Again, this is a visceral reaction to people who grew up with records. There was an interactivity to the process of putting a record on the turn-table that is just not present with cd’s or other digital music. Hitting the play button or double clicking on a file is no where near as interactive as plcing the needle in the groove.

3. Have you ever heard a “who” or is that more due to Horton's superior sense of hearing?
I have heard “the Who” but never a “who.” I love me some Dr Suess but he really did try to shove his own personal political opinions on kids all the time. Why the anti-abortion establishment has not latched onto “Horton Hears a Who” is beyond me.

4. When was the last time that you and your co-workers broke out into a spontaneous song and dance of "Cleveland Rocks!"
3 Thursdays ago, but it was all for the irony of it, because everyone knows that Cleveland does not indeed rock.

5. What did you like to sing in the shower/car?
Shower: Nothing, don’t want to attract Little Man’s attention to the warm shower’s cocoon. He does enjoy opening the bathroom door and allowing the heat to escape.
The Car: Who Can it be Now, by Men at Work. This is Little Man’s favorite.

6. Besides the obvious spots, what part of your body makes the most noise?
My crackly knees.

7. Fingernails on a chalkboard - the ultimate grating sound. Anything else sound close?
Microphone feedback is pretty bad to me.

8. Why is it called sounding-off. I don't get it.
Initially it was how soldiers alerted command of who was still on the line, so I am not sure how the phrase came to mean when someone gave their unwanted opinion.

9. If a tree could scream would we still keep cutting them down?
Depends if they were always screaming*.

10. What sound do giraffes make? I'm just curious. Your child wants to know. meeerilapt

11. Why didn’t Lord Pithy ask you about “Tintinnabulum,” it is, like, his favorite word ever?
I was surprised I didn’t get a question about this as well. He is nothing if not predictable.

12. What's the last sound you'd like to hear before you die. (Not that I'm planning anything).
I am sorry your Wife had to go like that. Just kidding Wifey, as I am sure you were… I have my eye on you!

13. I find it interesting that changing one small word, even if it's a word in the same general category can completely change the meaning of something. For example, Nirvana's “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, would have been totally different if titled, “Sounds like Teen Spirit.” Likewise, the “Smell of Silence” isn't all that catchy. Yet we're simply interchanging to very similar words in the same general category (senses). Explain.
"The Smell of Silence" is a deadly, deadly title. The same can be said for any of the words in those titles. “Smells Like Adolescent Spirit”, “Smells Like Teen Verve”, “Smells the same as Teen Spirit”. None of those work either. Think of how many songs there could be out there that are great songs with crappy titles.

14. What sound creates Pavlovian salivation when you hear it?
Honestly they all have to be in context which removes the Pavlovian aspect of the sounds’ response.

15. What sound makes you want to gouge your eyes out?
An ex-co-op here at the workplace had the whiniest voice. I swear I wanted to just make that noise stop. Oh, and microphone feedback

16. “Blood curdling screams.” Can blood actually curdle?
Not that I know of. It can coagulate, but “curdling” implies “souring” and really blood never goes bad?

17. Which sound is worse to wake to? The unrelenting, piercing electronic wails of an alarm clock after 5 snoozes, or the sound of the garbage truck reminding you that you forgot to take out the trash, and have about 1 minute before you're stuck with a weeks worth of trash on top of the coming weeks
The alarm clock. I can always store the garbage outside to tick off the neighbors.

18. What's your favorite summer sound?
Crickets at night. For some reason I find this soothing.

19. Onomatopoeia, how cool a word is that?
As far as words go, it is up there with squad, pointy, shiny, and Ka-Plow

20. Is there a difference between train horns?
Okay, in my relative inexperience with trains (I am not a railfanner, Little Man is and I try to accommodate that) I have noticed that there are nuances associated with both the make and model of the train as well as the company. For example, there is a difference between the SD40-2’s and the AC4400’s. We rarely see the 4400’s. At the local crossing, Norfolk Southern is the primary rail service, but CSX has a rail there as well. It seems that the NS trains and the CSX trains have different horn sounding regulations. CSX just lays on the horn and doesn’t stop for a long time, while NS goes for a few short bursts. Oh, God! Kill me now….


To recap:
I know way too much about trains for not really liking them that much.
It is hectic here in SRH-ville
I need more PTO
And less orange rice
I am still rather sleep deprived
Not necessarily sleep depraved though
I need to exercise more and sleep more
Guess which one I will attempt to catch up on first
Here is a hint: It doesn’t involve an elliptical

*I wish I could claim that one, but it was an SNL Jack Handy quote.

2 Things

Three things:

Thing the first: It is Wifey’s birthday today, so if you have not already expressed birthday wishes to her, please do so now. She loves her some comments. That being said, if you leave her a birthday wish, leave a comment here as well, for I too love the comments. For her birthday Little Man got her a blender so she can make her “smoothbies.” I am not sure why the extra “b” is added, but it is, so you have to kind of deal with it and move on. He was very excited to get her a present for the birthday. So excited that he was chomping at the bit to drag his sick self (more on this later*) to “The Target Store” for the birthday present buying trip. He made me buy a purple motif-ed wrapping paper because he wanted to give her a “purple present.” He is particular like that. She really likes the new blender, and I am sure that many a smoothie will be constructed with it.

I got her a Japanese Steakhouse dinner, a night of shopping, and some kitchen shears used in making chopped salads more chopped salady-er. She has yet to use the shears, but enthused to do so. I am sure that salad will be on the menu this week. She got herself a present, but it has not come in as of yet, so I will not spoil any surprise there.

Thing the second: Or *later: Yes, Little Man is ailing again and therefore on the Orapred. On Thursday he was a bit snotty, Friday he was in the throws of a cold, and on Saturday is breathing went south. So, we are on Orapred again. It is not soooo bad as it has been because the dosage is relatively the same as when he was a 20 pounder. He has more than a 3 rd more body mass to spread the Orapred side effects around in. He is still ouchy and grouchy and quick to unhappiness, but he is not nearly as nutso as he was when the stuff really whacked him out of his mind. He will be riding the Orapred highs and lows until Thursday morning when it all comes crashing down.

Thing the third: I only have 2.

To recap:
Much sleep was lost Saturday
I am tired of giving breathing treatments
Little Man is really tired of getting them
Orapred tastes horrible
It is the aftertaste that gets you
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday is the continuation of Sound

N: 14 of 26

I usually have Wifey choose the random letter of the week (to ensure non-author bias of letters), but she is all meetinged up at the moment and cannot assist in my letter choosing. So I did the next best thing. I threw something at my keyboard from the walkway by my cube and went with the first letter that I had not yet done. Sure it took 5 tries to blindly hit the keyboard and not get / or ` (oddly I got % as well... I haven’t figured that one out yet). Today’s randomly selected letter of my 8 th installment to my Increasingly More Randomer Alphabet of SRH is the 14 th letter of our English alphabet, the letter N. So without further ado…

N: Big N, Little n, What begins with those? Nine new neckties and a nightshirt and a nose

It was pretty easy to choose my own personal N-word… Whoa! Wait a second. That did not come out right at all. Let me try this one again, the first thing that came to mind when I thought of words near and dear to me that start with the letter N was absolutely Nothing.

That’s right, dear readers, I shall again wax eloquent about nothing (I am down to “dear reader” now, aren’t I? Oh well, the show goes on).

The concept of nothing is a difficult one to talk about because, well, how does one describe the idea of absence? Because of that intrinsic difficulty nothing truly isn’t anything without, well, anything. One cannot directly describe nothing, one has to skirt the edges of nothing. You can only make inferences about nothing. Its description is implicitly defined. It is everything, something, and anything’s antonym. That is just how it is when you are dealing with nothing.

Why is nothing important to me? Well, the irony of it all… The irony of the lack of it all? Oh, Hell, even I am confused now, and I am writing this drivel. Truly nothing is interesting to me because of the simplicity of the idea and just how earth-shattering a concept it truly is. The idea is simple because even a 3.75 year old can grasp the concept.

Little Man, How many rocks are in the box?
Papa, you silly! None!

But it is also difficult, because, as I mentioned above, it is basically not explicitly definable. Truly its definition is a conundrum because when you give it definition, you give it substance, and when you give it substance, it loses its nothingness

The earth-shatteringness of the concept comes from its application. If one removed the concept of nothing from our world system, it would collapse under the extra weight of itself, because there would always have to be something… anything.

My love of the concept of nothing harkens back to when I was in college studying some of the history of math. Yes, yes, I know… History is already dry, Math History was something beyond arid. It was desiccated. It was beyond dehydrated. I don not wish the fate of a history of math class on anyone, but I digress. The interest in the class did not occur during monotone lecture during the class, or the mandatory slumber inducing reading outside of class, but when the ideas from the class re-hydrated later by beer.

Ah, beer induced mathematics and philosophy… In some ways I miss it and in others I am glad they are over. I love the semantics associated with nothing. I love the mathematical semantics as well as the grammatical semantics. Nothing defies most typical conventions. The conundrums associated with nothing is where I reside.

To recap:
Franklin the plastic owl is Little Man's good friend now
Little Man's favorite thing to do with Franklin is launch him down the slide
Or kick him off the slide
I am not sure I would want to be Little Man's good friend
Wifey can sleep through anything except Little Man's feet on her throat
Or sleep next to him, now that I think of it
I have been playing phone tag with a doctor's office
All I want is some allergy medicine!
Have a great weekend everyone

More information

I have found out that since starting this blog I have stopped emailing friends with actual information about my life. My emails now tend toward the annoying and obtuse. Why some of my emails are no more than me sending out the equivalent of a swimming pool “Marco” awaiting the inevitable “Polo” response from the deep end. The last email conversation I had with one arbitrarily hypothetical friend boiled down to:

Me: Meetings suck
Arbitrarily Hypothetical Friend: I know
Me: And how?
AHF: You know it.
Me: Uh-huh!
AHF: You Bet
Me: There weren’t even snacks
AHF: Poor thing
Me: You know it.
AHF: Uh-huh!
Me: You bet …

In effect I have allowed this blog to be the de facto information superhighway of the significant events in my life. I figure, why should I email them the events of my life, they are reading the blog, they know what’s going on with me, Wifey, and Little Man? I detail my entire life in meticulous detail with this online record of my existence. How could one feel they were left wanting when they have this glorious repast of “Under Construction” awaiting them for their greedy consumption? “How?” I ask you, “How?”

Then I read through a bunch of my posts yesterday and realized something. Other than being narcissistic and taking great satisfaction in reading my own “work” I realized that those poor friends of mine whom I thought were getting all this information about my life were really just getting glimpses into my disturbed mind. Then I realized that I was thirsty, but that is beside the point. The point is, I owe some long expository emails to these friends of mine letting them know some more of the nitty gritty details that I purposefully omit in my posts. I don’t want to give my Internet stalkers any more information than necessary. Don’t get me wrong, the info is out there, I just want the stalkers to work for it. They will be more satisfied that way. So much more satisfied.

Of the almost 525 posts I have made most have such inconsequential merit, that really they are not worth mentioning. This post included. I guess I owe some folk some emails beyond the typical “Oooh! Free work pizza” emails they typically receive.

To recap:
I write a shit ton that has not one lick of consequence
Not sure what Little Man and I will partake of for dinner tonight
I am sure it won’t be good for me
“Oooh! Free work pizza” should be translated in the second person imperative sense
Makes me seem more badass
Saving poor pizzas from fascist gulags
I could do with some free pizza at the moment
I guess some crackers will have to do

20 Questions Tuesday: 40 - Sound, part 1

Today’s 20 Questions is all about sound. I figured that it was time to go through the senses. Next week will be about sound part 2 because I got a boat load of questions that need answered from my fine bevy of folk asking questions. I still need a few more for next week, so if anyone wants to step up to the plate, go ahead.

Today’s questions come from ACW, Lord Pithy, Dustin, Dr Clean, and Belsum for your questions. Dr B-Dawg, Wifey, and Jay, I will answer yours next week. Thanks guys, you guys make the blog better.

On to the questions:

1. Can we travel the speed of sound in water? Is there a "speed of sound" in thin atmospheres - like the moon?
Part 1: We have not been able to generate a vehicle that can travel the speed of sound in water. In salt water the speed of sound is even higher so it is even more unlikely to break that barrier as well. (For the actual speeds see Question 3)

Part 2: The issue with thin atmospheres is that sound does not travel far, so it has relatively no speed. In all practical sense there is not any sound in extremely thin atmospheres.

2. What is the speed of sound in water?
Fresh water: 1498 m/s, 3351 mph, Mach 4.5+
Salt water: 1531 m/s, 3425 mph, Mach 4.6+
Assuming near sea level at a constant temperature.

3. What do the voices in your head sound like?
Alvin and the Chipmunks. In my head Theodore is a jerk.

4. Worst sound to hear at 3:30 a.m.
Your kid fall out of bed. Sure this happened at 9:53 last night, but I assume it would sound just as bad at 3:30am.

5. How did Ping-Pong get its name when the sound is clearly Thtock-Thtack?
I have no idea. This really is a conundrum that I had not even remotely thought of before. Before your question I felt that “ping-pong” was a perfectly apt name, but now I find it hard to hear and distasteful to my delicate ears.

6. Best sound: rain falling on a tin roof at night, or: "Time for dinner." Which sound do you find more comforting, rain on a window pane or bacon frying in a pan?
Put them all together and you have heaven.

7. If chocolate were an animal, what sound would it make when wounded?
The sound of stampeding chocoholics. Yes, chocoholics stampede.

8. If a groom-to-be has nightmares about stuffing wedding invitations and whimpers in his sleep and the bride to be hears is, does she smile and chuckle maniacally to herself?
Yes, yes she does. She also uses it against your wussy self later.

9. What is the current ring tone on your cell phone?
It is called “ascending” but not “ass-ending.”

10. What does a Yeti's mating call sound like?
It burns the ears. It burns, it does.

11. When I was little, I'd try and imitate sounds I heard around me (birds, dogs, the ice cream truck, etc.), does Little Man do this?
All the time. He usually begins his imitations with {item} says: and then the sound (with a “long a” not a “short a”, much more of a “sais” than a “says”)
For example: Train sais eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

12. What is the sound of one hand clapping?
**Slap!** (or if you arte an old skool Chappelle fan, "Slap BISH!")

13. 12" Powered Subwoofer...necessary or just a guy thing?
Women tend to not need to feel the explosions associated with action movies, so I would have to say, “Yup, that is a cool as hell thing that only guys care about.” That being said, this was a gross overgeneralization. I am sure there is an audiophile female out there (audiophilly?) out there that needs to feel the sonic thump.

14. If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there, does it still make a sound? Yes, just because no one is there to experience it does not mean it does not happen. For instance did I have the capacity for a romantic relationship in high school? Yes. Did anyone experience that capacity? No… great now I’m gonna cry…

15. When folks talk about a strange food (snake, croc, etc...) they often say "It tastes like Chicken." Is there a similar quote for sound?
I could not find one. I think it is due to our generalization of tastes and how there really is a finite set of tastes since there is a finite amount of taste receptors on the tongue. Sounds are infinite due to the nature of wavelength and amplitude and stuff.

16. If the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, what starts with a single sound?
A symphony

17. Why is a “sound” also a body of water?
It comes from and Olde English word, “sund” meaning “to swim,” and has nothing to do with the independently derived auditory definitions which hale from the Latin word “sonus.”

18. What classic sci-fi sound do you randomly hear most often in your every day life?
The men’s bathroom downstairs on the other side of the building thrums like the ambient noise in the on station shots for DS-9. Co-worker trekkies, can you back me up on this one?

19. Tone vs Pitch: Can you hear the difference?
At one point I could, now I have difficulty separating silence from noise…. SHUT IT, THEODORE! YOU ARE SUCK A JERK!!!!Editted 12-21-2007: Better version since so many people are coming here for the pic of Theodore.

20. Sound as a pound. What else is sound?
The sleep of a 3.5 year old when you need then awake. Some people’s reasoning is sound. It is difficult to come up with examples because I can always think of exceptions.

Sound as a pound, not like a dollar.


To recap:
The allergies are acting up again
Time to get prescription strength allergy medicine now
Little Man was reacting to something last night and we have no idea what
He had to take the dreaded “pink medicine” or as we refer to it Benadryl
He hates that stuff
But it does make him feel better
He fell out of bed last night
It was scary and took some unconscious effort on his part
I hurts to think that The Chipmunks were based on the theories of Freud
If Dave had had a girl-friend, I am sure that Alvin, Simon, and Theodore would have offed him in his sleep and started dry humping his girlfriend’s leg
Does the above statement make me a bad person?