Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Lone Shoe

Little Man turned 4 today. It is hard to wrap my tiny mind around the fact that he is 4. Good Lord, I will be beside myself when he hits the double digits! So this is a big shout out to the Little Man! Happy Birthday, Little Man! I wish you many more! But I covered this on Monday and no one wants to read a week of birthday stuff associated with Little Man sooo....

On with today’s post!

In my myriad of years stuck on this ball of mud there are certain typically mundane things that I see daily that confuse the hell out of me. This post is about The Lone Shoe.

“The Lone shoe?” you ask?

“Yes, The Lone Shoe,” I retort. “Not the Loan Shoe, that is a different issue entirely. Now listen up and I will ‘splain you about The Lone Shoe”

Let me set up the situation. You are driving down the road minding your own business, listening to the radio, and basically being fancy-free when you see it… lying in the gutter/ on the side of the road/ on the median of the road/ in between the lanes/ in the middle of the intersection/ on the berm (Hello, Ohioans!)/ all by it’s lonesome. You see the unpaired random shoe just sitting there… taunting you with its sordid story of betrayal and abandonment. This is The Lone Shoe.

The Lone Shoe

Typically this shoe is in a sorry state of disrepair like it has been living off the victuals left to it by passing motorists for weeks on end, but it wasn’t there yesterday and it won’t be there tomorrow. The shoe is most often a black sneaker/trainer of some sort laying on its side, forlornly looking for sweet release.

Many questions come to my mind whilst driving past this disheveled footwear. Where is the mate of this singular shoe? How did the owner of this shoe not realize that it has struck it out on its own? When they lost said shoe, why didn’t they stop and retrieve it? How did they not notice that their left foot was no longer shod? How did the shoe get next to the telephone pole? Really, why is it that the previous owner did not notice it passing from his possession? Is their an accompanying sock, or is the sock lost in the 7th dimension that resides between the dryer and the laundry basket? Buddy, you are only wearing one shoe! How can you not notice this? What’s up with the sock/dryer thing anyway (ah, a topic for a different post)? Why are you only partially laced up, oh, singular shoe of mystery? Sweet Billy Ray Cyrus! How in the name of Korn! Did you not notice the loss of half of your footwear?

Before anyone says, “Maybe the shoe fell out of a suitcase or bag of clothes.” Let me ask you a question, “Where are all the other items that fell out of the suitcase? Why just the shoe, smartypants? Tell me that one, Sherlock!” This is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, smothered in mystery, laying on top of a heaping helping of “BWAAAA?”

To recap:
Little Man is 4 today
He gets his gifts from us today
He is not going to like them nearly as much as he likes the marble thing that J, B, J, and J got him
Not made from marble, that would be too heavy for a 4 year old
Tomorrow shall be about some silly letter in the alphabet as it relates to me
H, I, Q, S, V, Y, and Z
That is all that is left
I still haven’t smurfed out the words associated with I, Q, and Z
Most likely one of those will randomly come up
Life is like that
Yesterday I got 202 hits
I usually average 50 or s0
No really, I average around 50-ish except for yesterday
Of the 202 hits, I think 145 of them were for the Google search "M*A*S*H 'soft drink'"
Just a bit of a statistical outlier
What up with that?
I am accepting theories as to the origin and purpose of The Lone Shoe in comments.


  1. One day, during my 3 week internship that was waste of time during college, I had the pleasure of doing a day of "Adopt a Highway" clean up crew work. No, not when I was in prison, that's a whole other story. But anywho, you think a lone shoe is bad, how about tighty whities and pants. And empty bottles of alcohol. How did they get there? Wouldn't someone realize they were missing their drawers? And pants for that much. Crazy people.

    Tree Monkey

  2. The lone shoe is social commentary on how man is basically alone, even when there are people all around him. Alone like a single, decrepid shoe. Partially unlaced. Or particially laced. Whatever.

  3. Tree Monkey:
    I just realized that I did not answer your question from the 20 Questions Post. HP VII is Harry Potter 7.

    I am not suggesting that the lone shoe is the biggest mystery associated with things one finds on the side of the road, just that it is one of the enduring mysteries that one can casually observe whilst traveling past at a high rate of speed. Road crews find some weird shit.

    Deep, very deep

  4. Happy Birthday Little Man!!!

    As for Lone Shoe, someone was playing Shoe Golf, hooked it, and couldn't find it afterwards. So the luckless shoe-golfer hopped home.

    Today's word verification: minzynpx! Beware Mr. Minzynpx, but if you can get him to say his name backwards, he's powerless!

  5. I have a lone shoe. My son took it from the department and put it in my bag and I walked out with it. And since it's a brand new shoe, it seemed silly to toss it. So I just have it.

  6. The lone shoe just makes me think of the Torchwood episode "Random Shoes", which I quite enjoyed.

    Happy Birthday little man!

  7. maybe three weeks ago, possible four, a good friend of mine was cleaning out her house of all the unnecessary things that she acquires over time. Simplifying she calls this action. She does it often. But unfortunately 3-4 weeks ago when she did this she threw away something that she later realized was a huge mistake. This realization happened when she went to grab her nice Northface river shoes, but could only find one.

    Cool blog, like your style, the shoe wasn't a northface right? :)

  8. B:
    Helluva hook to get a shoe golf hit onto a raised interstate.

    I have never understood how Mytzlplik was able to be tricked. Never

    Blaming that on your son, for shame!

    I was never able to get into "Torchwood," so I am unfamiliar with the reference.

    That is a problem associated with simplifying. Other issues are associated with simplifying as well, but unmatched shoes is definitely an issue.

    The shoe that was the inspiration for this post was, oddly enough, a Reebok. The shoe that I saw this morning on the way to work was a Nike. No Northface