Novelty Posting

Okay, so today I am going to bow to my betters.

Today is all about linking to more sarcastic folk than I am.

Firstly, Weight Watchers has been around for a while, and they really do have a better menu now.

The best part about the Internet, is the wealth of useless and limitless information. Case in point: "The Book of Ratings." This is an amusing sight that rates pretty much anytyhing and everything. I suggest finding the post about the Superfriends.

Speaking of Superfrineds Enjoy ... Might not want to look at this one whilst at work.

Finally, a blog that made me want to blog for myself. This blog belongs to Dusty Scott (sure that seems like it is a soap opera name, but one can not hold that against him). This post is the best post known to man. Ever.

make sure you look at the "next entry" button, for even more covers.

Maybe tomorrow I will be inspired to actually write something for myself.

Time

Right off the bat, I want to let everyone out there in cyber land know that I have good clean teeth.

But on to matters of more import.

Time is a relative thing, but no matter how relative our sensations of the passage of time, things take time to get done. I do not know how to emphasize this enough to some of the knuckleheads that I have to work with. It has come to my attention, yet again that people managing projects think that the work we do magically takes no time. It takes time to convert files from what we use and print from, to what they can view and print out. It takes time to convert paper scaled maps to be ready for viewing on the web. Sometimes it take an inordinate amount of time to change the color of some text. The file sizes that we use are ginormous because the density of data associated with our tasks at hand are typically rather, err..., well..., dense.

Sometimes we run up against actual physical production time limits. Say some one wants 200 copies of 14 graphics. We have a printer that can spit color pages out at a rate of 11 per minute. After we get the file into the printer, that comes out to about 4 hours 15 minutes of physical printing time (if we don't slow things down went changing toner, toner refuse bins, paper, fusers, etc...) with no complications at all. Typically, the job requires some sort o presentation of those graphics in a format more orderly than loose sheets of paper, so let's say that the graphics need to be inserted into a larger text document and then spiral bound. It takes around 20 minutes per binding. So after the graphics have been printed we are still looking at an additional 4 hours and 40 minutes of collating and binding time. Just for production alone, we are at 8 hrs and 55 min, more than one full work day. Typically, each graphic takes about 15 minutes to open and get stored into the printer for final production, so that adds another 3 1/2 hours to just the production time. These are constant time sinks. Actual graphic edits take varying amounts of time on top of this 11 1/2 hours of production time for something as simple as a 200 copies of a report with 14 color pages.

Every time I explain this to a PM, they are always surprised at the actual amount of time it takes to finish things off in production, even after they have been finished pre-production. Sadly, this has been explained multiple times to a handful of PM's (I'm looking your direction, Asshat!)

Oh, well, enough of my ranting. My week is almost done.

My dentist is a needy needy black hole of need

My dentist is a great dentist, I just think they are a bit overzealous or something.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon; they made me schedule this appointment 6 months ago. Just like they make me do every time I go to the dentist. About 3 weeks ago, they called to see if I could drop in to do an appointment because the dentist had an opening. Number 1: Who drops in for a dental appointment? Ooh, ooh can I poke the sleeping bear with the pointy stick, can I? and Number 2: Is the dentist really the person that spends the most time with me during my dental visit? I see the actual dentist for, at most, 5 minutes. Let's be clear, the dental hygienist is the one who's schedule needs an opening. They are the ones who scrape and poke and prod your teeth, use the whirring tooth polisher with its gritty foul tasting glop. They are the people who focus on you for around 30 minutes. The dentist, unless you are getting a filling, looks at your mouth and says, "Yep, still got teeth." or "Ooh, gonna have to make an appointment for me to do some painful things to your mouth."

So, I did not take them up on their offer of an early detal exam. So, yesterday they left a message on the house's voicemail asking me to call and let them know that I am coming to me appointment

"me appointment?" Good Lord, I stop paying direct attention for a second and I start typing like I am a pirate. What the hell I will go with it

on the morrow, arrrgh. I says to me woman, I's do, "Arrgh, Woman! Why's do tha scurvy bastards at the teethery needs me to call them for a meetin' they mades me set up a summer ago? I understands if they be callin' me to reminds them that I gots the appointment, but whys do they be needin' me to call'em back.?" oh yeah "Arrgh!"

Okay enough of the pirate.

Anyway... On top of that, they want me to bring in a listing of all medications that I am currently one. (I will use the numbering system again; it seems to be an effective form of showing my incredulity) Number 1: The list is too long and too varied to bring in. It would take forever and a day for me to compile the list of legal and illegal substances coursing through my veins at the moment. Or maybe I could all 2 of them down and give it to them which leads me to... Number 2: What the Hell does my dentist need to know about my medications? It is none of my dentist's business if I am taking medications, how does this affect tooth decay? Focus on the teeth dental person.

I am fairly certain that we will have a message from the dentist's office again on the home voicemail. They seem to call us a whole bunch. Maybe they are lonely.

Update about Wheezy McAsthma

Little Man is doing better today. He seems to still have a little bit of congestion going on, but his breathing was not as audible this morning. I think he is probably getting a cold, we are just hoping that it won't progress this time. We have been diligently giving him his preventative meds, so we are hoping that they are going to do the trick and keep him from going all asthmatic.

So, little one is doing ok, but work is a different matter all together. We are on version 1.4 of the map that I got to draft form early this morning. I have crossed my fingers and sent the most recent version to the PM for his use. The data that I was given to work with was enigmatic at best, absolutely baffling more than not. Something like 38 layers of information, and none of them with any sort of information about what data was contained on any of the 38 layers. Absolutely tiresome. Back to work for me though.

Disharmonic convergence

So I am at work really late, or really early, pending on how one looks at it. There are 2 causes to my being at work at 1:20 in the morning on this cold Tuesday morning. It could only be the planets aligning to completely screw me for this to be where I am at the moment.

Firstly: One of those "Is there anyway you can make a map in a day?" requests crossed my desk around 9 am yesterday. The person in question is a middle man, of course. The project manager did not ask directly for me to spend an inordinate amount of time working on a map for a report that was supposed to go out later that day. That being said... when said PM is the head of your division and your boss's boss, you really have no option but to say, "Sure that should not be a problem. The sooner you can get me the data for me to start working the better." Workspeak for "Thank you, may I have another." The data in question does not show up until 11:25 am, whilst I was at lunch. Hey, a guy's gotta eat. Feverish work ensues.

The deadline is pushed back to Tuesday morning, through no mis-action on my part. So I decide that I will go home at a reasonable hour so I can play with my boy, and just get up stupid early to finish off the task at hand. My little one is riding high on a full 8 days of finally feeling well after about 6 weeks of ailments ranging from diarrhea to some kind of stomach fluish thing. This is foreshadowing for those of you not paying close attention, and it leads me to...

Secondly: While the little one is playing, right before taking his bath, the wife and I notice that little man is sounding a little bit raspy in his breathing. With a child with asthma, this is not a good sign of things to come. So we bathe the little one and then give him a breathing treatment right before we put him to bed. I run into work to finish the map, so in case Wheezy McAsthma needs to go to the E.R. tomorrow, I can take him without worrying about that stupid map for my boss's boss with time management issues (did the report sneak up on them? I think not).

I have completed a good first draft of the map, and now I am about to head home to my potentially sick little boy. I hope that it is just some congestion, but I am really worried that It is going to be worse than that. He's had 8 days of feeling good, what was I expecting? Wellness for 2 weeks? I was sooo foolish.

Hey, where's the white death?

Firstly: My wife wanted me to mention to all that I have changed the setting to allow anyone to post a reply to this blog. It was a setting buried deep within the blog's settings that I did not know about when I first set this thing up. So, now, if you want to post a reply, you do not have to be a member of "Blogger" to do so. Of course, if you are working for the same people that I am working for, you will not be able to reply at all due to our surf Nazi program. For some reason it equates posting a response to going into a "chat channel." Whatever, I don't want hear what you people say anyway.

Secondly: On to today's topic...

It seems that the weather models predicted way more snow here than actually landed. We were warned about 17 feet of snow with polar bears and yetis attacking people who ventured outside, but we got 4 inches of snow over the course of 48 hours instead. Oh well, I was getting geared up for taking on a yeti. One of these days I will wear a yeti as a coat. Oh yes, I will wear a yeti as a coat. A warm coat of yeti fur will be my protection from the elements. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. Maybe the next computer predicted snowstorm will actually produce yetis for the slaying. Oh well...

So we dodged the white death one more time. Even though we dodged the snow that just beat the crap out of the Northeast, most of the schools around here are either closed today or delayed in their start. I assume it is due to the cold temperatures, because the roads are fairly clear and pretty much ice free. Or are teachers just not that hearty? Granted they do have a job that is the equivalent of herding cats, but their work year is 1/4 th shorter than other professionals. The shortened time frame, should make up for the constant head ache of dealing with children. Then again, it could just be that the principals don't like getting up in cold cold winter mornings. I say, "Suck it up, Buttercup, no one likes getting up on cold cold mornings."

Okay enough bitterness from me, I have work that needs to get done anyway.

Shake it up

I just thought that I would shake up the formatting in a minor rather superficial way. It is fresh it is new it is just a tad different from the other color scheme.

Just been working hard today getting small stuff done. A little of Project A, a mote of Project B, an ort of Project C, a mite of Project D, skipping Project E, and a heaping hearty healthy portion of Project F. It pays the bills. I have gotten a little bit of flack from co-workers about not having this up-dated earlier in the day, but, I have been working for my job, so I don't really feel I need to explain further. Most of them have been buried today as well. That and I like being a wanted commodity. I cannot believe so many people are interested in my insipid musings. It really is quite flattering, as long as the interest is not in that "sociological experiment" kind of way.

Turns out that the white death will be upon us again. The forecasters are predicting something like 17 feet of snow with 6 inches of ice spikes sticking out of the ground for clumsy winter walkers to impale themselves on. What is funny is that the forecasters really do not forecast like they used to. It used to be a seat of the pants educated judgment made by the highly trained individual by observing current and recent conditions. They made their predictions form that. Now it is all computer modeled simulations. They look at the simulation and make their "predictions." What we see on TV is more of a play-by-play of the simulations. I am not saying that meteorologists are not highly trained and educated individuals. My masters degree program was closely associated with an atmospheric sciences curriculum. Very intelligent people, very intelligent indeed. That being said, the people on TV are typically not the cream of the crop. The creme de la creme are working for NOAA, NWS, or in research universities staying behind the scenes making the modeling software that the TV guys use.

So, due to the impending blizzard conditions, I am going to be going to the store to get water, bread, canned goods, frozen food, and other staples for survival. I want to be well fed when the white apocalypse lays waste to Central Ohio. I will need to be at my best to drive back the throngs of near death, starving, frozen denizens of the Columbus Ice Sheet. I am fairly sure we are gearing up for another epoch of continental glaciations.

Sometimes I wish I had an exciting life

This blog would be much more memorable if I had an exciting life, but I do not. It would be much easier to come up with topics if something other than everyday things happened to me on a regular basis. But everyday stuff is all I have so here goes....

So far, the elves are taking a break today in their incessant digging operations in my forehead, so hopefully I can concentrate a bit more coherently today. That is, of course, assuming that my lack of recent concentration ability is a direct result of the Faerie excavation crews lodged in my skull. Either they are conducting a psychological experiment or an archeological dig, but I have yet to figure out which. With this lull in Elvin activity, one would think that I might be able to produce a cogent thought, but one would be wrong. Today I have nothing. Absolutely nothing, zip, zilch, nada, rien, bumpkiss, the big goose egg, zero, nichts, zilch, oh wait I already did "zilch," hmmmm okay I am out of these synonyms...

The most interesting thing from yesterday was a nearly fruitless search for a lid for left-overs. It is amazing how we can retain almost every container, and yet almost all of the lids have uprooted and left. Well, they make cling wrap for a reason, and oddly enough, it is not for insulation, but that is a different story. I am sure the lids are somewhere playing cards with all my missing sock pairs.

Turns out, as I was corrected by a friend, that the Mennonite Consortium is not intimidating the Quakers. Actually (as they call themselves) the "Religious Society of Friends" are pretty much as badass as one can be and still claim to be pacifists. They are not afraid to put the full might of their non-violent ways to bear on the Mennonites, and those Chin-Beards are a bit scared by the prospect of a "Friendly Circle of Ass-kicking." Thanks for the correction. I am a big enough person to admit when I am wrong.

Splitting headache

Have you ever had one of those headaches that feel like tiny elves are trying to break out of your skull using dull and inappropriate digging equipment? Well, that is the headache that I am dealing with at the moment. Having the Elvin headache has really bit into my ability to effectively work at my job. Stupid tiny elves and their tiny inane digging implements.

Speaking of mythical creatures, the 7 dwarves in particular, how much better would life be if we all had names that derived from our actions a la Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, etc... I could see job interviews being much quicker, as Bossy weeds through resumes from Lazy, Slothful, Greedy, Over-Rated, and Inappropriate. I am sure he would focus instead on Industrious, Innovative, Effective, and Kiss-Up. With this naming convention, I am fairly sure that Asshat would not have gotten very far. All in all I think I would get tired of being known as Caustic though, so maybe it is not a good idea, but being known as Caustic would be better than Farty.

So today's post seemed to derail before it even got started. Well, that is the way of nasty headaches caused by excavating elves.

As an up-date, the little one is doing much better today, as well as doing pretty well yesterday. Now all he has to do is gain back some of the weight that he lost during the illness that most people called December.

On another note, so far the Mennonite Consortium has not put a hit out on me yet, and I stress the word "yet." I am sure that soon enough I will have some chin bearded assassin tailing me home from work. Well, let me just say that I am on to you Hezekiah, so you and Jebediah need to just back off. I am sure that the Mennonites are unhappy about my outing them as the bad boys of outside the main stream Christian sects. Lets just say that the Quakers are quaking for good reason. I think I might have said too much now.

MLK Day

For some this is a holiday, for others, like myself, it is a Monday. I so do not want to be at work today, but work does pay the bills, and bills need to be paid. This day means so little to most people. It is a day to not go to work, to school, to where ever.

Funny enough, in the not so funny "hmmm" sort of way, MLK Jr's birthday oddly occurs on the same day as Robert E. Lee. I know in Alabama there was a constant "joke," if it can be called that, surrounding the idea that in actuality MLK Day was an excuse to celebrate Robert E. Lee's birthday. But we all know how big of a cultural behemoth and intellectual giant everyone considers Alabama. They may, and I stress may, be thought of more highly than Mississippi, but that is about it.

Oooh, I probably made Alabamians mad again. Oh well. Luckily most Alabamians are afraid of leaving the state, so I do not have to worry about any sort of retaliation. That, and they would need to be Internet capable to see this blight on their state's good name. Making fun of Alabama in a web-blog, is about as dangerous as making fun of the Amish. They are never going to know that they were made fun of. That being said... trust me, you can make fun of the Amish, just be careful about those Mennonite sons of bitches. They are some nasty mf's. They feel just fine throwing down their "vengeance from God" arbitrarily and capriciously. And if one were to give them reason, let's just say it would not be pretty.

Oh well, my company is not paying me to be here to whine about being here, they are paying me to act like I am working on a project. So, off I go to act like I am working.

Making up hours

It is Saturday afternoon, and what am I doing? Well, I am at work doing some stuff for a public involvement meeting that has been consistently been postponed. I have some time that I have to make up for doctor's appointments for my little boy. Did I mention that rotavirus poo smells horrid? And, no, I am not "making up the hours" in the context of fabricating hours to dress up my timesheet. The little one's doctor's appointment and I also need to start getting in some extra hours. The 500+ dollars I just spent on car repairs is a kick in the crotch financially. Overtime would be a good thing. Luckily, I only have 2 more hours to go.

At least this gives me some time to clean off my desk, and organize the mess that is my office/cube/workspace. Oh well, Back to the grind.

Off Topic

Got nothing today, but I figured I could blather on about something.

Number 1: I don't usually have an opinion about the royals but wtf?!? Harry, Harry, Harry. I hope your handler got sacked for letting you attend that party in an Afrika Corps uniform. For the love of God and all that is holy, did no one ever sit you down and talk to you about the application of common sense? All you have to do is not something stupid, and yet you seem to mess that up all too frequently.

Hey, royal wranglers, don't let that child go out anymore. Turn one of the lesser country estates into a big night club, import some partiers, and let Harry party there. Get him as many loose British rave chicks as he wants, some "x" if he wants it, marijuana, beer, liquor, etc... and take some control of where and how this child behaves. You cannot keep him from partying, just take control of the parties. Give the kid his excesses, just keep him from doing his stupid stuff in uncontrolled environments.

Number 2: ro·ta·vi·rus (rO-tah-vI-rus)n. pl. ro·ta·vi·rus·es : Any of a group of wheel-shaped RNA viruses of the family Reoviridae, including the human gastroenteritis viruses that cause infant diarrhea. Also called gastroenteritis virus type B.

That is what the doctor seems to think the little one has had since 12-27-04. Says that it lasts anywhere from 5 days to 3 weeks. Well, we are on 2 1/2 weeks, so here's to hoping it is coming to an end. Little man has been vomiting every night between the hours of 11pm and 4 am for 2 1/2 weeks as well as having some nasty ass poo during the days. Sent some poop out for tests, and most likely the lab will be able to tell us what the big man just got over. Here's to hoping.

Number 3: Why can't we just let sleeping cheese lie? Okay, for the last time. I do not dislike cheese, I dislike the over usage of cheese in the US. Too much of anything is bad, this applies to cheese as well.

Number 4: Got Milk? I hate the fact that the American Dairy Council has somehow talked non-Caucasians into doing their ad campaign. Caucasians have a mutated gene that allows them to ingest cow's milk and process lactose. Everyone else in the world has difficulty with cow's milk. As adults, many Caucasians cannot effectively digest lactose as well. The dairy industry is subsidized by the US government and therefore milk and cheese is made into a mandatory food stuff in the US.

Since my little boy is allergic to dairy, I have had time to think about the whole concept of using a cow as a wet nurse. Humans should not suckle off the teat of another animal. I will continue drinking my soy milk, thank you very much. I have found it amazing just how pervasive dairy products are within the US diet. Dairy byproducts such as whey and caisin are additives found in a whole heckuva lot of food products. It is absolutely mind numbing what one can find out about food, just by reading the ingredients listings. I am positive that most of the dairy byproducts found in foods are there because of the government subsidation of the dairy industry.

Stupid dairy.

Mixed reviews

It has come to my attention that my "Cheese Post" has had a polarizing effect on my readership. Some people love cheese and all things cheesy, and others find the amount of cheese use in the US to be, in fact, over use. I have gotten into many a conversation since the 11th about cheese with various readers of this blog. The split is about 50% for and against my take on cheese consumption in the US. Whether you agree with me or not, at least you are talking avidly and openly about cheese.

I have done what I was hoping for; a more open dialog about the cheese situation in these United States of America. I don't profess to have the answers to humankind’s cheese woes, I just am a single person spouting off my singular cheese opinion. I hope that at dinner tables across my varied and diverse readership cheese conversations are popping up. "Can you believe the 'Under Construction' on the 11th? I cannot believe that that silly bastard doesn't like cheese on every thing...." or "Huzzah and kudos to 'Under Construction' for so eloquently arguing against the over consumption of and over reliance on cheese in the US..." Either conversation gets the ball rolling, and that is what is important.

Communication of ideas and opinions is the only way we, as a people, will ever truly understand each other. Some people's ideas regarding smoked Gouda on a 9 grain bread with roasted turkey breast and bacon don't match what other people think about the same exact sandwich. the only way these people will ever be able to reconcile their differences is to talk about them.

So, I commend you, my readership, for having your frank open dialog regarding cheese. This is the way that understanding is achieved, through communication. Communication about cheese.

No rest for the wicked

I never truly thought that I was wicked, but it turns out that I most likely am. I come to this conclusion due to my inherent lack of rest. Since, "There is no rest for the wicked" and since I do not feel rested, by the transitive property, am I therefore wicked.

Clearly this is a logical leap, since, most assuredly, the populations of un-rested and wicked are not mutually exclusive. There are people out there who have not rested for a long long time and are not considered to be wicked, but by the definition stated above, if I am indeed wicked, I am un-rested. So, I am just playing the odds.

Since I unabashedly choose funny over nice, I do not think that I can say that I am truly a nice person. I can live with that. Years of therapy have allowed me to accept the fact that I will choose funny over nice, and years of choosing funny over nice has effectively surrounded me with people who in some way, shape, or form support that trend in my personality. So, if in fact I am not nice, I could be wicked.

But to call myself truly wicked would be a bit off the mark as well. I have never kicked a kitten in the rain, and there have been opportunities to do so (It would not have been that funny). A truly wicked person would have booted kitty into a puddle in the middle of a thunderstorm. I guess this gets down to the idea of people either being wicked or not being wicked. It is a bivariate argument, and I am tacitly against bivariate logic.

So the more I explore this idea of wicked = un-rested, the more I realize that this saying is a bivariate statement. If one is rested, one cannot be wicked, because all wicked have no rest. Bivariate sucks. It is a purely western philosophy issue. Bivariateness stems directly from Greek and Roman systems of thinking. Yes or No, Black or White, This or That. Why can't I be somewhat wicked and therefore somewhat un-rested? Put that in your thinking pipe and smoke it, Procrates.

So, what I am getting at is that multivariate systems of logic are much more true to life than bivariate systems of logic and choice. The more choices one has, the closer the approximation to reality, the more refined the system. Lets say that my choices are now wicked, somewhat wicked, and not wicked. Being somewhat wicked gives me the distinct possibility of actually having achieved some rest, whereas being wicked does not afford me that luxury. I can live with that. Simply adding a third choice has made this system of choice a better system.

So, in conclusion, the 2 party electoral system sucks, we need more candidates to vote for so we are not just voting for a team name, but for the ideology behind the candidate.

Saaaaaay Cheese

Cheese is the crutch of most mediocre cooking. Don't have enough flavor, throw some cheese on it. I truly believe that cheese is the miracle ingredient that un-imaginative cooks consistently rely on. Cheese will make it better, I am sure of it. I will put a cheese topping on this casserole. Why?!?!? A good meal should not have to involve cheese, but in the US cheese seems to be a necessity of every freaking meal. And not good cheeses, either, usually crappy-assed American cheese. Because we, as Americans, have to support our cheese, even though it is crappy-ass-tastin-licious. The worst offender of the "It has to have cheese on it to be an entree" mentality is Everybody's favorite neighbor Applebee’s. The will melt cheese on steak! Steak! Do you hear me? Steak!

Now, don't go thinking that I do not condone the judicious use of cheese. I do not want the US Dairy Council Illuminati to be stuffing a sock in my mouth while I sleep and abducting me to their secret cheese torture facility in Kenosha, Wis. Although, I am afraid that I know too much already. I think that cheese is a very good food stuff, it just should not be on everything. Every pre-packed kids lunch in the grocery store has cheese in it. Most frozen dinners, cheese. Cheese has its place at the table. Some pastas require cheese, but please use Parmesan Oregiano, not Kraft Parmesan cheese from the green canister. Or use a good provolone, asiago, Gouda, something other than Swiss or American.

On a side note, anyone who says they like goat cheese is lying. They just want you to eat so they don't feel so silly for eating it themselves. "This is the best goat cheese I have ever had," is not a ringing endorsement. "This is the least smelly dog-shit I have ever stepped in." It is all relativity, baby "I am the coolest of all my friends," still not saying much.

Back to the matter at hand... Caesar salad requires cheese. Philly Cheesesteak sandwich requires cheese. Pizza requires cheese. Breakfast, however, does not require cheese. But, Sweet God Almighty, don't ask wait staff to not put cheese on something. The looks I get from waiters and waitresses when I ask for stuff without cheese.

"Really, sir, 'no cheese.'"
"Yes, no cheese."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"No, Really?"
"Yes."

And, it is even worse today, due to the low-carb insanity. Carbs are filler, and now cheese is as well.

Kraft singles ain't cheese. Kraft singles is at best cheese flavored grease with a threshold for an acceptable amount of insect pieces. Squeeze cheese, ain't cheese. (God, I hope no one tries to argue that one.) Cheese should just not be "squeezable." Even people who like it know that spray cheese ain't cheese. And don't even get me started about Velveta. That is some mysterious stuff. "It's really easy to melt." Well, so are candles, but I don't try to make people eat them.

and finally, even worse, ... I do not want your artificial curdled milk product ruining my meal, so, please, Wendy's, leave off the cheese sauce (worse than cheese by far). Why do your mushrooms have to come with hideous "cheddar" cheese sauce? I would rather eat my tortilla chips plain, than that glop they throw next to it that they call "nacho cheese" at sporting events.

Stupid cheese

Alive, but not yet kicking

I am sure the kicking will come soon. It is amazing how much work piles up when you are out of the office for a planned vacation, and it is absolutely stunning how much work is piled up when you are out sick. I am completely buried. Job security, gotta love it.

It is also amazing how much of this workload is un-necessarily late getting to me. I guess it is not something that needs to be worked on until it is 2 weeks late. Thanks guys. I guess I will chalk this up to the French saying "Plusque change, plusque la meme chose." The more things change, the more they stay the same. I do not know how many times I have railed against getting work at the last possible instant; I will constantly get work at the last possible instant. Another French saying comes to mind "C'est la vie."

On another note... That was one nasty French Dip Sandwich I had. The restaurant that we were at was one of them there all American restaurants, where the average age of the patron was hovering around 98. Keeping that in mind, I am surprised that it was not called a "Freedom Dip Sandwich." All in all, I thought it tasted fairly good, but it did quite the number on my alimentary canal. At least I can say that I am clean as a whistle.

I guess that sandwich has me thinking all French-like.

Dead to the world

It has been a wild past 3 days. "Wild" is defined as "oh, God I am going to shrivel up and die ‘cause I am soooo sick."

It absolutely has to be food poisoning. Imodium works all the time on normal bugs. It did not even put a dent into this illness. I went through my 24 hour max dosage in 20 minutes 3 days in a row. That just ain't right.

Oddly enough, even though I have only eaten 1 meal in 3 days I am not even remotely hungry. I have been drinking Gatorade like it is going out of style, and I think it might be, but so far my one foray into solid food was a big big big mistake. I think it put me back about 24 hours in my recovery. I am sick, I am exhausted, I have not accrued very much PTO, I am in Hell. On a side note, I am on the poop every 20 minutes weight loss program.

It's about time... on the Ranch

Oddly enough, there is no difference today than there really was on Friday. All that is really different is now I have to be vigilant about using "05" on dates. Time is an unbroken continuum; we segment it into little quantifiable units for the ease of our use. What is a second, a minute, and hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century, etc... Those are human constructs to help us understand the passage of time. Time is all relative and our perceptions of it differ from person to person. Time is a very personal thing. For me, the day might be dragging by at a snail's pace, but for someone else, it could be flying by. Both perceptions are correct. I guess, in a convoluted sort of way, I am leading up to a big old "Happy New Year."

Anyway... enough waxing philosophic.

As a quick aside, is there a better secondary condiment than ranch dressing, and not that fancy ass ranch dressing with parmesan cheese, cucumber, and peppercorns. I am talking about nature's bounty called old style ranch dressing, the Hidden Valley Plain stuff. The stuff you can use as a veggie dip, sandwich flavoring, chip dip, pasta sauce, chicken nugget dipping sauce, meat topping in general, etc... The only condiment that is better is ketchup, and that is only because it is full of tomatoey goodness. Ranch is often futzed with, and shouldn't be. While I do love me some bacon, I do not think that Ranch Dressing should contain bacon in the bottle of dressing itself. Add bacon to the dressing, and you pretty much have a meal. Put ranch in Kraft Mac and Cheese (it's the faux cheesiest) and you have yourself a better meal. Throw some bacon in and it becomes a gourmet meal, Canadian bacon, and you have an international gourmet meal (unless, of course, you live in Canadia). I used to like Cool Ranch Doritos, but now I like tortilla chips dipped in ranch dressing (the way Cool Ranch was supposed to be). Ranch covers the food that ketchup cannot, and that is why I love me some ranch dressing. (and not that fat free crap, either. It ain't ranch if it can't clog some artery).